You should be shown respect and given the common courtesy of being advised when they are coming over and when they do show up they should knock and wait for you to invite them in. Even if you had not gone though what you did as a child, you should be shown simple common courtesy.

You are no psycho and your dh knows that. He is just making excuses. I have found that my dh will either a) make excuses for his adult kids, b) defend his adult kids, or c)throw me under the bus.

For a start, lock your doors.

all of this and stop paying for his college. You and especially DH cannot afford it.

NO you are not being unreasonable, they are extremely rude beyond common minimal manners.

Doesn't matter who it is---a call first to see 1. IF your home and 2. IF you are willing to accept visitors is always minimal and should be everyone's standard.

**BUT the kids are not visitors, your right they are family and FAMILY should treat eachother other better and with common decency**

I would NEVER just show up at my moms, or my Grandmothers, or my siblings house or even my BFF's house we were raised to call first.

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you but why are your doors unlocked if you don't want an unexpected intruder? Seems like after that experience you would have the doors locked, cameras installed and the alarm set.

I agree with the others, lock the front door and tell SS to call first. This is not an unreasonable request. If doesn't like he'll have to get over it.

Far from a psycho you are making a reasonable request. That your DH does not support that request and in fact tolerates his spawn violating that request tells me more about your DH than I care to know.

Call the locksmith and have the locks rekeyed. Inform DH that his spawn will not have a key to your home. Then go buy a hand gun, get certified for a CWP and tell DH that your childhood trauma has been aggravated by the SS's manipulative behavior. No threats, just keep the home secure from any unannounced visitors and prepare to defend yourself if someone breaks into your home.

Daddy even made up the excuse that SS tried to call and it's his own fault (Dad) that he didn't answer the phone. In my mind, if someone doesn't answer the phone, that's not default for "it must be okay for me to show up".

Right? 'Cuz if someone doesn't answer my call, that must mean they'd rather see me in person, so I should just just head on over.

My SD tried this bullshit. She once mentioned coming over some Sunday and DH told her to call first because he might be at work. Did she call? Nope, BM just brings SD by. DH WAS at work and I didn't answer the door. I didn't even realize it was her at first, we have no peephole and no clear view from the front window to the porch. I do not answer the door if I don't know who's there.

She later told DH that she DID call and left a message. Really? If no one answered, maybe no one was home (landline). Why would you just drop by? Then she told DH that I must have erased her message. Liar, liar but again, why would you come by if you didn't actually get a hold of anybody?

She also told him that she knew that I was home because she went into the backyard, up our deck steps, and looked into the one window that she could see in (I knew she would do this and did not care so stayed where she could see me).

Yes, SD, I was home and since it is my home, I don't have to answer the door just because someone knocks.

I had the same problem with my SD coming over unannounced, letting herself in. It freaked me out, and I too had a childhood experience where our house was broken into. For that reason, I always lock the doors even in the daytime when we are home.

Unfortunately DH had given SD a key to our home and it was a nightmare. She let herself in while we were on vacation and she stayed for three months. After we made her move out, she'd drop by or leave something behind from a visit before so she would have an excuse to drop by unannounced again (to retrieve it). A pattern with her developed. When I said "you scared me" (by her sudden appearance) it didn't stop her, she thinks she has the right. DH wouldn't take back her key, so I resorted to protecting myself by locking the screen door too, which can't be opened except from the inside. At least I had some peace of mind by doing that.

I did get DH to understand that he needed to set boundaries with her. Otherwise she'd trample all over our home. He told her she has to call first and can't just come over uninvited. She has to respect that we may have plans with other people that she is not included in. We have a right to have friends over our age without SD crashing the party.

I would call her boundary problems a chronic disease that has to be constantly managed by us because it keeps manifesting itself in different ways.

We finally sold that house and are building an hour away. I told DH he has to set her straight on additional ground rules with our new house. It's still under construction but she wanted to go over there on her own to hang out. (It's a very beautiful property on the water with acres of trees to hike). It's our serene retirement home and the only uninvited visitors I want are the peaceful wildlife that habitat there. I certainly don't want a nosy SD hanging out there that ruins my mood every chance she gets. And I'm not a moody person, but I am a private person. These SKids don't seem to understand that things have changed. I would think they would be even more aware they are not welcome to barge in with a new wife living there not related to them.

SD always considered my home to belong to DH and therefore hers. She's wrong. I paid half and DH paid half of this new house and we are donating it to charity after we're gone. It will never be hers. Do you know what's funny? SD was always possessive of our guest bedroom in our old house, even leaving some stuff behind so she could mark her territory. Now that we sold the house she was so possessive of, she must feel kind of foolish. It belongs to a complete stranger now and she will never own that one either.

She's still trying to mark her territory with my new house. I saw in an e-mail that she was suggesting to DH that he hang some mini-blinds that she has that used to belong to BM. Seems pretty crazy that she would think we would want some cheap used mini-blinds in our million dollar house on the lake. (not trying to sound snobbish, just stating a fact). Why would she be bringing up mini-blinds when the windows aren't even installed into the house yet? :jawdrop: :?

A GF of mine told her adult children they better not waltz in unannounced unless they wanted to see them in a compromising position, she advised them DH and herself were often naked, made love all over the house so unless they wanted to see that best they let them know if they were coming round .

My adult SD knocks on our door (even though she has a key) when she knows we are home. She always texts us to tell us she is coming. It is totally rude to just barge into someone's house.