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Has anyone else gone through this??? What can I do??

SummerMomma719's picture

Submitted by SummerMomma719 on Fri, 04/03/2015 - 3:34pm

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So at one point about 2 years ago I was having a hard time with my Sd who is now 9. I wasn't looking forward to weekends we had her I always seemed to be in a cruddy mood. I NEVER treated her differently because of my feelings. We just have never been close. My husband and I have recently separated because he can't let go of his anger towards me for how things were at one point. I have showed him for quite a while now that things are differentl. He has agreed that things are much better. But yet he can't let go of his anger for how things WERE. How can I make things better?? He did say to me when him and his ex started dating she had 2 kids already. He said he coached baseball, helped with homework, and did pick ups at school. Idk what he's getting at. She doesn't do any extra activities. I've helped idk how many times with home work and she takes the bus to school. I've gone with him and his ex when there were activities at her school and have always treated her well. But now idk what more to do. How can he ever see things aren't the same.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Fri, 04/03/2015 - 3:51pm

Get thee to counseling!

Seriously, I don't think there's anything you can do at this point. He's mad, he WANTS to be mad (or he'd get over it), so he's not going to hear you. Maybe - MAYBE - a counselor can help.

For what it's worth, your DH's argument is invalid. It is irrelevant what he did for his stepkids. He might as well say, "You can't wear that shirt because I wore black pants 10 years ago!" They might SEEM like they're somehow related, but they're really not. Like, AT ALL.

I have NEVER coached a stepkid's activity, VERY seldom helped with homework, and never done school pick ups. My DH never expected me to either. HE is the parent, why on EARTH would I do his job for him? Your DH seems to be approaching this like, "Well *I* did XYZ, so of course that is the proper and correct thing to do." He's talking out his ass. It may be what he did, but that doesn't mean anyone else would or should do it.

ClutterMusings's picture

Submitted by ClutterMusings on Fri, 04/03/2015 - 3:53pm

Ew...say goodbye while you are on the outskirts! This is not a good situation. It would be different if you were horrible towards them, evil, not including, abusive toward skids. It's HIS kid. Stand up for yourself and get out and take care of YOURSELF! I don't things would EVER get better in this situation if he is acting like this and not considering your feelings/adjustments.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 04/03/2015 - 6:29pm

He is making excuses. Do not invest any further in this asshole. Move on. You have already separated and that is the hard part.

Go enjoy the rest of your life with this drama far behind you.

Take care of yourself.

SummerMomma719's picture

Submitted by SummerMomma719 on Fri, 04/03/2015 - 7:55pm

I've been out of the house for two weeks now and have been working on me and focusing on my daughter. Smile and honestly I have felt such relief since I've been out of there.

SummerMomma719's picture

Submitted by SummerMomma719 on Sun, 04/05/2015 - 8:46am

?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Sun, 04/05/2015 - 2:49pm

"honestly I have felt such relief since I've been out of there." <<< Since relief is your primary emotion after leaving him I'm suggesting that tells you your path forward is away from him. No more agonizing. If you had a lot of missing him and heartbreak you'd be conflicted. But if all you feel is relief the debate is over. No going back.

katalinakat's picture

Submitted by katalinakat on Sun, 04/05/2015 - 8:39pm

Everytime you start reminiscing about all the good times you had with SO, just shut it off with all the crummy moments and feelings you remember about SD and SO.... And try to avoid a BF next time you start dating..it's just risky.