Ok sd22 found a job, and need advice
And it's a full time factory-type job(which sd was totally against lol). Lyft everyday will be $30-40!! That's to and from. She could end up spending $200 a week and I told SO I have absolutely no sympathy for her anymore. SO can't drive bc of epilepsy and I told him I'm sorry for being such a hardass about this but sd has known for months that being responsible around the house would allow me to give her some rides to work and she just refuses. I pointed out that I'd treat my kids the same. And he agreed with me the whole discussion.
And last night yet again SO had a grand mal and sd never reacted to my 15 year old yelling for help or me yelling for him to breath and if I hadn't been there my daughter would have been dealing with it by herself but I had just walked in when we heard the crash. SD constant ignores when it happens and once she was alone with him and she lied to me about him hitting his head and her protecting his head from hitting the entertainment center. In reality she went into the kitchen until it was over. His head was all bloody. When I realized she lied I was so angry and I blew her out. I lectured her today too about last night and let her know that her behaving this way is risking her dad's life. I'm about to the point where if she ignores his seizure again I'm making her leave. My 6 YEAR OLD has done more to help him during/after a seizure than sd ever has. My SD has some level of Asperger's but god damn she comes across as extremely selfish and uncaring and dishonest. I am not sure what of this behavior is aspergers and what is his ex wife's teachings of how they should treat their dad. Their mom would kick him while he was laying there waking up out of a seizure for wetting himself and ridicule him. All my SDs are very rude and disrespectful and one other is very dishonest as well, and the 2 who don't live with us are violent.
What would you do in this situation regarding sd ignoring and not helping when her dad has seizures? She sits watching tv even if it's happening right in front of her. I do understand it's not her job. It's not any of the kids' job but mine very quickly rush to help. If they hear a crash they make sure it's not a seizure. I taught them compassion and tried(and succeeded) to teach the importance of helping people. Two of them have witnessed car accidents and ran to help instead of freezing, which I'm proud of(little brag there). To me, she behaves in a very shitty manner and it hurts SO's feelings and just enrages me. I have very explicitly explained to her what could happen and how a seizure could kill her dad. I just don't know what to do anymore about this!! I get SO ANGRY at her. Occasionally I feel a tiny twinge of guilt for being angry at someone with Asperger's, but all this meanness, rudeness and selfishness can't all be excused by that, I can't believe that. And this is her father! He is my kids' stepfather! I know this is so long and rambling, I'm sorry. I need a discussion and advice please.
There's nothing different we
There's nothing different we can do. When a seizure hits whoever sees it protects his head while calling out for me lol It's rare they deal with a grand mal by themselves, it's more likely they catch him in an absence seizure which is far less likely to cause him injury. Even then, SD doesn't pay attention to him. And we do not at all count on her, I just get so angry that we can't. I can count on a 6 year old to do what you're supposed to do. I left for the grocery store recently and asked if he wanted me to bring dd6. He was having a bad epilepsy day and said, "Nah, she can stay here, she knows what to do if I have a seizure." And sd22 was right there. (dd6 wanted to stay home that day anyway to make forts, he was kindasorta making a joke)
There are very expensive sensing devices but they are not very accurate depending on what kind of seizures you have.
As for your (diagnosed?) statement...his ex claims sd is not and has never been diagnosed. SO said he was there when she was. But the school the skids went to didn't put her in any special classes and she didn't seem to need any. So you know, I know she is not like any other young adults, she doesn't think in normal ways, but her behavior is not like other people I've known with Asperger's.
I am so sorry you are going
I am so sorry you are going through this- and your SO too. Your kids sounds great and I am sure SO appreciates everything they do for him.
As for SD I think I would not even try to give her the responsibilty- if you can't trust her then don't leave her alone with him at all. She sounds very lazy but also completely lacking in confidence and has been set a terrible role-model by her BM. Maybe when she sees a different way of dealing with this she will learn, but I doubt it.
If she has been diagnosed
If she has been diagnosed with that then just teach her to dial 911. I know a couple of ppl like that ,they don't know how to be compassionate or do life saving things bc of their disease. If he falls out teach her like a small child to call 911. I'm sorry about your troubles. When my brother seen my mom have a stroke he had her blink twice to go get help. He doesn't have a clue what to do and he has multiple handicaps. I never yelled at him. I was just happy he did go get help. He has no emotions to dangerous situations. Like if the sky fell he wouldn't run. Maybe this is what is wrong with 15 yr old. Not sure
Aspergers
I worked with special needs children for 5 years, many who had Aspergers. None of them could handle stress very well, but instead of sitting back and doing nothing they became overly stressed. For instance, if there was a fire drill, I would have to calmly lead them out of the building (they were usually screaming) and try to get them as far away from the noise and stress as possible. Wrapping your arms around them helps considerably but is sometimes thought to be inappropriate in a school situation.
These were kids with a more debilitating degree of Aspergers than what SD has but she still seems to have a problem with the way she reacts to stress. She cannot cope so she shuts down. And yes, she probably learned coping skills from BM. Aspergers people copy others to be 'normal'.
Instead of telling her what she should do, it might be of some benefit to write out a list of 'rules' for when DH has a seizure.
Also, there may be community services to take advantage of so that SD can move out on her own and move on into adulthood.
Good luck.
It sounds like SD has never
It sounds like SD has never had to take any responsibility for her fathers health issue. She just left the room while her mother kicked and ridiculed him. SD has issues all her own and it sounds like they've never been properly addressed. You're dealing with 2 adults that have severe needs and that's a lot to take on.
That's great that SD has a job and her continued employment should be encouraged in any way possible. Is there public transit in your area? Can she get a bus pass? Is there a handivan that she would qualify for? Could she be driven and reimburse you for gas each week?
Since SD is a handful and not much help I'd tap into any resources available that would help her and take her off your hands. SSI, subsidized housing, behavioral therapy, vocational job training... BS22 has a developmental delay and he's qualified for SSI, he is in a vocational training program, he walks 2 miles to work, he is responsible for paying his fair share. He has a list of chores he's responsible for and knows that he has to comply if he wants to live here. Long term plan is to get him out from under my roof whether it's a roommate situation or subsidized housing. He needs to eventually be on his own, with support of course but I don't want to live with him forever.
Oh my, you have your hands
Oh my, you have your hands full! Aspergers is tricky. And so are seizures. You poor woman!
Not to add one more being to your household that needs care, but...
Have you thought about getting one of those service dogs that can detect seizures before they happen? The dog senses the chemical change in the body and is trained to alert people that a seizure is coming -- they also intervene to protect the person from injury during a seizure. They're supposed to be quite efficient.
https://www.epilepsy.com/learn/seizure-first-aid-and-safety/staying-safe...
If you're really open to something new, what about medical marijuana? A friend's daughter suffered many seizures in a day's time. She had a brain operation that removed the...let me get this right...the inactive part of her brain off which those currents causing her seizures bounced. The daughter no longer suffers seizures and is in medical school now. I believe this surgery is for a very specific type of seizure, though, so your SO might not be a candidate.
Forgive me if you've already considered all these options. Sometimes doctors don't think to offer you all the possible solutions, and when you're in the thick of the problem, you're just trying to stay afloat, so I just thought I'd mention it. The uncertainty of seizures must be so hard for all of you.