My step daughters behavior is unnacceptable to me

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Hello....I am brand new to this site, having found it when I googled "Problems with adult stepchildren". I am the biological mother of four grown kids and have now married into being the step mother of two girls, ages 19 and 25. I love my husband very much but after only a year of marriage I can see that if anything ever destroys this marriage it will be his girls. I guess my question is this...am I bound to accept behavior in his children that I would not accept in my own? Such as manners, thoughtfulness, etc? My kids know that when dinner is over, everyone pitches in and helps clean up. His kids go grab another beer and plop in front of the TV. His kids come home to my family lake house so drunk and hung over that they stay in bed the entire next day. His kids bring strangers home to said house to have....ummm...."fun". My husband is so desperate to have a relationship with them that he will not listen to any criticism of them. My kids can't stand them and don't want them inviting themselves to our lake home anymore. This is starting to affect my health. My husband says they have a right to be there whenever they want, even though the house belongs to my parents, not to me. IDEAS? Help. I am losing sleep and feel like I have ulcers.

Thanks Echo. I like your

Thanks Echo. I like your advice. I guess I need to learn to stand up to them. I just kept expecting my husband to do it. For the record, I NEVER buy them beer....all my kids are in their late 20's/early 30's and they keep beer in the fridge which his kids help themselves to, making my kids resent them even more but they are too polite to tell these girls to go get their own. I am going to make it a point to set ground rules for them just as I would for my own kids. What's the worst that can happen? They won't want to come back?

Are you ready to fight with

Are you ready to fight with DH but get your health back? Put your foot down. Disrespectful behavior is not allowed at the parents lake house. Nor is it allowed in your house. You are in control here, you have to exert it.

At 19 and 25, they can eat dinner elsewhere. So that problem can be solved. No guests without permission. When someone is in your house and you didn't allow it, you tell them to leave.

DH fear can't paralyze you.

I am clearly new to this

I am clearly new to this because I responded to you but somehow it ended up beneath my response to the person who commented after you. Thanks for your response and see below!

Welcome to my world. I put

Welcome to my world. I put up with horrendous disrpespet for myself, my adult children and even watched my husband be disrespected from his adult children. Stupid, stupid idiot that I am it has taken me 8 years to say no more, I banned the daughter 29 from my home last August, she in turn banned her brothers (she can because she is the pack leader and since birth has controlled the entire family), anyway I thank her for that one. Bottome line, if you think you are going to wake up one morning and this will all be better it won't. Like your husband, mine also could see no wrong in his children and we would argue about it constantly. Seems mine who behave like yours could do right, whilst his who are ferral could do no wrong.

Step bitch from hell gave birth to a baby bred to be the ultimate weapon against daddy in May, I have been physicall ill since June.........was it worth it no. So in August I said no more and she has not been here since. Is this over, no it isn't, I am expecting trouble at Christmas, but have made decision, if my husband would rather be with his ferral kids supporting them, doing everything for them, waiting on them hand and foot, and being abused for his trouble......then he can go for it. I'm done.

The difference between you and I is we have been married for 10 years, and these morons have been in our life for 8, the first two years were glorious, the last 8 have been hell.

Your husbands kids are not going to change, your husband is not going to change. Nothing will change unless you step up and change it. 8 years of misery and ill health for what, a man who cared more about his ferral lazy greedy kids getting more and more and more, than he did about his wife, who was by the way doing absolutely everything for him. Sorry, but do not follow my trail. Do something about this now before they take away your strength to do it and make you feel that there is something wrong with you - not them. Good Luck.

Thank you. I am sorry for

Thank you. I am sorry for your experience. What you say is true and I have to put a stop to it. I actually have constant chest pains. These girls have him wrapped around their fingers. They talk circles around him and confuse him to get what they want, usually money. I think they are mad because I see through their BS and tell him what they are really after. I HAVE TO SAY NO. That is my new mantra.

Sorry double posted.

Renie, DH's who feel guilty

Renie, DH's who feel guilty or worry about their relationships with their kids, always seem to think the new wife is wrong.

Like alwaysanxious said their fear can paralize you. Don't let that happen!

Welcome to the website

There's nothing wrong with

There's nothing wrong with being a f***KING C**T IF THEY DESERVE IT!!! JUST SAY "NONE OF THIS IS OK WITH ME" OR GET ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP!!!!! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG LADIES WITH BEING ALONE IF YOU ARE NOT BEING TREATED WITH RESPECT. PERIOD!!! IT'S ON YOU!!!

No, I would not tolerate any

No, I would not tolerate any of it, see you need to point out to your hubby that this whole family is suppose to be treated equally, and he is giving his daughters cartblonch( forgive me if I didnt spell that right). Hes co-sighning laziness and not teaching them to be responsible in the adult world, when he is dead and gone the world is not going to drag behind his girls cleaning their mess or let alone take their accountability. He is NOT dong them any favors and is honestly hurting them in the long run to not be functioning adults as they should be at this age. Whatever his guilt is hes condoning a behavior that is unhealthy obviously for everyone. I know it will be hard but take a stand, sometimes you have to for your own mental and physical health.He needs to let go of the two oldest girls and realize it is effecting the younger ones and that is not fair nor is it fair to you. You are not their maid or their keeper..and honestly...neither is he! When he can except the fact their lazy and not babys any more and repriortize priorities in the household..you and your kids will be happier...and honestly....so will he for takng a stand to a over due problem instead if rideing on a wave of guilt and acting like none of this is a issue. Good luck to you !

Simply lay the NORMAL social

Simply lay the NORMAL social rules down... husband included - or get rid of all of them and start over. Don't you DREAM of getting the respect you give? These "men" are not the only fish in the sea and life is TO SHORT!!!!

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My step daughters behavior is unnacceptable to me