In my opinion your husband has no business promising your joint assets to your SS. My advice is to get a lawyer and have wills drawn up. That way there will be no mistaking who gets what. Personally I wouldn't have encouraged husband to leave your SS his 401K either. Have you signed a waiver? Under FEDERAL LAW 401K automatically has to go to the spouse unless the spouse signs a waiver. If you haven't signed one, it doesn't matter who is named as beneficiary on a 401K it will go to you as the spouse. Even if your husband had that 401K before you were married, now you are married it is your legal entitlement. I wouldn't give anything up that you don't have to. Again, my advice is to get a lawyer - you and your spouse both need to see one together. Good luck and hang on to those assets!

Another thing... my husband has a nearly-30-year-old (going on 5) daughter. Our wills are written like this. If I die first, My H gets the house and all our joint assets. My sister gets all my personal stuff. If he dies first I get the house and all our assets. SD gets a couple of things he has chosen to leave her and that's it! If we both die at the same time or within 3 months of each other SD has to share EVERYTHING 50/50 with my sister, except for my jewelry and other personal effects. That is why I have chosen a "bulldog" of a person as my executor for that scenario. She won't take any BS from my SD!

You DH is an idiot for discussing something with the SS who hates you and speaking for you and your money - and your SS is an a-hole for even asking him about his inheritance - my DH and I are leaving everything we have which is a lot to each other and if we die together then my SS gets whatever Dh wants to give him and my DD gets from both of us because we are her parents. My SS gets from his own mother. Why do children automatically assume that they will be getting any money - they should be thankful for whatever morsel they get - what the heck happened to growing up and making it on your own!!!

Change your Will. Make sure things are tied up nice and securely in a couple of Trusts.

Make it VERY clear how things will be so it is watertight.
You can even leave your share of the property to a distant relative or friend and let your DH buy them out. I would in a flash.

And BTW, you don't need to discuss this with your husband. Even though those kind of high jinks would have me stomping and throwing an almighty hissy fit.

I have mixed feelings about these issues. My skids were 3 and 8, respectiely, when I came on the scene. An argument could be made that they should receive our joint assets when my DW and I are gone, since they have been a part of my life for so long (most of what we have is marital property). However, because both of the skids are losers, I don't want them to get anything. I have put off setting up a will because DW will battle me on this issue. As a stop-gap measure, I have named my DW as the beneficiary of my life insurance polices, but if she predeceases me, it goes to my Dad. He can decide what to do with it, but I don't want the skids getting that money, since they would either blow it, or give it to their perfect bio-daddies. Assets like the house, cars, etc., would have to go through probate, so I may not be able to block the skids from getting that, absent a trust or will.

On the flip side of things, my Dad remarried late in life, and his new wife is a gold-digger. I am sure that she thinks that she is entitled to get everything, including his business. I think that this case is different from the situation with my skids, since Dad's new wife came on the scene much later (I mean morally different, not legally). Also, I have helped my Dad with his business over the years, and would like a chance to run it. He is planning on leaving it to me, but who knows what his wife will do when he passes.

I summation, I think that the issue of inheritance is highly specific to your particular situation. If my skids were decent people, I would have no problem with them getting my assets when I die. By the same token, if my Dad's wife wasn't such a bitch, I would not worry so much about her trying to screw me out of an inheritance.

You worked for it and it belongs to you! Sit down with DH and have a real conversation about your concerns. I would stress to him that this is not about "punishing" your SS, but more about "protecting" what you've worked so hard for!

Also, I would talk to DH about discussing marital assets with ANYONE outside your family. That's private business between you two.

i would leave everything to the humane society before i would risk skids getting anything.....

hl ~ AWESOME..... i'm a fan right back!!!

I do not want the non-working, self-entitled Skids to inherit a thing from me. Their father has them on his life insurance policy (which they will blow through in a heartbeat). He wants SS to get his house (the one he owns, but does not live in). That's fine, it's a neglected piece of crap anyway.

However, when we married, we had a pre-nup drawn up. DH gets nothing, mainly because if he inherited it, his lazy-ass kids would inherit everything I worked for from him! Everything of mine, including house, investments, portfolios, etc. etc. goes to my daughter. She can do as she pleases with it all. As of right now, the plan is for her to move into this house (it's bigger) and DH, if he lives longer than me, will move into her house (a smaller, one-story). She will set aside money for DH that she will control, so his kids cannot get it and spend it.

It's sad that I feel I have to protect my assets from his children, and that I worry about protecting HIM from his kids in his old age. But, that's the way it's got to be!

Get an attorney, Probate Law and Estate Laws are state laws. I have a step son who we hear from every 10 or so years until SS moved to Denver last year. He is an entitlement type. SS said I EXPECT you to move ( out of my Fathers house ). We have been married for 30 years. I am an Engineer and I have earned most of our money. We have met step son 5x in his life. He wants me gone so he inherits OUR estate. I saw an attorney, I am writing a TRUST a private document SS can not get a copy of via PROBATE. It has an anti sue clause in it. SS if he sues for money can not benefit. WILL he be surprised. A trust instead of a WILL!

Time for a Talk with Your Husband. Get it clear what you two agree to. Put it in writing in a WILL or TRUST. Get the advice of an Attorney. How easy is it for for step child to sue a will or trust in your state? In Colorado, where I live, it costs a retainer of 10,000 for an attorney to take the case to sue a will. It is hard to sue a will, your wishes typically will be respected. Courts protect your wishes. Your husband has agreed to thing, you do not agree with. Family meeting time!!! He is setting your family up for trouble down the road.

Your husband is promising your timeshare, a contract in both of your names, a joint asset. He can't do that. You need it all written in a Will OR Trust. It will be worth your peace of mind.

OP - It certainly makes you feel leary when your SS starts the talk of what he will inherit.

What about you, should your husband die first, do you get his insurance, etc. al? You should. You deserve to be taken care of, you put a lot of time, effort, blood sweat and tears into your marriage.

My 50 year old SD has been skulking around the last 4 years looking for promises that she will inherit - mainly from me as DH doesn't have a lot. SD covets my grandmother and mother's jewelry big time. She gets nadda. But it certainly does make me careful about standing over any cliff, etc. when she is around and that is not a good feeling.

I always find the idea of working hard amassing wealth, property, assets etc just to keel over and giving it to entitled kids just bizarre. I want my kids to make their own $$$ and their own way in life not hover and wait for their parents to die for the big pay day. My goal is to live a simple full life and not have much crap to dispose of when I go.

Putting your portion into a trust for a charity that you support or to a distant nephew is a great idea.

What are you talking about? Your DH should absolutely leave everything of serious value to you. He can leave sentimental items or heirlooms to kids upon his death as he wills. You are his wife. After he dies, you can leave the value of what was his property to his son. If you discuss this with husband (the plan to leave property to son) and he agrees, the son can then be informed (backed by email, which is dated and from your husband's account) and he won't have a leg to stand on if he tries to pursue this legally. Of course back this up with a lawyer to make sure it is all legal and binding. You can even show your ss your will if you feel the need though I honestly don't think you should posture like this.

If your DH was extremely wealthy and you married him in his older years to get the money, this is a different story. Instead, you are talking about a man who was worth very little when you married him.

I am a fair person. Any property gained from my husband or his mother will be split with all the kids.. but after I die and make sure I don't need it. Why in the world should it go to them before I die? They won't be the elderly person unable to work whose only income is what I already own.

I'm doing the same for my husband. He will get the townhouse I owned before we married, when I die. He can split it how he wishes in his will if he doesn't need it in his old age.

You two are a team, why give your assets to the kids before you both die?

I work with the elderly. You may well need your husband's money to ensure you are well taken care of after a life of hard work. I've worked in at least 100 nursing home and other facilities and I promise the disparity is clear in terms of the haves and have not's, esp if they have no children to care for them. This makes you especially vulnerable. If you at least have ss in your will, he may have more incentive to be nice to you in your old age.

Many husband's leave their property to their wives and vice versa, this is the norm. You should have this discussion with your husband soon so he can change the narrative to his son and document their conversations via email.

Have that will and estate planning with a lawyer and you'll be fine. Stepson won't have money or inclination to come after you if this is all set in stone. What lawyer is going to want to come after a lady with a signed will (as well as email to prove DH informed son).

For some reason you take a very submission position in your post. You are this man's wife, the queen of the house. Do not let this money go to ss, he is not dad's wife. Please take your rightful place.

Prenuptial. Prenuptial. Prenuptial.
Thank the Lord we have one.

We have 4 kids between us. Both have 2.
Our prenuptial has all assets acquired before marriage to the children of that person. All assets titled jointly, acquired after marriage, to the spouse and then split 4 ways when the spouse dies.

My skids aren't the problem. The skid in-laws are.
One of my kids has said that if we die in suspicious circumstances he'll be sure to point the police in their direction.

...thank you