'Tis the season for B.S.
I am so far disengaged that I never have much to write during the year. But ah----'tis the season for the middle-aged SDs to ramp up their behavior.
In the last few months, these 40-somethings have been having Family Zoom games, Family trivia games on Thanksgiving day (ironically for their fathers side only), and they still don't stop plotting.
SD43 sent DH a text today with pictures of his Christmas present from them, apologizing profusely for NEEDING to show him his "cute" Christmas present ahead of time. Because they aren't sure how to word things on his present. Because they don't want to leave SM-me out. The SM who is not allowed in OSD45's house and hasn't seen her family in over 5 years. Now, for some reason, they don't want to leave me out. LOL
But anyway, it's a collage photo frame with them and their families posing in different formations that spell "I Love.....XXXXX".
XXXXXX is the problem. YSD43 is so concerned about leaving me out. They were so concerned they didn't want it to say just "We love Papa" . They allegedly didn't want to leave me out but didn't know how to word it. So let's ask daddy.
True Motive: "If we tell daddy we don't want to leave out SM, he will think we are so nice. Because we had to give away his Christmas present ahead of time to ask his opinion, you know, such a sacrifice" . I swear, these girls completely understand the Karpman drama triangle and want to always look like the nice ones. They are always looking for a way to inflame me and then walk away looking innocent. And I know like always they will be looking for a reaction from me. Like when they used to cause problems and then call their dad to see if we were fighting. These middle-aged babies need lives.
And of course, DH assumed their goodness and jumped right on board and insisted my name be in this little photo collage project of theirs. He will always believe they are good and that they don't have devious intentions.
So I know my reaction is going to be so important to them. And that's what I am working on. I have not corresponded with OSD45 in over 5 years, so I know YSD43 will be pumping DH for info on my reaction or will outright text me to find out.
It will be so hard to say "how do people who don't allow me in their house love me? I have not seen the grandkids in 5 years, the youngest wasn't even talking then. How do they love me when they are too young to remember me?"
But I am just going to say "isn't that sweet?" and walk away. That way they have no fuel for the fire they for some reason need to start.
My blood used to boil when these things came up. Now it's just "yawn".
It's gotten funny to see what these two will do to stir the pot since I disengaged. I've accepted my DH wants to believe his DDs are innocent, and I just stay out of it.
The lamp scene in "The Christmas Story"
Remember what happened to the tacky lamp in "The Christmas Story"? What an unfortunate accident.....
Wise actions on your part, SL
Wise actions on your part, SL. Plus you never said a truer word than "They are always looking for a way to inflame me and then walk away looking innocent." I am sure my SDs would have tried this, over the years, if I had not maintained my poker face at virtually all times. I would rage to DH, but they would never see it, I would never let them know what apoplexies they drove me to. And personally, if your SD43 does indeed text you, I would maintain your icy cool and ignore the text completely. If she asks, claim you didn't get it.
I don't know why anyone
I don't know why anyone enjoys all these games!
How are they even going to
How are they even going to get his "gift" to him on time? Why didn't they sort this out weeks ago? And why does the collage have to spell out I Love ___? Wouldn't it be easiest to pick a different saying, like Family or Joy or whatever?
Silly desperate wabbits. Tricks are for skids. HOW does your H not see the manipulation??
Where will you be displaying this piece of art? A bathroom would be appropriate, since it's all crap.
All excellent questions,
All excellent questions, Julie. The example YSD43 sent DH was one they had made for BM. I suspect the SDs just wanted to dangle that in front of DH's face, along with "look how nice we are for thinking of SM".
As for why DH does not see this, as our counselor stated years ago, DH lives in The Land of Denial. He may see something but then retreats back into his little Mental Man Cave of Comfort.
I suspect this lovely piece of artwork will never arrive. It was the text itself that mattered to them.
Ooh, I hope it doesn't. You
Ooh, I hope it doesn't come. You could get a lot of mileage out of it if it doesn't.
Hahahaha
"Where will you be displaying this piece of art? A bathroom would be appropriate, since it's all crap."
that is great!!! I would just never hang it up and never mention it again. If your DH is anything like mine, he will forget all about it and never ask where it is. I do it with gawdy gifts ALL the time. SK's thinking they are decorating my house.... ummmm NO!! That was a new thing that started a few years back with BM behind it I am sure. Gawdy crap for the house. Who gives a man that anyway...
If they wanted you to feel
If they wanted you to feel included, they could have just done "We Love You" and left it neutral, then addressed the gift to both of you - you are right, they want to look like the innocent victims, trying so hard to include you. Too bad your DH can't be the one to say, "Wait, you want SM to feel included, but yet - she's not allowed in your house?"
I think I would just tell DH that they should leave it as I Love You and call it a day. How in the world are they going to spell out I LOVE PAPA AND SACRIFICIALLAMB in family formations? I'm having a hard time picturing this.
This is the kind of stuff that makes stepmothers look evil if they don't know the whole story - seems like you are not appreciating a nice gesture, if someone doesn't know the history of your situation.
How in the world are they
How in the world are they going to spell out I LOVE PAPA AND SACRIFICIALLAMB in family formations? I'm having a hard time picturing this.
I am getting a lot of chuckles imagining this!!!
A small smile and
"Wow what a thoughtful and nice gift they have for you. You should hang it over your desk/workbench (anywhere I can't see it)" then walk away.
I think I am still in SM
We all know this is BS, and I'm happy for you for having found a peace in the chaos. It likely drives them NUTS that they're trying to look good to Daaadddeeeee and you won't help in that effort. Oh well, sucks to be them.
I think I am still in SM adolescence because I would still get upset by this and likely not mince words. If I'm already the villain, might as well stay that way. I wouldn't be mean about it, just "I haven't seen or talked to OSD and the SGKs in five years, so saying they love me sounds very fake when we don't know each other; they should stick with 'We Love Papa'."
Me too, I'd have a hard time
Me too, I'd have a hard time not telling DH to pull his head out of his a$$.
One of the things I love
One of the things I love about my marriage is that DH and I call each other on our crap, and that I have the ability to call the boys on their crap, too. It hurts in the moment, but it offers a lot of clarity and really keeps stress levels down overall. There aren't these unspoken words hanging over everything.
That's not to say that approach is best for everyone and every relationship. I definitely have other relationships where smiling and nodding is the best approach. But having come from a marriage where I felt like I HAD to keep my opinions to myself, it's so nice to let it all hang out, so to speak.
This works well for me also...
Like you, I understand not everyone is wired that way. Allowing this to bubble under the surface, for me, would result in something extremely unpleasant.
Same - I don't
Same - I don't compartmentalize well. I'd be resentful as hell and unable to retain any respect for him.
I've said the words so many
I've said the words so many times over the years. He will admit he sometimes sees these things, but he ignores them and hopes they go away. And I def plan on using "how can someone love me when they haven't seen me in 5 years and don't allow me in their home?" and leave it at that. He, like I suspect most men, doesn't understand hearing repetitive truths. He likes his peace, and after almost 2 decades of this crap, so do I.
Uh, no, Lieutenant, because
Uh, no, Lieutenant, because DH would never believe his angels would be intentionally mean. Seriously, they live in eternal denial. I love how SL just plays along, not that I could do what she does. Once we figure out a way to hold our futile tongues, the likely better off we'll feel.
Lamby....
These women certainly are *crazy* and ill behaved...this is an age old tactic (you big meanie stepmother)...tell your husband they really need to step up their "game" and let him understand you know what they are up to. The holidays truly seem to bring out the best in these adult babies. They have to be beside themselves that they have not been successful dragging you back in to the main stage.
My husband received via text recently a picture of a newborn with name, weight, date...and nothing else. This 30something man baby has not spoke to his father in a year and a half because daddy would not pay for something last minute. He married a several time recovering addict who has two other children with different men with off and on court ordered supervised visitation. Really something to celebrate adding another child to a repeated failed experiment...cheers!
Merry Christmas and Very Happy Holidays! Let the games continue!
They have to be beside
They have to be beside themselves that they have not been successful dragging you back in to the main stage.
Yes, they seem to get more and more desperate. And what a carrot in the form of a newborn your SS dangled in front of your DH, hoping he would bite.
Please let us know how the
Please let us know how the sweeties handled the situation with their most thoughtful gift.
Look forward to the next path of the story with Act II.
Make it great Christmas, Lamby, regardless of their nasty gaming!
The old "baby bait" gambit.
The old "baby bait" gambit. What a classic. Skids use it for a variety of reasons, none of which are healthy.
Your H should reply with "Who is this?"
Julie :)
That was the first thought that came to my mind too! Then took a breath, and after some discussion, came to the mutual decision that this stunted adult was only seeking some sort of engagement with daddy.
Let him and big sister, who runs everybody's show, wonder if daddy received the beautiful arrival news.
Oh my
They sure keep busy thinking of new ways to get to you. Its got to be exhausting for these middle aged women that act like teen mean girls.
I love that you maintain composure and your "yawn" attitude is perfect.
So lucky they still include you in their games. Kind of like the coyote in bugs bunny, they scheme , attempt the kill, and then explode. Next scene they are back up again. Bless their little black hearts that they keep on trying.
I love your coyote analogy!
I love your coyote analogy! You have to wonder what goes on in someone's mind that is always trying to cause trouble.
We'll have to start calling
We'll have to start calling you ACME, Lamby.
Exjulie LOL
Laughed so hard when I read that.
Hey if I ever get banned,
Hey if I ever get banned, ACME will be my new ID!
ACME
Perfect new name if ever needed. Either that or Road Runner :)
I love your login name
I love your login name "sacrificial lamb" lol.....and the little pic of the lamb looking so set up for slaughter is priceless. Ain't it the truth!!!!! Merry Christmas!
That is how I felt for many
That is how I felt for many years until I removed myself from their games. And Merry Christmas to you!
Do you and your husband share
Do you and your husband share children?
Sacrificial
So glad I am out of my situation. I am fricking sure mine would be the same at that age.
Do not know how you stick with it. It seems your "Who gives a shit" really helps.
Lamby, here's what I'd do...
Tell your DH you've mulled it over and you think the most generous heart-felt response he can give the cave clan is this: "YSD, I know you love me and I love all of you. But after all these years I'm glad you finally admit you love Lamby. This acknowledgement is the best gift I can receive so what I'd like you to do is address the entire collage to her and her alone: Have it spell out, "We love Lamby."
See if they do it.
Are you actually going to be seeing them?
Are they bringing the present to your house? If you are not my suggestion is no reaction at all. Zip nothing..... Say nothing, do nothing and don't acknowledge it at all. When people are waiting for a reaction, it truly drives them crazy when there isn't one. That would be the best Christmas present you could get... driving them crazy!!!
They live far away, so they
They live far away, so they would be mailing this. I bet it never arrives. The texted photo YSD43 sent to DH was the one they had made for BM. She wanted him to see it as an example. But I think she really wanted to dangle in front of his nose they were doing this for BM.
I love your advice of having no reaction and I know it drives them crazy. Their attempts to cause trouble get crazier and crazier as a result.
Oh yes, the whole dangle what
Oh yes, the whole dangle what they're doing for their whore of a mother bit to make him jealous. So childish. The problem is that the SDs never grow up. They stay in eternal Disneyland trying this and that in hopes that their clueless dads will take the bait some day and return to their mama. His cluelessness gives them hope and so the games continue. Sigh.
Lol. You are so right, they
Lol. You are so right, they have perfected the drama triangle.
I'd say leave me out of the project, please. Of course that makes me the b*tch in the drama triangle who doesn't want to "mend fences" (actual words said to me). I wouldn't care.
My SO's daughter and sister are pros at the drama triangle. The daughter told her aunt one time she wanted to go to my SO's old farm he used to have to help him do something but "doesn't want to get him in trouble". Of course aunt runs to my SO and repeats this. I wasn't even living there. I was happily at my own house doing something else oblivious to it.
Then his daughter's baby shower. His sister instead of just sending me an invite has to call my SO and ask him if he thought I'd come to the shower or not. No. Well why NOT?? We need to mend fences (aka gift giving). No. But why stir the sh*t? Just send me the invitation and wait to hear back. She never sent me one.
They're pros at looking like innocent people with such GOOD intentions while trying to make us look like the quintessential evil step mother.
They're pros at looking like
They're pros at looking like innocent people with such GOOD intentions while trying to make us look like the quintessential evil step mother.
Exactly. OSD45 even once told me she could manipulate anyone to get whatever she wanted, and that she joined a sorority to learn how to manipulate people. What a goal! DH knows this about his oldest DD, but still chooses to believe in her goodness.
I have one of those meddling SIL's too. It's even worse when these cretins have someone to back them up.
Unfortunately my SO is
Unfortunately my SO is totally naive when it comes to this stuff. He'd have totally bought into that whole project fiasco.
Cretins. Good descriptor for
Cretins. Good descriptor for those relatives that assist the scheming SKs. And while we're all discussing how tired they must be of the games, we have to admit that we're weary from playing them back.