overwhelmed
Okay, I really need to vent for a moment. This is my first post on this fourm, so here goes. I am 21 years old and recently moved in with my boyfriend. He has a 5 year old daughter. I am completly overwhelmed with the situation. We live in Missouri, her mother lives out of state. So we have her for the school year. My boyfriend works nights at his job, and sleeps during the day. So until she starts school I have her all day. I have no children of my own and have no experience with children. So I find it very overwhelming to have her by myself all day. I have no hope of holding a full time job before she starts school, which bothers me, I have always taken pride in my work. To top that off when she starts school I will also be going back for my RN. So I still wont have time to work full time. I just feel like a terrible person for feeling this way. His daughter is a sweetheart other than the occasional tantrum. (which is usually easily curved)
I am just completely out of my element. I almost wished the BM lived closer to us, so they could have a true "joint custody" agreement. I am partially resentful towards him having a daughter of her age. I had a stillborn baby girl when I was 18 that would only be about a year younger than his daughter. It is very difficult for me to not get emotional at times. Being overwhelmed like this makes me feels so ashamed. I feel as though I should be used to having a child in the house. If things had worked out differently for me I would have.
I don't exactly know where I am going with this post, I just really found it nessicary to vent, and reading this message board has been very helpfull to me so far. I just want to know if these feelings I am having are normal. I don't resent the child by any means, I resent my situation. I am finding this is making me regress back to how I felt when I first lost my daughter. I have been finding myself very troubled latley and I just want these feelings to stop so I can move on with my life. I know the pain will never go away. I just wish I could disconnect it from this child.
Thanks for listening,
Kay
Well you're going to have to
Well you're going to have to talk to him about what happens when school starts and that if he wants full custody then he's going to have to get another job. Even when she is in school and you go to nursing school, you won't be able to watch her all the time or else when are you going to study?! He
s going to need to make other arrangements because it isn't fair that you should give up your plans/dreams for his child no matter how much you care for her. In the long run, doing so will cause resentment. I feel the same way although we only have ss for visits, not full custody.
you say you recently moved
you say you recently moved in.. what was he doing about caring for her before you were in the picture? Its not fair to you that you have to watch her all day, even if you dont mind sometimes. You are not her mom, and your bf shouldnt treat you like a live in babysitter. I agree with TX mommy, dont give up your dreams of being an RN!
His daughter was out of state
His daughter was out of state with visiting her mother for almost a year before me and FH moved in together, she kept her for awhile because we are going to have her for the entire school year. It is almost too much for me to handle, seeing as I disagree with their method of parenting her. She is way too spoiled, and she isn't taught manners other than please and thank you. I feel as though my household is being ran by a 5 year old! This child doesn't have a scrap of independence in her entire body. When she is awake the entire house and everyone in it has to revolve around her. I find it difficult to correct these things when her father let her do it. I was expecting to have a "transitionary period" where everything is new, new apartment, hasn't seen daddy in almost a year. I really was expecting this, but my question is now. DOES IT EVER END? Does she every get settled? I came from an upbringing where independence was highly valued. I can barly get her to go do anything in her room by herself. Considering I have her by myself ALL day, this has been challanging. I can get ANYTHING done.
Some of her habits grind away at my nerves. She can ask a question without looking at the floor and whining. (don't even have to say no to anything to prompt this) She has never been taught to not inturrupt adults when they are talking. Her dad and myself can be having a conversation and she will come and stand right in front of him and say, "dad, dad, dad, dad!" until he finally says something to her. He has the amazing ability to ignore this, while as it drives me up the wall. (I have this problem with her when I am on the phone.) Her father doesn't seem to have issues with this, it seems like it doesn't bother him. My point is I think it is in her best interest to have this behavior corrected while she is still young. I can't at this moment in time even imagine how it is going to go when this child goes to school in the next month.
Rightfully how to I correct an inapproprate behavior when her parents don't. Or can I? Going by how much time I spend alone with her, something has got to give, I am getting worn down.
Welcome to the community. I
Welcome to the community. I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful advice from others who are experiencing the challendges of blended family life.
IMHO your feelings are normal. However, Sparenting is a team sport and your BF needs to step up a bit.
Congrats on going back to school to finish your RN.
Hang in there.
Best regards.