Personal Diiemma
I am facing a huge life changing decision right now - tomorrow or the next day I need to know what to do - help!
As some of you know, DH and I and our BS moved 2.5 hours away from SD 3 years ago. It has given us a reprieve from the daily troubles but she is still interferring A LOT during the summer. Thankfully the summer home she used to stay in 5 min away from our new house just sold this past winter so she didn't have a free vacation home. She was still up in our area a lot this summer. Every 2nd weekend she was up - camping - and DH spent every minute she was here with her and her kids (and her DH sometimes). I still felt like she was intruding on our sanctuary and DH cannot place boundaries on her because he loves being with her. He even tried to get me to re-engage, forgive her and sweep it all under the rug. We hada couple fights over this during the summer months. So all in all not a great summer for me.
Sorry for the long post but wanted to shed a little light on how things are going after 3 years away.
My dilemma has to do with my career /job. I was laid off my full-time job last Sept and have been looking for a new position ever since. I have had lots of interviews but no offers. I truly believe it is age discrimination since I am 55 now and they all seem to want someone young. I have a part-time job now since May but the pay is very low and hours are only between 25-30 hours at peak times. I earn less than half of what I used to!
Well, my old company / job contacted me last week and asked if I was interested in coming back. You probably wonder - what's the dilemma - it's a no brainer. Wrong! I used to work at home 3 days a week and spend one night in the city I used to live in. They were good enough to allow me to do this when I transitioned to my new location 2.5 hours away.
Once of the conditions to coming back is that I work in the office 5 days a week - no more work at home half the time. I would have to rent a studio or bachelor apartment and only be home on weekends.
It is also only a one year contract for now, but could extend after. When I originally worked there it was also contract that ended up being 5 years!
I am scared of doing this, scared that I will be happier away from DH but also don't want to leave my BS all week either. He is an older teen but him and his dad DO NOT GET ALONG. I always play referee and am afraid they will kill each other. A lot of this has to do with DH ignoring our son a lot when he was growing up, to be with his DD, and that is a whole other ugly topic too complicated to get into right now.
Any words of wisdom welcome. I am so confused.
Personal Dilemma.... not
Personal Dilemma.... not diiemma
hello! why can you not bring
hello! why can you not bring your son to the city with your for the 5 day work week?
BS is in school so wouldn't
BS is in school so wouldn't work - last year of high school actually.
Yay!!! Congratulations on
Yay!!! Congratulations on your old/new Job OFFER!!!!
Go for it if it makes
Go for it if it makes financial sense after paying rent and bills on an appartment and after commuting costs. If it doesn't work you can always move back. This way too you will be in a better position to find another job as they say you look more employable if you are already employed.
Everything else will fall into place. Everyone will have to adjust and it might be painful at first but it will work out in the end.
This might be a great
This might be a great opportunity for Dad and son to figure out their relationship.
We as Moms often think we have to mediate and try to fix things. Maybe these two need to be alone and find a way to make things work?
This is a toffee yes, what
This is a toffee yes, what would I do?
I would take the job in the city, but only if the pay is allot, and if I can safe allot .
I will make it a year contract for a test, then you have a whole year to decide.
BS and DH being alone at home, might just be what they need, it will not be easy for the first 3 months but believe me they will wort it out. BS is 18 and needs to understand DH is the man of the house not him. DH needs to understand that he never paid attention to his son..... thus hostile feelings.
DH needs to be available for you on week-ends and not run off to be with SD...
And this will be a good thing to decide if you should stay in this marriage, is there love or are the two of you just accustomed to each other?
You are still young and good looking, so why not
Take the job, keep looking,
Take the job, keep looking, when you get a full time non contract position.. quit. That is what I would do. I learned after my early 00 lay off that I will be as loyal an employee as my financial condition will allow. This is the same philosophy employers follow, what is good for the goose, is good for the gander so to speak. They already let you go once.... you have no reason to trust that they will keep you long term so ... don't trust them any further than the last pay check you need them for.
Take care of you.
Is your teen still in high school? If not, bring him with you. If he is... bring him with you and transfer him to a school near your job.
If you and DH are synched it will work out fine. If not.. it may be the catalyst for positive change for both of you.
My bride and I have had a few periods of extended time away from each other due to work. One period for 5mos when we say each other only for two weekends, and 9mos where I would fly home nearly every weekend which is similar to what you are considering. Not easy.. but... with cell phones, VOIP, etc... we actually grew closer from those experiences.
I couldn't be away from my DH
I couldn't be away from my DH and BS for that long. So it wouldn't be an option for me. Plus the cost of maintaining two homes. It wouldn't be worth it to me.
First, you need to do the
First, you need to do the math.
Find out exactly what expenses you will have if you take the new job.
1. A weekly 2.5 hour round trip
2. Rent (maybe utilites too) for an apartment. note: you can check craigslist and may be able to find a room rental situation that would work. Sometimes people want to rent a room in their home for a little extra money. The fact that you would only have to be there 3 nights a week (because you could drive to work monday and home from work friday) might be attractive and maybe will let them cut you a deal.
Then you need to figure out what the net difference is between the current income and the new income with the added expenses subtracted from it.
Then you have the net amount of additional money that you will have if you take the new job. Then you have to decide if the downside to being gone is outweighed by the additional net income you will have.
Keep your part time job and
Keep your part time job and take care of your son. He will grow up and be gone soon enough. Under the circumstances, he needs you. You say he is late teens, just stick to raising him and get two part time jobs if necessary.
I have worked two part time jobs before and it is workable if necessary, so that I could be with my two sons. I was a single Mom at the time. I lost my two sons in an accident years ago; I never regret putting them first.
SAmmi - it's her and DH's
SAmmi - it's her and DH's son, not DH's skid... but bio.... why should she be doing all the work?
Surely Dad can handle him for 5 days a week, maybe this is exactly what father and son needs?
I have a feeling that both males are competing for her attention, thus hating each other
She stated she was afraid to
She stated she was afraid to leave him with his father. If she needs two jobs for finances, then do it to stay home with her teen BS.
I know from experience, it is better to get through this, than to put $$$$ in front of your children; with that said, I don't know the entire story, only what she has posted here.
I should state "I suggest". My sons always came first and I never regret that. I was barely surviving financially, but I never put it before my sons.
I hope she can work it out. You may be correct; if she left for 5 days a week, they would get along, but then maybe that would make her teen son take a wrong turn too. One never knows.
BS is DH's bio. I just worry
BS is DH's bio. I just worry because of the fights they have and DH is not very nurturing or patient with him.
On the other hand I am tired of the stress in the house and not having enough money to enjoy life. Feel like i am on such a tight budget all the time.
I would certainly have lot's of peace and quiet being away Mon - Fri but the commute would be real rough in the winter.
ugh. Still don't know what to do.
Downsouth....we are making
Downsouth....we are making ends meet but DH crabs about money EVERY DAY! If a light is left on he crabs since it will cost hydro! He is a bit of a mizer and is sitting on a chunk of money and acts like we are on the verge of bankruptcy all the time.
It seriously is a huge cause of stress for me to feel guilty about every bill and penny spent. We are not poor and our house is paid off, but running the house and 2 vehicles etc etc is costly.
They called YOU?...after a
They called YOU?...after a year of not being employed with them? Sounds like they would love to have you back. Think of all the training they would save, let alone the turnover in trying to find the right person for the job, when they know how well you already do it. Sounds to me like you might have some bargaining leverage with this company...
If it were me, I would counter offer and tell them what you need in order to come back...be honest. The worse they can do is tell you no. If you were a great employee, and did your job well, I know as an employer myself, flexibility in todays hiring market is absolutely necessary. Don't give up...just tell them what you need.
I would much rather have a happy, balanced, part timer on my team than a miserable team player who told me anything to get the job, then later found out they really had some specific limitations that would have created a healthy work culture. Finding the balance in your own life, is always changing no matter what age you are.
Just be honest. It is the fair thing to do for the company and for yourself. And if you are afraid to tell them the truth...Then do it afraid...Peace.
Peacemaker nails it, as
Peacemaker nails it, as usual.