update promiscous step-daughter to be
After all your valuable comments I was a bit confused if I should talk to her, or not, or ignore her or what.Only one thing was sure- I should have had the video camera ready when she exposed her butt to all my guests on Saturday!!!
I heavily agree with all those people who confirmed that that should have never been accepted in my house.I totally disagree with those few who thought I was uptight and should suck it up, lol.
Anyway, today was the day I rang her. Being not stupid this time I was prepared-SO finally promised me this time he would back me up 100% in case she whinges afterwards to him, I had a good friend on my side for prior roleplay and comfort lol-a list with bullet points to loose not track plus I audiotaped the conversation in case she felt the need to change the story later.
I was really nervous, but I was ready to stand up for myself and my values.Also, because she is a lawyer and quite tough, so any emotional- begging-to understand -language would have just caused more disrespect.Therefore I prepared myself to speak clear, fact focused and firm.
It went well, I did bring all the points up to her and told her that her behaviour towards me and our clients/guests was inappropriate in my house and she apologised , it even sounded sincere! Since I felt generally disrespected at times I told her that we are both in the same boat (eg marrying into the same family)and we need to sort those issues out.Guys, I was so brave.I feel like after a scary sky jump.Mainly because I felt I was standing up for myself.I was saying my main points and it went well.
However, before everyone is standing up to give me a round of applause for getting the apology: Grrrrrr, I realise that she must have 100% known she was on speaker (since I had to adjust the phone) and of course she would have figured that SO would be on the other side listening (not my loyal friend)!! But anyway, I did make my point- you can clap for that now 
dtzy!! You are still here,
dtzy!! You are still here, lol.I had a break of two years approx I think, but nice to see that some of the members from 2 years ago are still posting.And I agree- it was so disgraceful. :jawdrop:
oh my god, I will have a
oh my god, I will have a browse later......At least I had a break in between, lol.
just browsed to the topics
just browsed to the topics alone, oooooooh my god, Dtzy!And you are here over 6 years.I am actually close to it, too, only 3 years some month under oncechoosetosmile but under choosetosmile for a few years at first.You should write a book!!
You ladies give me
You ladies give me nightmares, I'm 3 years in of which 1yr 7months has been rough and getting rougher! I keep dreaming of a miracle where I don't think up ways to bribe the ex W to leave the country so Chucky is only seen by Skype.
I thought I escaped stephell
I thought I escaped stephell when breaking up with Disney dad and mini wife , but it came back in the different chubby shape of an adult soon to be step daughter, lol. Not even a real relative of SO , just his sons GF-lol
It is great that you've
It is great that you've established your position with her. Continue to be tough cookie as time goes on. No good deed goes unpunished...so brace yourself for underhanded behaviours toward you in future -- she likely feels somewhat humiliated by having to apologize.
She sounds like the type of person that one can never truly be friends with, but rather someone with whom you may periodically have to reinforce boundaries with. If she does have a drunk behaviour problem, then it may very come up again if she's marrying into the family.
Well done to set firm rules as to what happens when she is in your home.
Ohsoconfused , i see it just
Ohsoconfused , i see it just like you ! Absolutely not any Illusion that we will be besties from now on - this was only a step to protect myself, remains to see if she respects it long time . At least she knows I will be not taking her shit anymore. If and only if she accepts the rules we will have a friendly relationship one day .far too early and quite frankly i dont care. What i care about is my life and to be respected as I respect others
Applause!!!!
Applause!!!!
Thanks ))
Thanks
Great! No she's not sincere,
Luchay!! Hello:-) you are
Luchay!! Hello:-) you are also still here ! Thanks for the advice!
No way is this chick sincere.
No way is this chick sincere. Don't let your guard down, or open your heart. I would suggest steering as clear away from her as possible. This one is toxic and will poison all around her with the self centered evil and self serving behavior. Especially concerning to me is her attention to your husband. :O
Good for you for handling it
Good for you for handling it directly.
My highest commendations to
My highest commendations to you for confronting the issue and the butt flasher directly. I have found that rarely does the actual confrontation discussion turn out to be as dramatic or difficult as we build it up to be in our minds beforehand.
I am not one to let shit stew. I confront it and move on. My bride on the otherhand ....she will stew on an issue, delay, delay, delay, grow increasingly frustrated and finally when I have had enough of hearing about it and tell her "I love you but have heard about this for XXX weeks/months/years if you are not going to do anythign about it then I am done hearing about it." This is when she usually shoots me THE look and confronts the issue immediately. For that particular issue she will not hesitate to address it if it raises its head to be a problem again but for a new issue ..... lather, rinse, repeat. Drives me nuts!!!!
Now that you have got her attention, do not delay the conversation the next time it is necessary to "bare her ass" as the case may be.
Rags, the main reason why I
Rags, the main reason why I didn't confront her was that I wasn't sure so would back me up . Maybe your wife feels a bit the same and hesitates to act on things quickler? Just a thought because this is my problem . I am so scared that if I would sort things out because I feel I should , he will just be angry with me . However there could be a chance he is just frustrated because I do what your wife does - going all over and over the matter again ?
Dupe
Dupe
OCTS, No worries. Yes, my
OCTS,
No worries. Yes, my wife is not a confront an issue kind of person at least not until she has worked it through in her mind from every conceivable angle ... twice at least.
You do not need DH to back you up. Sure, he should back you up but this is an "If DH does not like how you deal with it he can step up and get it done before you have to or he can STFU while you deal with it" sort of thing.
My wife and I have not always agreed exactly on how to deal with parenting issues or with the toxic Sperm Clan, or always agreed exactly on anything else for that matter. We do cooperate pretty well though as I am sure you and your DH do too.
One thing we have never failed to do however is to discuss and be aware of issues and how the other feels about them. I usually have little issue in confronting and addressing any issue. I am a get it out in the open, deal with it, and move on person. She is far more of a massage it, work through it, finesse it, work on it, lather, rinse, repeat kind of person. So, when we hit an issue where we did not align that is when I adopted the "If you don't like how XYZ & LMNOP is happening then step up and get it done before I have to. If you won't do anything about it I don't want to hear about it anymore and if I do I will definitely address the issue. Your call my dear. What do you need from me?"
Since this is a frustrating issue that won't go away I would suggest that you sit DH down, tell him your frustrations, tell him what you are going to do about it, ask him if he has an issue with that to speak now or forever hold his peace, ask him if he would rather deal with it, if not, you confront the issue, get it out in the open, and do not allow it to fester any longer.
In the few occasions that my bride has wrestled with an issue for a very long time (usually work or her family related) and I have had to play the "deal with it or stop talking about it" card she confronts the issue very effectively and ultimately the issue is resolved at best and at worst improves significantly.
For me I would much rather participate in the discussion and development of the solution than see my wife upset herself repeatedly over an issue. I do not need to actually implement the solution if she will deal with it but I am hesitant to tolerate her being upset over an issue for too long before I deal with it.
I'm glad you spoke up to her.
I'm glad you spoke up to her. That behavior is gross. I was worried the whole lot of them were into that kind of action so its nice to hear your DH supported you.
Yes , I kind of need the
Yes , I kind of need the support stronger though . The fact that he does not even try to understand why that behavior was so displaced worries me to be honest . Support is to stick with me if I need to do things to protect myself, so he confirmed he will do that . I still feel deeply criticized and misunderstood .
Boundaries. Speaking up.
Boundaries. Speaking up. Good, good things.
Now be fore-armed. Next time she starts something mean or crazy, touch her arm and say, "Gypsy Rose, this is the kind of thing we've already talked about." Or whatever. Just make sure you are cocked and loaded for next time and call it out on the spot.
Chief , exactly . I can never
Chief , exactly . I can never ever leave my guards down , I know. I so wish SO would be at least feeling a bit how inappropriate that was . At least he promised support what I need and want .
oncechoosetosmile, over time
oncechoosetosmile, over time my dh has commented to me that he's so glad I'm here to "model an appropriate response." This usually comes when I'm outraged over some hideous behavior by BM or SD. He has started to realize that over what seems like millennia of dealing with BM and her always trying to make him feel crazy or bad that he has lost a lot of his own footing on what is proper and decent. He's had to suck up so much that his own boundaries have shrunk shrunk shrunk past recognition.
Perhaps your dh is the same. Perhaps your modelling decent standards will be good for him and he will recognize he needs that. Watch and see. I believe you are right to be concerned. If he makes you feel like he is appeasing you and making you the fall guy in the eyes of others, that is not a good sign at all.