Pulling the Plug on Christmas!
For more than 10 years the holidays were driven by what my SO wanted for the skids. He wanted Christmas to be a beautifully decorated tree/house, getting loads of thoughtful, expensive and elaborately wrapped gifts for the skids, a big home-made meal, etc. Can you guess who got the "honors" for doing all that!? Yep, me.
Because of this, my family wound up taking a back burner. Especially since they live quite a distance away. I have not spent a Christmas Eve or Day with my family, in one of their homes, in more than 10 years. My sister did come up for a visit one year in mid-December and we had an "early" Christmas with her but that's as close as it got. My family never complained because they just figured the skids were the priority for my SO (especially when they were young) and they wouldn't ask me to choose between Christmas with them, or him.
Everything revolved around the skids and what my SO wanted for them. When they were minors, it was essentially a given that they were the priority. So it was.
But now they aren't kids anymore. My SO is estranged from his son, while his daughter is an extremely self-absorbed princess who is completely wrapped up with her new fiance and HIS family for holiday planning.
I was thrilled to hear that, and was looking forward to making some plans with my SO as a couple this year - with OUR wants as a priority. Maybe a weekend away or at least a romantic dinner out and just spending time enjoying the season.
Imagine my surprise (not) when now all of a sudden this year my SO begins complaining quite vehemently about how he HATES shopping for gifts, and he HATES getting gifts, and he HATES all the Christmas music and HATES decorations everywhere.
Well, isn't that convenient. When the skids don't have the time of day for him anymore NOW he wants to opt out of Christmas. After bending over backwards for his kids, doing anything holiday-related for just us is a big damn chore for him.
Wish he had told me that a decade ago - would have saved me a lot of time, effort, finances and trouble.
Fine. I told him not to sweat it ... don't buy me anything, I won't buy him anything. There will also be no decorating, no special meal, no baking, no nothing. The couple of items I've already got for him I'm returning.
I'm not doing Christmas this year. Going to completely ignore it. He can do what he wants with SD when she gives him her scrap time; count me out.
Maybe I should start complaining about how I HATED shopping for people I don't like (skids) and how I HATED getting crappy re-gifted junk (skids) and how I HATED spending hours on a meal that was never appreciated (skids) and how I HATED decorating our home for the holidays and never heard a word about it (skids).
I know for damn sure that next year, Christmas WILL be spent with my family members and THEY will be my priority. Whether my SO is there or not.
If you can't tell, I have a raging case of resentment right now.
I'd make plans now to vamoose
I'd make plans now to vamoose over Christmas. I'm sure your family has room for one more, and Scrooge can pound sand. And if I were you, I would throw myself into the holiday season and have an absolute blast... right in front of him, without including him. If he looks at your cross-eyed about it, you can show him this post and tell him he can start making things up to you by calling all of your family to thank them for how nice they've been to let his family take priority all these years and to ask for a tip from them on how to make Christmas fantastic. And he can follow that up by following each and every one of those tips, for the sole purpose of making you the centre of the universe. And then you just might consider allowing him to join your fantastic Christmas... next year.
Oh NO - I will not allow him
Oh NO - I will not allow him to cancel Christmas, I will tell him, for 10 years I did this and that and you loved it, now suddenly your children does not have time for you and you want to punish me... that will not happen,
We will have Christmas and you will enjoy it, it's not my fault you spoiled your children and now they threw you for the wolves.... so suck it up butter cup, I want a gift. He will get socks the f@cker
I agree with the above
I agree with the above responses to go see your family. If that's not an option, go to a spa or on a vacation. Piss on him. Unbelievable.
I would have a lot of
I would have a lot of resentment, too. This is your opportunity to figure out what you want your holidays to be like, and to make it happen.
Even if it's too late to visit your family this year, you might want to consider putting up a little tree for yourself somewhere in the house, and buying yourself some gifts. That's what I would do. And play some Christmas music in the car and drive around looking at Christmas lights. Maybe ask a friend out to dinner and see a movie...
Wow, sounds like what I did
Wow, sounds like what I did for a decade. They'll probably start wanting gifts for grandkids at some point and expect you to step up. Don't. My DH was shocked when I said I'm not up for the multiple days with his side of the family each holiday, the endless hours prepping, cooking, trying to have awkward conversations with adult skids that resent me, all after weeks of shopping and wrapping, nearly all of which I did. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, they are adults, not little kiddos. Time to make some new holiday traditions of their own I'd say. I agree with KatieM. If it's not too late to salvage the holiday with your side of the family, do it. You won't regret it. He probably will though. Deep down, they know what they're kids are like even if they don't want to admit it.
I'm so sorry that your DH is
I'm so sorry that your DH is trying to ruin your holiday. Please try to go see your family. Don't cancel Christmas. That is what he wants.
I had a similar problem last year. My SKs are all older now and not into the Holiday season at home. They spend it with their friend's families. (Youngest had the nerve to imply that there is no family in our home.)They just make sure to give us an hour on Christmas morning to pick up their money and gifts... My DH also started complaining about the music, shopping, commercialism and even got political re: Managers and saying "Merry Christmas". I flat out called him on it, saying "Now that your kids are grown, you want to stop Christmas?? So it was only for them and not me and my family? Nope won't happen buddy." For years, I also did all the work. Cooking, shopping, decorating, etc. I had the maternal grandfather in my home one Christmas. While sitting at my table eating my food, he said "Hey kids lets go get a pizza". Unbelievable. Of course mousey DH said nothing. Other holidays have been worse...
Anyway, please take care of yourself. Try to see your family or do something with friends. You deserve a happy holiday. Let him sit home alone.
What an ass. Bet you regret
What an ass. Bet you regret doing all that holiday stuff for children that could care less if you were dead or alive.
I gave up caring about Christmas almost a decade ago.
i agree that the dh is an
i agree that the dh is an ass. he is transferring his anger at this adult skids and making his wife suffer by depriving her of a christmas.
this reminds me of my dh. some years ago his parents (very poor and always begging for money) needed thousands of dollars to help with expenses. dh told me that our anniversary would have to be spare. i agreed that his aging parents needed the money and a spare anniversary gift exchange was in order. imagine my anger, disgust and surrprise when dh gave five hundred dollars to his adult daughter for sporting goods. no reason at all.
i hit the ceiling. since that time dh is very careful not to go cheap with me.
his latest whine is about christmas and how some couples spend money on a bed for christmas. what a cheap ass. a piece of furniture is a living expense and not a gift. i declined the idea of a bed.
Like others have said, I hope
Like others have said, I hope its not too late for you to arrange to go and spend Christmas with your family!
BTW, it's not only me then, who used to get the "crappy re-gifted junk!"
This has happened to me also.
This has happened to me also. Same story to a tee.
I was very hurt after 30+ years of every holiday, every birthday, every Father's Day, etc. being perfect for SO. My birthday was a quick card and a "no thought" gift and no help with all the dinners, lunches, BBQ's, campouts, on and on.
So when SD56 decided her holidays, including Father's Day and DH's birthday, were all going to be spent with SGD31 and family. DH and I were never invited and he was excluded completely. Even with this, DH thinks SD56 can walk on water.
I now continue to do any holidays and special occasions for anyone that wants to come to our home. I love Thanksgiving and continuing on with Christmas. It is now small and private, but I will NOT give in to DH's sulking and wishing his princess was here.
Do what you want with your time now. It is hurtful that you are not and probably never appreciated; but believe me, if you move forward, it will get easier.
SD56 is now in town for Christmas at SGD31's and the tension is in the air for sure. DH is silent and sulking, but I WILL NOT invite these toxic women to my house for Christmas; besides what is wrong with them inviting DH for Christmas dinner?
I opted out of Christmas with my Skids 7 years ago, when they continued to get more rude at the dinner table. Last year was an awful holiday for me; I went to my Father's (100 yrs. young), because DH went to SD's; but I refused to let them know it was miserable without DH.
I'm sorry, I know the frustration. ((((hugs)))) for the holidays.
Some people get depressed
Some people get depressed this time of year if they don't have family to celebrate with and they just wish it was over.
It just reminds them of what they don't have. I'm sorry he is going through a tough time.
I would suggest taking him to a Christmas concert at a church so he can receive the gift of music and reconnect with the meaning of Christmas.
Joseph and Mary had nothing but a borrowed barn stall that first Christmas night, but what joy came into the world from there.