Bio Mom has not dated or remarried.  No TN Williams here; imagine the character Milhouse, from the Simpsons, as a 66-year old female. Her nose literally is 10 times the width of the grandkids other grandma. Then imagine that woman having the most annoying voice you have ever heard, being shaped like a bowling ball and constantly needing to be the center of attention (where the SD's learned it), loving drama, etc.

BM also "retired" from her job in Cheap Midwest City 18 months ago, and announced she was moving to The Holy Land into OSD's basement AFTER she had loaded up the moving van and was on her way. Can you imagine? She was only to be there 3 months.  So she said.

After 7 months of living in OSD's basement and having no intentions of moving out, and from what I hear trashing the place, OSD's DH lost it and said she needed to find her own place. BM couldn't afford rent in that city; it was 4 times what she had paid before.  And she had never gotten a mortgage on her own. And although she bragged on Facebook about being retired and how successful she was, reality was she had dwindled her 401k to pay for a car. She had a hard time getting approved for a mortgage, but finally did get a high risk loan - at age 65. She will have to work the rest of her life.  So much for being retired, eh? She has no extra money. She could have stayed in the affordable town where she was, but it was important for her to declare herself "retired"  and successful to impress other people and move to The Holy Land.

And from what we have heard, she already has had her daughters - her best friends as she says - have to pay some of her bills. She's a financial mess. And it's likely to get worse as she ages. I know there is some anomosity because DH and I both were high earners - both of us had higher level jobs than his kids or their SO's.  We got married after we both had been divorced 6 years and had equal assets at that time. We lived way below our means, paid off our house and saved a lot of money and then retired. He's older, but I retired not long after he did. DH lives in paradise with his younger wife, and the SDs are having to bail out their mother who can't pay all of her bills. And I know that pisses them off.  OSD believes her DH is supposed to be providing her with the best of everything, but it's not happening.

When DH and BM divorced, she had the resources to make responsible choices. She chose not to do so.  But it is no longer DH's problem.  They've been divorced for decades.

There's good reasons why those girls are screwed up.....BM's insanity and DH's passivity.   And no, this BM has not moved on either. She is still great friends with DH's sister, and it's just because they both love drama and gossip. There's no wonder why DH doesn't want to visit his sister anymore. BM has no other friends, and she doesn't get along with her own family.

My attitude in the beginning also was there was no harm to having her at events, but I realized I was being taken advantage of for my photography, which they expected for free. At the beach 5 years ago, the sgkids were doing something cute, nothing spectacular, don't remember what. BM asked me "where's your camera???" I told her it was in the hotel. She said "you're supposed to be taking pictures; go get your camera!!!" 

Uh, no. I am not the Original Family Photographer. With that event, and where OSD signed me up to take beach pics of 5 other couples with out asking me on the same trip, while I was sick with a condition that led to surgery shortly after, pretty much wore me out of that family.  And it got worse a few months later and I came to this site and learned about disengagement.  Hallelujah. And my DH is fine with it. He knows they are NUTS.  He can deal with them on their own, but even he has withdrawn.

The BM in your life and mine tags along like a 5th wheel because they have absolutely nothing else going for them and nothing else to do.