I have 2 biological children, my husband has 2 biological children. The youngest lives with us, is 18 and finishing his last year of high school. The others are all living on their own or at college full time. We all get along great. In fact, it's better than either of us ever hoped - these kids were like family from the first meeting and we couldn't ask for their relationship to be stronger or better.

Then there is the wicked-wicked step-step. It's his step daughter from his second marriage - the one right before our relationship. I call her wicked only half joking. She is onl 20 years old, so obviously there are maturity issues, and it is my responsibility to be the "bigger" person and I do that to the best of my ability, even if it means biting my tongue into 10,000 pieces at times.

I realize her attitude really isn't personal about me - and I don't take it personal. She is so jealous over anyone or thing that is in my husband's life - she just can't handle it. A few details: She no longer lives close - it's about a 6 hour drive. His biological children live about a 7 hour flight away. So keep in mind that when her mother was married to him, wickedwickedstepstep was in the house full time, biological daughter visted two weeks in the summer and a couple of days at Christmas. Some examples: if my hubby is sitting on the couch next to me or biological daughter, she will come sit in between - instead of getting on the other side. If biological daughter comes to visit, she makes sure that she is here for a few days before and all the time that bio daughter is here. If hubby tries to have any 1:1 time wtih bio daughter, wicked-step throws a fit. That's right - a 20 year old fit. She has been known to show up univited when hubby takes bio daughter on a dad-daughter "date" She brought boyfriend with her for a visit last year over the holidays, and after being instructed very firmly that they were not to share a bedroom - not only sleeps with him the first night, but gets up and showers with him the next morning, while bio daughter and bio son and I were all looking very uncomfortable (hubby was at work). The latest: she comes into town on a Friday night, and wants to see hubby on Saturday just the two of them, then expects us to entertain her all day on Sunday. No calling ahead to see if we had other plans. It's not that I mind her being here (okay - I actually do, but I know that's wrong) it's her manipulative and self-centered ways.

Add to this that she is a very different person when it is just the two of us versus when my hsuband is around. She makes snide and hateful remarks, expects to be waited on hand and foot, and acts like a bobbleheaded airhead. When my husband is around, the only conversation she will have is talking about things that happened when he was married to her mom. Asking questions like, do you remember what mom's perfume smells like, do you remember that cruise, blah blah.

My husband was married to her mother for about 8 years, and I'm sure it the divorce hurt wicked step. However, I truly think alot of wicked-steps behavior is more about maniuplation than anything. My husband sees some of the manipulation, but as most of us, he is blind to most of it. I haven't said much about it - her visits are not that frequent that I haven't been able to just bite my tongue and get through it.

However, with the holidays coming up, all the kids will be around, including his bio daughter, who deserves some quality time with her father. She is a great sport about it, and doesn't complain, but you can see the disappointment and hurt in her face when things happen. Last year I planned a special day for just she and I - a spa day, for a day that she would be here and wicked-step wouldn't. Once wicked-step found out, she changed her travel plans and showed up. I did not include her on the day - for several reasons - first, it was too late to add another reservation. Second, it was meant to be a special time for me and his bio daughter, and hubby and I agreed that this day should be about making her feel special. Wicked step has a bio father, my hubby, and current step dad in her life. Hubby's bio daugther has only him.

My question to my fellow step=parents out there, is - what are your thoughts on the best way to handle this? My hubby knows how I feel somewhat - but I know wicked step is someone he cares about - so I haven't shared all of the little snide remarks and behaviors with him. As I said above, he doesn't see some of the manipulative behaviors for what they are, and I don't make a point of going around pointing them out. But I'm at the point that just knowing wicked-step is in town is enough to put me in a bad mood. I'm more concerned about his bio daughters feelings during the holidays - I want her to feel special and actually get some quality time with her dad for once without having to fight wicked step for every second. This is what I attempted last year as well, telling him that I thought we should have the kids stagger the visits, where there was quality 1:1 time for each of them, with overlapping time for us all to be one happy family. He agreed, yet when wicked-step announced she was coming out early - he didn't do anything to deter that. She has made it clear to me, and really to him, that she isn't a prt of a family with me in it. Am I expecting to much to ask him to set some behavior guidelines for her visits? That she can be a member of the family - this family - or not?

There are so many details I could type all day - it feels good just to vent. Does anyone else have a step-step? How do you handle it?