I agree with your dh doing the gift purchasing for his ds. Return the vacuum and let dh know that you may have overstepped a bit that the pleasure of gift giving also includes the pleasure of deciding what to buy and searching for it. Then let him find the perfect vacuum.

Since the ss will never appreciate what you do for him. Stop doing anything for him! My birthday is on xmas day, and I think in the 26 years I have been with dh, my ss47 has given me one very inexpensive gift worth $10.00 and the gift was for both my birthday and Christmas day. He gave me a card at the same time. He did not put my name on the card and just signed his first name to it, nothing else.

I used to really put myself out for him. Cooked great dinners and all he would do was put some food on his plate and move it around, but not eat it. My dh would made these strange concoctions for him to eat and all he would do was rave about saying how great a cook my dh was. For the record, my dh is not a good cook. One of his favorite things to make is to put cold chopped up hotdogs on a salad.

I finally put my foot down. I learned that my ss will continue to treat me disrespectfully no matter what I do. So I stopped buying gifts and I no longer cook for him. I feel better for it. When the gift giving fell into my dh hands, he declared that his ds is too old for my dh to be buying gifts for his bday or xmas.

Let your dh shop for his ds. Instead of the $200 you spent on the vacuum he might have spent $60. or even yet, might decided that he does not want to spend any energy and money on buying ss a Christmas gift. It is a win win situation, you do not have to resent ss for being so crude and dh can develop his relationship with his ds anyway he wants.

My husband and I each have 3 grown kids. Two of his are married and he has 2 grandkids. One of mine is married but no grandkids yet. Last year we gave each of the kids $100, plus gift bags with things for each of them that we thought they would like. We also bought gifts for the grandkids. Throughout the year, my kids remember our birthdays, mother's day, father's day, etc., but his kids do not. His sons never buy us anything. This year, we had my kids and one of his son's to dinner for my birthday. His son and wife didn't even bring a birthday card. His daughter gave us a restaurant gift card last year for Christmas.

I do all of the shopping for grandkids birthdays and never receive a thank you. They sometimes thank their father, but don't include me. The money for these gifts comes out of our joint account. I think they think their Dad is the main financial contributor to our bank account, but due to his alimony payments to his ex-wife, I contribute more financially. We recently bought his daughter and her husband a gift card for their favorite restaurant for their anniversary. She texted her father this past weekend when they were using the card thanking HIM again. There was no "thanks to both of you".

This year, we got all of the kids $100 gift cards, but I bought extra things for my kids. I'm tired of doing extra for people who don't appreciate it.

It has been 5 years since I bought anything for SD. Five years ago I bought her something special to try to mend out relationship and was treated so badly that it killed any desire to make the effort again. She has never sent a card, and has rarely given me a gift. The last one was so bad it's a blessing there are no more. Now I have no idea if DH sends her anything or not. I haven't seen anything he's received either, not even a phone call. I don't ask or worry about it. This concept gets better with every year that passes. If DH thinks it's important enough to change things he will do what is necessary to do so.

If you expect your SS to apologize to you, you will probably be waiting a VERY long time, especially if your DH will not insist on it. You will never get a 'thank you'. As other posters have suggested, take the vacuum back and let your DH handle it. You seem to be worried about your DH feeling awkward in explaining why his son is not at the dinner but your DH does not seem to feel awkward about the way his son treated you. Your DH has helped to create and perpetuate this situation. He's the one who should do the 'explaining' if needed.

Beaccountable, if I had my way, his kids would get nothing, but he feels like he has to give them something. His relationship with his kids has been strained since his divorce (before I met him). They sided with their mother. His daughter lies and says her mother lives at her address so my husband can't prove cohabitation in an attempt to lower his alimony.

It makes me feel better that I do more for my kids because I know they appreciate it and they are truly decent human beings. I could go on and on about all of the slights we've gotten from his kids. We've been together for 4 years and married for 2, so this is only our second Christmas married.

I'm done trying with his kids. His daughter has always treated me like I don't exist. Last winter, I knitted her 2 year old daughter a beautiful sweater. After we gave it to her, my husband asked her a couple of times to take a picture of her in it to send to us. She never did. I'll never do anything like that for her again.

It always boggles my mind that a DH would not say "The gift is from me and my wife" when thanked solely for a gift by his child. I can't imagine buying a gift with my husband and taking the thanks alone for it. I'd make damn sure that my child knew that both me and my husband are the givers. Seems selfish and rude otherwise. Maybe it's just me that feels this way?

Regardless, in your situation, being that SS is an adult, I would disengage and no longer buy him anything. People who treat me poorly do not get to appreciate my generosity.

I quit hosting holiday dinners five years ago. SD has a larger house (not much, just enough); I tell DH, "SD has more room, she can host". If she doesn't host, it goes wherever, but not here. I didn't mind taking my turn, but then I ended up doing it all.

Then I would take dishes, fresh bread, fresh pies, etc. to SD's, because I felt guilty for not hosting. Two years ago, I did no more of that and haven't since. I don't even help at her house; I treat myself as a guest and don't move out of my chair, with a glass of wine in my hand.

This is a result of mistreating SM for 30+ years. I do not engage in anything concerning SD and her family. I tolerate them while they visit DH; I do not move a little finger to engage with them in ANY way.

It's like saying "NO" for the first time; it gets easier the next time and the next time.

If I were you I would just tell DH you are NOT hosting; when your time comes around, only do it if you feel comfortable doing it. Nor, would I make a big deal of it; just say "NO" and let it go.