Yes,18 and still does NOTHING but sit around all day and content to smoke weed and play video games because his MOM lets him! And I'm caught in between. I so want to gtf out and am daily examining my thoughts here...
Would you wife be on board with giving him a freeloading cutoff date? For instance, he could be given 45 days to get a job, and begin contributing towards his food and other expenses? Right now, there is no incentive for him to move out. What are the household rules? Enforcing a curfew on an 18 year old is a quick way to get them to consider other living arrangements.
I believe there is sort of a date,but making it to that date is torturous! He receives SS checks from his father's disability,but that runs out this summer and I have a feeling there's gonna be a helluva blowout!
He's always been spoiled and given whatever he wants,all he has to do is throw a fit. Well he's supposed to be a fking adult now,who does that?
I've told her all along the way that things are eventually going to change,but her nature is to wait until the last minute and then act...well if you're not prepared then you're screwed. And as usual I have a feeling I'm going to get shrapnel from this as I do every fight,somehow they try to unload the blame on me the messenger,instead of nutting up and taking control of their future.
There needs to be a definite date that all parties are aware of. I would suggest clearly explaining your expectations for what needs to be accomplished in that time frame, and the consequences if it doesn't happen.
You could give him smaller weekly goals, that will push him towards being employed, and contributing to the household by the end of 30 days. A small goal could be filling out 3 job applications per week.
Make the little moocher's life as uncomfortable as possible. It's too fun and easy for him to be a loser in that house.
Sorry but the majority of your suggestions would come off like a joke around here...expect for making him uncomfortable,which is what I've been trying to do but you don't think that bastard hasn't been doing the same? He constantly walks the line,just like he did when he was a little sht. Now his mom has to step in and play referee,which is basically good cop bad cop. She just wants to appear to be making an effort for me,but it's glaringly obvious nothing is changing.
Then what will happen is if he gets 'uncomfortable' enough to claim he's moving out,then it's my fault because I pushed him out. Didn't have to be that way if he would've just straightened up. But it's his way or the highway,and I'll take the highway no prob and let them crumble I don't give a sh.
Ugh. THIS is what I fear for my future. DH is all too willing to excuse his kids' inactivity and laziness. They're all young, but one day they're going to be 18, and I wonder what his excuses for their slack asses will be then.
How long are we expected to put up with these moochers? The thing is, I don't think I will. Eventually you have to put it on the line - either your kid straightens up and gets off his ass to support himself and do something with his life, or I'm GONE!
I hope it never comes to that, but I can't tolerate the thought of having parasites living off me instead of growing up and taking care of themselves, either my kids OR somebody else's!
We've had this conflict before,and like I said this should be do or die time when he's got to do something. I've tolerated this way long enough! She tries to throw in interference by saying things like 'he's not your concern'...what? We both live here and it's unavoidable!
I can go away from the house but it doesn't stop when I leave...they're going to be the way they are and that's not the type of character I want to be around. Like I said I've stretched my patience long enough,she may claim the same but apparently she's not as motivated as I am if that's true.
I've posted about this before and we've covered the legal stuff...the most they'd do around here is slap on the wrist,meanwhile I've stirred up a wasp nest at home.
He might end up 40 and still a slacker like most of the people around here,but as long as I'm keeping the fire lit something may get done. But I have a feeling I'll end up out of here before that...kids will always take precidence over spouses,no matter how much of a burden they'll be. Some people are just suckers for punishment.
We had some next door neighbors that were a prime example...the kids were burdens on society and always in rehab. But one day one of the kids overdosed and was carried out by a coroner. It may not get that bad here but I'm willing to bet he's not gonna be accepted by Harvard anytime in his life either;
I think her ideal situation is to 'keep peace' by having me out doing all the work while he sits around and sponges...nope,ain't gonna work like that. We need ALL hands on deck here. There's no reason why he can't do SOMETHING to contribute...and not just take out a bag of trash once in awhile.
Sure he may be getting checks through NO effort on his part,but we know that train is ending soon and in the meantime she should have been preparing him for reality! Sure she's told him about it but it's just noise to a know it all son of a bitch...she can't make him do anything. Well actually she could if she had balls,but I think that's what the male figure is there for. But not when he's on a chain and hands are tied.
It's like he keeps swinging from one vine to the other,there's always a net for him rather than being thrown out into the harsh world like what happened to me and others of my generation. I think he's due a trust fund,but it's only a couple thousand bucks and I think he's planning on that being the next thing to save him from the real world...but he's so dumb he doesn't realize a couple thousand doesn't go anywhere nowadays.
Sadly I had a friend of similar. He wasn't lazy by any means,just one of those 'tempermental artiste' types,and lived with his parents all of his life while being able to pursue his 'arts'. No pride. He's 40 now and I think one of them died,he's probably thought about the future but doesn't realize any inheritances will one day run out and it's not going to be a good scene when they come crashing to the ground with no skills etc.
I've done that before,she wasn't financially dependent on me before...but now that the gov't cheese is running out she needs the income and like I said I'm not going to be the sole person here no matter how much she tries to guilt me about how she picked up the slack when I was out of work etc...with GOVERNMENT money!
Anything to take the heat off the poor boy( Time to stop wiping his azz like he's 9 and realize he's almost 19!
All hands on deck,time to stop living 'just good enough'...
Apparently my threshold for tolerance is being constantly pushed here...sure she can say well at least he's not running the streets or harder drugs or whatever,but it's still not good!
He's always been a con artist to wrap his family around his finger and I'm the bad guy he hates because I expose him!!
It's like the family history here,any men either left or died and you can be sure I'm not going without a fight!
I don't think much scares these zombies...they'll be content in whatever pit they end up,but I'm not! I'm trying to get on track with my own life and don't need an anchor dragging me down!
Seems around here they're seasoned con atrists that know how to work the system,so I'm sure he'll try for some kind of assistance from somewhere rather than having to lift a finger in life.
I can tell a kid who has a future by the way they act etc and I saw this one coming.
She may tell me not to be concerned with it but it's a thorn in my side.
I mean it's so obvious we all despise each other here...I despise them for being conniving,and they despise me for seeing it. She sleeps most of the time when I'm here,but when I'm not I come home and see she's been doing alot! That's a sign right there.
Maybe if they left the house once in awhile too and went out and did something like the old days there wouldn't be as much resentment.
Fk this--I know all too well the feeling of resentment! The only way I manage these days is to wake up in my step-nightmare and tell myself, "Oh yay, another day in Hell. But today will be different. Today, I really won't give a rat's ass what these fkrs try to pull." So I go about my day ignoring every stupid comment. Ignoring every mess this moron creates. Ignoring every stupid "coincidence" that the skid is in my space at just the wrong time. Ignoring the lazy, the manipulative, the stupid. Then by the end of the day, my nerves are so shot that I calm them with a little wine (but most of the time it's Vodka) and I go to sleep, hoping to dream of another time and another place. Without kids and definitely without skids....only to wake up again to the nightmare.
The sun comes up and the sun goes down. Or, I guess I should jump ship to a place where I can live my life in peace. Patience, my friend. Someday it will all end one way or another.
I'm just so over it,it's the same thing all the time. If I bring it up in conversation it ends up being just alot of denying and arguing and nothing gets done.
I just wish there was a way to put a scare,but you can't with these kids. They're blatantly defiant and I just wait for karma to take it's course but that may never come...
They like to keep pushing here until someone goes off,THEN they might wake up for a bit.
Welcome to my world. At least my wife is trying to do something about but he is almost 19. Probably not going to graduate this year as he dropped out last year and came back this year. He did manage a 16 percent in math though so far. Don't know how he is going to manage as he doesn't work and hasnt held a job in almost a year. Fun times.
Not that easy,I've got years tied up in there holding things together...besides I think there may be mental issues because whenever I get ready to leave all of a sudden she wants to 'talk'. Most normal people would probably have been gone by now. But apparently we're suckers for punishment to see how much we can take before stress kills us...that's tenacity;
And he's too stupid and burnt
And he's too stupid and burnt out to care! He needs an incredible wake up call!
Would you wife be on board
Would you wife be on board with giving him a freeloading cutoff date? For instance, he could be given 45 days to get a job, and begin contributing towards his food and other expenses? Right now, there is no incentive for him to move out. What are the household rules? Enforcing a curfew on an 18 year old is a quick way to get them to consider other living arrangements.
I believe there is sort of a
I believe there is sort of a date,but making it to that date is torturous! He receives SS checks from his father's disability,but that runs out this summer and I have a feeling there's gonna be a helluva blowout!
He's always been spoiled and given whatever he wants,all he has to do is throw a fit. Well he's supposed to be a fking adult now,who does that?
I've told her all along the way that things are eventually going to change,but her nature is to wait until the last minute and then act...well if you're not prepared then you're screwed. And as usual I have a feeling I'm going to get shrapnel from this as I do every fight,somehow they try to unload the blame on me the messenger,instead of nutting up and taking control of their future.
There needs to be a definite
There needs to be a definite date that all parties are aware of. I would suggest clearly explaining your expectations for what needs to be accomplished in that time frame, and the consequences if it doesn't happen.
You could give him smaller weekly goals, that will push him towards being employed, and contributing to the household by the end of 30 days. A small goal could be filling out 3 job applications per week.
Make the little moocher's life as uncomfortable as possible. It's too fun and easy for him to be a loser in that house.
Sorry but the majority of
Sorry but the majority of your suggestions would come off like a joke around here...expect for making him uncomfortable,which is what I've been trying to do but you don't think that bastard hasn't been doing the same? He constantly walks the line,just like he did when he was a little sht. Now his mom has to step in and play referee,which is basically good cop bad cop. She just wants to appear to be making an effort for me,but it's glaringly obvious nothing is changing.
Then what will happen is if he gets 'uncomfortable' enough to claim he's moving out,then it's my fault because I pushed him out. Didn't have to be that way if he would've just straightened up. But it's his way or the highway,and I'll take the highway no prob and let them crumble I don't give a sh.
Ugh. THIS is what I fear for
Ugh. THIS is what I fear for my future. DH is all too willing to excuse his kids' inactivity and laziness. They're all young, but one day they're going to be 18, and I wonder what his excuses for their slack asses will be then.
How long are we expected to put up with these moochers? The thing is, I don't think I will. Eventually you have to put it on the line - either your kid straightens up and gets off his ass to support himself and do something with his life, or I'm GONE!
I hope it never comes to that, but I can't tolerate the thought of having parasites living off me instead of growing up and taking care of themselves, either my kids OR somebody else's!
We've had this conflict
We've had this conflict before,and like I said this should be do or die time when he's got to do something. I've tolerated this way long enough! She tries to throw in interference by saying things like 'he's not your concern'...what? We both live here and it's unavoidable!
I can go away from the house
I can go away from the house but it doesn't stop when I leave...they're going to be the way they are and that's not the type of character I want to be around. Like I said I've stretched my patience long enough,she may claim the same but apparently she's not as motivated as I am if that's true.
^^^^^I like this idea. Or
^^^^^I like this idea. Or you could leave the tip anonymously. Can people still do that nowadays?
I've posted about this before
I've posted about this before and we've covered the legal stuff...the most they'd do around here is slap on the wrist,meanwhile I've stirred up a wasp nest at home.
He might end up 40 and still a slacker like most of the people around here,but as long as I'm keeping the fire lit something may get done. But I have a feeling I'll end up out of here before that...kids will always take precidence over spouses,no matter how much of a burden they'll be. Some people are just suckers for punishment.
We had some next door neighbors that were a prime example...the kids were burdens on society and always in rehab. But one day one of the kids overdosed and was carried out by a coroner. It may not get that bad here but I'm willing to bet he's not gonna be accepted by Harvard anytime in his life either;
I think her ideal situation
I think her ideal situation is to 'keep peace' by having me out doing all the work while he sits around and sponges...nope,ain't gonna work like that. We need ALL hands on deck here. There's no reason why he can't do SOMETHING to contribute...and not just take out a bag of trash once in awhile.
Sure he may be getting checks through NO effort on his part,but we know that train is ending soon and in the meantime she should have been preparing him for reality! Sure she's told him about it but it's just noise to a know it all son of a bitch...she can't make him do anything. Well actually she could if she had balls,but I think that's what the male figure is there for. But not when he's on a chain and hands are tied.
It's like he keeps swinging from one vine to the other,there's always a net for him rather than being thrown out into the harsh world like what happened to me and others of my generation. I think he's due a trust fund,but it's only a couple thousand bucks and I think he's planning on that being the next thing to save him from the real world...but he's so dumb he doesn't realize a couple thousand doesn't go anywhere nowadays.
Sadly I had a friend of similar. He wasn't lazy by any means,just one of those 'tempermental artiste' types,and lived with his parents all of his life while being able to pursue his 'arts'. No pride. He's 40 now and I think one of them died,he's probably thought about the future but doesn't realize any inheritances will one day run out and it's not going to be a good scene when they come crashing to the ground with no skills etc.
I've done that before,she
I've done that before,she wasn't financially dependent on me before...but now that the gov't cheese is running out she needs the income and like I said I'm not going to be the sole person here no matter how much she tries to guilt me about how she picked up the slack when I was out of work etc...with GOVERNMENT money!
Anything to take the heat off the poor boy( Time to stop wiping his azz like he's 9 and realize he's almost 19!
All hands on deck,time to stop living 'just good enough'...
Oh but to people like this
Oh but to people like this it's 'just harmless pot'...yeah they don't realize there's a stigma that goes along with that.
Apparently my threshold for
Apparently my threshold for tolerance is being constantly pushed here...sure she can say well at least he's not running the streets or harder drugs or whatever,but it's still not good!
Ummmm. I never wiped my 9
Ummmm. I never wiped my 9 year old sons ass. LOL, stopped doing that YEARS ago LMAO.
I wouldn't put up with this crap. Time to give the ultimate ultimatum... It's him or ME. And MEAN it.
He's always been a con artist
He's always been a con artist to wrap his family around his finger and I'm the bad guy he hates because I expose him!!
It's like the family history here,any men either left or died and you can be sure I'm not going without a fight!
I don't think much scares
I don't think much scares these zombies...they'll be content in whatever pit they end up,but I'm not! I'm trying to get on track with my own life and don't need an anchor dragging me down!
Seems around here they're
Seems around here they're seasoned con atrists that know how to work the system,so I'm sure he'll try for some kind of assistance from somewhere rather than having to lift a finger in life.
I can tell a kid who has a future by the way they act etc and I saw this one coming.
She may tell me not to be concerned with it but it's a thorn in my side.
I mean it's so obvious we all
I mean it's so obvious we all despise each other here...I despise them for being conniving,and they despise me for seeing it. She sleeps most of the time when I'm here,but when I'm not I come home and see she's been doing alot! That's a sign right there.
Maybe if they left the house once in awhile too and went out and did something like the old days there wouldn't be as much resentment.
Fk this--I know all too well
Fk this--I know all too well the feeling of resentment! The only way I manage these days is to wake up in my step-nightmare and tell myself, "Oh yay, another day in Hell. But today will be different. Today, I really won't give a rat's ass what these fkrs try to pull." So I go about my day ignoring every stupid comment. Ignoring every mess this moron creates. Ignoring every stupid "coincidence" that the skid is in my space at just the wrong time. Ignoring the lazy, the manipulative, the stupid. Then by the end of the day, my nerves are so shot that I calm them with a little wine (but most of the time it's Vodka) and I go to sleep, hoping to dream of another time and another place. Without kids and definitely without skids....only to wake up again to the nightmare.
The sun comes up and the sun goes down. Or, I guess I should jump ship to a place where I can live my life in peace. Patience, my friend. Someday it will all end one way or another.
LOL...Hang in there!
I've tried that too,I try and
I've tried that too,I try and put it out of my mind but that's just ignoring the elephant in the room^
I'm just so over it,it's the
I'm just so over it,it's the same thing all the time. If I bring it up in conversation it ends up being just alot of denying and arguing and nothing gets done.
I just wish there was a way
I just wish there was a way to put a scare,but you can't with these kids. They're blatantly defiant and I just wait for karma to take it's course but that may never come...
They like to keep pushing here until someone goes off,THEN they might wake up for a bit.
Welcome to my world. At
Welcome to my world. At least my wife is trying to do something about but he is almost 19. Probably not going to graduate this year as he dropped out last year and came back this year. He did manage a 16 percent in math though so far. Don't know how he is going to manage as he doesn't work and hasnt held a job in almost a year. Fun times.
Just ended up that way,didn't
Just ended up that way,didn't have much choice. I'd always rented and when I left the last place she suggested I move in...the rest is history^
Not that easy,I've got years
Not that easy,I've got years tied up in there holding things together...besides I think there may be mental issues because whenever I get ready to leave all of a sudden she wants to 'talk'. Most normal people would probably have been gone by now. But apparently we're suckers for punishment to see how much we can take before stress kills us...that's tenacity;