Update to son making me choose
I have had several emails from my son over the last few weeks. Each one tells me what a lousy person I am and that I am nothing but a disappointment as a mother. His emails have cut me to the core. I replied to a couple of his emails with love and telling him that me and his SD will see him but only as a couple. I will not go without him. Sadly my son has become so abusive in the emails that I've had to block his emails.
It's so hard to let go especially since I will not be able to see or meet the GK. I am trying to stay strong. I keep reminding myself that my son is a bully and that I have to stand up to him.
I thought by now he would have softened and agreed to see us both. I was very wrong. My GK is now 8 months old and I will probably never be in her life. I'm sad that it has ended this way.
There really is no choice to
There really is no choice to make. As soon a kid plays this ultimatum crap, they are done. Enjoy your marriage and the life you and your DH are making.
If later your idiot son pulls his head out of his ass, be cautiously engaging. On your terms. Tolerate no mandates or bullshit from him.
IMHO a mandate is in the court of the quality side of any of these types of interfaces. Toxic side gets no say no matter how much they may think that they are in control. Yes, your idiot son can keep you away from your GK, however, he cannot dictate anything else in your life beyond the perimeter of his own life. When his baby mama divorces him, and IMHO that is only a matter of time, reach out to her to engage in building a relationship that may give you the opportunity to meet and be a part of your GK's life.
Then enjoy watching your idiot son's head explode when he has zero say over that.
Be good to you. Enjoy your best life. Sadly, your idiot son will not have anything near a quality life.
I'm sorry. I have a good
I'm sorry. I have a good friend who went through something similar with her daughter. She thought she would never see her grandchild. The daughter did come around, their relationship improved, and the grandson is now in my friend's life (well, it helped that the daughter needed a free babysitter). Things can and do change. You know you are doing the right thing. Stay strong! Has your son shown any instability in the past--I don't remember?
He has a past of being fired
He has a past of being fired several times, smoking weed in the house when we told him no. We had to kick him out as the disobedience never ended. He was expelled from school in grade 11 for being caught with drugs. We tried to help him but he has a very defiant personality. Unfortunately I have to walk away. His hatred towards me and his SD is just too strong.
i hope I have a similar outcome as your friend. Time will tell.
thanks for replying.
It’s the son lost
He's has a loving family trying to the right thing. But it's his way or the highway 1