Is this common? I just want the door locked! Boyfriend gets very defensive over perceived criticism of his precious snowflakes.
I live with my boyfriend of three and a half years, and I moved into his house. His 18 year old D is in college out of state, and 22 year old son moved out (boyfriend pays for all of his expenses)and lives about 15 miles away. So, the 22son comes over occasionally when we are at work to do laundry (and laze around the house) I have trained him to at least text me so I don't come back thinking someone has broken in (he knows I have pepper spray). I try to be accommodating, but secretly I get pissed off cause he has a tendency to leave a previously locked house unlocked. Boyfriend doesn't hear that part only whines "it was his home too" and " why are you attacking my kids?!" No matter how calmly and blandly I bring something up, boyfriend at times reads waaaay to much into it. It is totally distorted. I responded to 22 year old's text with "I will be back soon to work on some of my ongoing projects and catch up on my recordings. See ya soon!" I hope this discourages him from eating all the food, and sitting in front of the TV for 6 or 7 hours thinking he can hog the TV and internet. It seems pointless to bring this up with Boyfriend, and creative ideas on subtly encouraging 22 son to perhaps find alternatives?
Move out now. Any man who is
Move out now. Any man who is still supporting adult children has his priorities way out of line.
This will only get worse. His kids feel entitled and they will expect things from him forever. He has created this
situation and you can't change it. They will all resent you for wanting a normal relationship that includes
privacy and them being self-sufficient.
Take it from me and others on here. We know.
OMG yes - get out now girl!
OMG yes - get out now girl! Adults are still manipulating your boyfriend like that? Shit, I wouldn't put up with SD14 acting like that at age 12, much less at 22. I'd move...
I'd just change the locks on
I'd just change the locks on the house so none of them could get in....enjoy your weekend!!
Wow, that is a lot to think
Wow, that is a lot to think about. Thank you for your advice. I am new to dating a man with children, I do not have children of my own, and I have never been married. The 22 Son is allegedly going to school so that is why Boyfriend pays. Thank goodness this is not an everyday thing. I was raised in a totally different family so my expectations are different. It is weird because my boyfriend values are that same, yet he has no back bone when it comes to his kids or ex wife. He complains about their behavior, yet doesn't take significant steps to change it. Thank goodness I bought a VERY LARGE gun safe to store any and all of my valuables. Heehee
he suffers from "guilty
he suffers from "guilty father syndrome". google it. he will have a different standard for all other peoples' children than he will for his own. i've seen this happen, first hand, for 16 years now. it has helped to destroy our marriage.
if you stay with him, you will need "marriage" counseling, for sure. however, if he's like my husband, he will adjust his behavior for a short time, and then go back to the way he was.
your biggest problem is yet to come; his D. she will be in competition with you for her father. my SD didn't start this until she was 20 years old.
i don't know how old you are but you still have time to find someone who does not have children or who has a healthy realationship with their adult children (but they are VERY hard to find).
i would NEVER be involved with a man with children again. never.
I agree. You are signing up
I agree. You are signing up for a life of hell from his kids. They will resent you cause fights and if you ever have kids they will RUIN YOU LIVES. Take it from me I know as I have been married 20 years and we have 2 kids 19 and 17 that my sd's are so jealous of. The only serious advise I have for my owns is NEVER NEVER NEVER get involved with someone with kids. You are buying 2 major problems, his son and his daughter. My advise is RUN!!!!
I love your idea! I have to
I love your idea! I have to tread lightly as BF gets weirdly defensive around his kids and pulls an "it's MY house, I can do what I want" response. When he has been away from his toxic ex and toxic kids he is balance and reasonable. I feel somewhat powerless (NOT helpless though) because I am not married to him and don't have wife status.
"I feel somewhat powerless
"I feel somewhat powerless (NOT helpless though) because I am not married to him and don't have wife status."
in other words, you're very lucky.
RUN like the wind!
RUN like the wind!