Nasty SD27
Ive reached my limit today with SD27. Over the past few weeks I’ve been trying to make peace in the family by getting everyone together several times. Anytime SD27 finds out she won’t have Daddy to herself she cancels which is fine she causes tension and drama anyway.
BUT
Today her stupid DH tells a mutual friend that they are tired of nobody asking them to hang out anymore and they can’t believe nobody wants to invite them over AND he admitted that SD27 is upset that her siblings and step siblings (my 2) are always around when they just want it to be them coming over.
Ive got a long history of biting my tongue with this girl and sweeping everything under the rug but I’m done. I am completely disengaging starting now! DH can coddle her and do as he pleases but I’ll have no more of it.
After my last post I took to heart what many said and told my DD18 to straighten up or ship out when it comes to respecting me and DH in our home, but he hasn’t and won’t address anything with SD27 so I’m done. She will not have control over my home.
I know there aren’t any questions here, just needed a place to put it all down where it would be understood even if only partially. Thank you!
yeah, Thats right!
yeah, Thats right!
Mine used to be the same way.
Mine used to be the same way....If they were invited over, heaven forbid anybody else at all stops by; the mortal sin. All attention on them, nobody else allowed. Everything on their terms at all times and even then you could not please them at all-even when you tried to do it! It's more than crazy insane behavior; some serious insecurity beyond my understanding and likely yours too.
Better off getting away from this sickness. As you realize now, time does not make it any better and they become more terrotorial, not less. You, on the other hand disappear from existance, and you become totally irrelevant, even in your own home.
I envy the few SM's I know whom it works for......but most of us here are all the same, just here trying to figure out a cure for this contagious infection with a treatment nobody (DH), cannot (due to weakness), administer.
So true. DH’s kids forbid
So true. DH’s kids forbid anyone else to be invited to anything involving them. Even their own sibling. SD even took it so far that if Daddee even saw anyone else on Father’s Day at all but her she would then refuse to see him. He was not allowed to see anyone but her. The other side of the coin she expects to have a 100% open invitation to anything anyone else does.
Such sickness. The only thing you can do is 100% disengagement. When you are able to take this step away from being in the middle of the circus, you really can see how sick and messed up these people really are.
These DH’s for their own comfort try to portray the situation as normal and make excuse after excuse for their children’s sick behavior. They are so far from normal. They are entitled jerks with parents who enable their bad behavior. Parents to weak to stand up and parent their own children. Just make more lame excuses for bad behavior because they are sure their children are the second coming.
Recommendation
What about turning the tables a little and suggest that SD27 play hostess? Then she's in control of who is/isn't invited, and free to discipline (or not) her feral little ones since she will be in her own home. You might suggest that this way her likelihood of having a "panic attack" will be minimized since she would be more comfortable at her home, surrounded by her things, etc. How incredibly rude of her to expect your DDs, that live there, to NOT be there when she visits?! Especially when one is a minor... she is ridiculous. If she tells your DH she doesn't want to cook, then suggest he brings take out or they can order in. Hope this helps!
Understand
We have been together 14 years, 12 married and SD60 has yet to acknowledge my BD24. When I have written letters inviting SD to visit, the letters go unanswered although she admits to DH she received them. She moans how much she misses her Dad and has been waiting over a decade to be invited (ummm I guess my invites don’t count). Anyhoo, after the last unanswered invite, I disengaged...it’s always about her. My DH hates to talk to her it’s such a constant stream of consciousness about her that he only gets “hi” and “bye” in. Her texts are just as bad...and the excuses! Oh lord I could create a pick list of pat excuses...there is an excuse for everything. Of course DH does get invited to visit but it’s my fault (per SD) he won’t go...uh no, DH, you need to tell skids why you won’t go...I have told him endlessly to go visit ... I just don’t want to spend my vacation time and hard earned money to go.
Anyway - sorry for the long response but your post reminded me of the games the skids try to play to control everything.
I have no qualms saying in my home
Its my right and disceetion who i invite over.
if you want to live in lala land and expect to come over to my home that our kids or my kids live in and expect they be kicked out of home temporarily for your imaginary panic attacks then you’re beyond unreasonable and you have no right to dictate what goes on in my home.
if you want a visit with daddy on your own, take initiative and invite him over and prep lunch, it you can’t do that and due to your panic attacks and unruly kids can’t eat in a restaurant or cafe, then i guess it means you won’t see daddy of your own accord and choosing!!
That is weird. If I go over
That is weird. If I go over to my dad's, I couldn't care less if my sisters and/or brothers are there, too.
If your SD27 doesn't want to see her siblings, why doesn't she invite just you and your DH to her house for dinner?
It’s Me Too
She’s jealous of me too so the only option which would please her is for her to invite Daddy to her place, but since I refund it’s the only option period. No more babysitting, no more Christmas shopping, no more offering any sort of help. Not only will I get my sanity back but I bet DH will start to see clearly what she has a mess she has made with all of us that aren’t him now that he’s the only one there to clean it up.
When I married DH I always knew the minor kids would probably create some obstacles for us but I never imagined the adults being an issue. It’s beyond my comprehension.
Im excited for my new freedom, slept well for the first time in months last night after my revelation. Thank you to all that are here to listen and share your experience.
Disengage, stop inviting her
Disengage, stop inviting her and just let ALL of this GO. Do not let SD27 consume you and mentally rent space in your mind and life. She wants to be miserable and complain that's on her. Leave it all on your H to deal with.
Save yourself the headache and do what makes you happy! Life is too short for all the extra unnecessary bullsh!t.