Maybe a good idea would be to just bypass the adult children and put what ever is left over after we pass away to a college fund for the Grandkids. They will need help with their college expenses and starting their life journey.

My son has a trust fund for himself and his children (my oldest grandson and grand daughter) upon my death which was set up prior to my marriage to DH. The combined assets with DH and I are the ones in question and are being debated.

DH and I have most of our assets combined so dividing them out as His and Hers is basically impossible. We have several real estate properties we bought together and also a business. One property is earning a very handsome income. It can't be divided without being sold off and to do so wouldn't be a wise decision. Left in tact, it would earn a nice income that could be divided among the kids...the problem being the one daughter in question would be the problem wanting to sell it off along with everything else with the intention of spending the money with no thought for tomorrow thus ruining it for the rest of the remaining responsible ones.

A part of me wants to write her out of my will entirely another part of me wants to basically leave her a modest cash settlement, then leaving the rest of the estete to the remaining kids. They are responsible and would prosper well and so would the grandkids.

Its a difficult decision to make especially after all the planning and effort DH and I put into our effort.

Hopefully DH and I will live long and enjoy our life together for the next 100 years

I agree with your thinking but for the life of me I have no idea how to even begin to figure the amount the %100 of my assetts I brought to the marriage nearly 20 years ago.

We have seperate check books and personal bank accounts, credit cards. The thing is, over the past 20 years because DH and I are good business partners, we jointly invested in quite a few "projects" that turned us a profit. Things like building spec homes to sell, long ago we did building maintenance, we've bought fixer up homes we rented, then later sold off and turned the profit. It seems we both nearly always had something on the go, plus we both worked full time jobs that earned us our personal living expenses.

So, in short, to even begin ro figure how much my %100 is today, would be nearly impossible.

The conflict about the wills and the kids is not about "The Money" my Money, Your Money, and a nit picking sort of thing. The issue is what to do with this pain in the ass daughter. Sometimes leaving money to somebody when they have no clue how to EARN it or manage it in the first place, is the last thing that person needs.

Plus, to be totally honest with you, it pisses me off major to have this vision of some irresponsible Wench destroying, disrespecting, and indulging in reckless irresponsible squander abusing something that was built out of love and hard work; this makes me nearly vomit. But, that's just how I feel about squandering anything, it's part of my belief system. Everyone sees things differently, and they are fully entitled to their feelings, I just am not wanting to be the enabler in any situation like that.

I simply want to do the Right for everyone involved but have mixed feelings Im having difficulty sorting out in order to see things more clearly. I appreciate any feed back...it's the best way I find to help myself at a time like this. It's so hard to talk to family and friends about this, plus living in a small community makes this sort of "talking" nearly impossible, I might as well put it in the local newp paper....Gotta love the small town I do just love it but sometimes it has it's funny quirks!

I replyed to you post it's above thanks for your thoughts and comments, they are very helpful!

I don't think that sounds awful at all. I have actually thought of doing that but my fear is things get caught up in the court system for so long of a time, I'd fear I'd pass away long before the crap was settled.

I honestly dont have issues with Dh other three kids and I dearly love the grandkids (their children) even pain in the butt SD little demon I love, but I can safely say IF that daughter wasnt in the picture, I wouldnt be here writing to you good people here on this Tuesday afternoon as I am right at this moment. I have no problem including the other three kids in my will I'm gladly including them.

I can't honestly say I love them as much as my own Son but I do highly respect them as adults and am as proud as I could possibly be of them of how well they have matured and the amazing accomplishments they have made. If they werent my Skids, I'd welcome them as my neighbors they are honestly wonderful individuals....but there is the one in question I could go the rest of my life and not care to see her ever again. I once went 5 years with out speaking to her and didn't miss her one single moment. The truth totally I promise!!

sister I am feeling that is the answer, It's my story to write eh? Why leave it to ungrateful people.....I just wish I could get DH on board thinking this same way.

Thanks for your thoughts and sharing your situation, you have gave me a lot of food for thought. I have provided for my son prior to even meeting DH. It's just such a confusing situation how to begin to sort things out.

The issue isn't "The Money his/mine etc" that is the problem between myself and DH, it's an issue of what to do about this pain in the ass SD?? We both agree she is a idiot but DH is doing the "I'm a fair dad act" Mr Disneyland Dad I used to refer to him as over the years while the kids were growing up....I thought all that BS was behind me when they Flew away and started their own nests.

All of the kids have done well for themselves and their education, jobs, signifitant others, family and kids. With the exception of this nearly 40 year old "Blondie Blue eyed over wench". Pain in the butt SD.

SD has growm up with a sence of entitlement thinking because she is skinny and has blond hair and blue eyes, when she blinks tear filled eyes and pouts, she honestly believes the world should lay her bidding at her feet. It frosts my behind to the enth degree. I basically left the managing of DH's two older children up to him, I stayed out of it, when I saw where it was heading years ago with this kid, I detached, at the time I was working more then 40 hours a week at my job and had little time for drama over Blondie.

This same Daughter went to college, part time, nearly failing or dropping her all classes. Mean while, her mother continued to receive the child support until she was 22 years old. At that time the child "people" did an inquiry, they discovered that the child support was ONLY to be received IF the daughter was attending College FULL time and completing her class's.......EX Wifey had to pay back the child support IN FULL. One day, DH received a check in the mail for the full amount of two years paid child support. Needless to say, he was in a state of disbelief!! He phoned up the child support folks to ask if he could cash the check or WTF was the deal, they told him thats his money go cash the check, they were going to collect the money from Ex #1. And they did, Boy oh Boy was she pissed off.

It would take a novel to tell that story, she was spinning things every which way trying to back peddle her way out of it spreading things saying DH did this to her, it was all a lie Bla, Bla, Bla but she lost. I did the happy Snoopy Dance over that one and still do at times just to remind myself that sometimes justice is served.

Thanks for your thoughts!

As it stands right now, DH is to be my sole benificiary, he gets everything we have, the 4 skids are listed as secondary all things to be divided equally if DH & I should pass on together. There is also a seperate trust that has been in place for many years before DH and I met for my son. As of now, he isn't named to receive any part of the estate DH & I have together.

Eventually we will update our wills, we do about every 5 years but for now I will think about everything you all have posted and shared with me. I really do so much appreciate you taking the time to share your feed back to me, it helped me a lot.

I agree people and things change, all I can hope is perhaps the SD I'm concerned about will find a more productive and positive road for her journey through this life we all share together.

Thanks!