I think the safety issue is a man/woman thing. DH and I have discussed safety issues in the past, but he doesn't understand what it's like to be a woman, and not a large woman. He's a big, strong man. He played high school football and lifted weights, so he's always been big. Nobody ever messed with him.

As for the rest of it, it's easier to blame you. My DH doesn't blame me for things, but he's not as hard about some things as I would be. I understand why...BM PAS's the skids and he's afraid to totally lose the relationship. There are a lot of reasons why dads do what they do. Guilt is a biggie. And think about it...teenage daughter...talk about alien! LOL

That would have scared the crap out of me if I was in the bathtub and I heard somebody in the house. They're lucky you didn't call 911. I would certainly be locking all the doors and windows. Just keep telling yourself, six more years and they'll all be 18!!

Lord, so much for relaxation time right!?
Not only that but if they are old enough to climb through windows.. etc. Could they not have a key.. or better yet, knock? You were home afterall, or hey what about call first?

Even after having my own BS, I still often get the look as if I dont know what Im talking about.. SD just turned 4, and Ive been with FDH since she was about 18months. I think I have been around enough to have an opinion and voice that counts. I have been around enough to say that I have helped raise her on his EOW.

More disneylanddad? Afraid to have rules? No surprise there!

We have a coded door lock. No keys for kids to loose, it is marvelous. I highly recommend them to anyone. They are pricey, about $100 but it saves a lot of hassle. No worries about kids being locked out or loosing keys. If my girls are w their dad and need to pick something up they just punch in the code and get it. We change the code regularly as I will give it to family or friends or neighbors whenever they are dropping something off and I won't be home.

It's funny because we actually live in the downtown area of a major city in the US. The crime stats are pretty good per capita, but still high. I've been here 7 years, and DH has been here 4 years (he was in the burbs before) DH is the freaker about safety. About half the time I sit in the house with the door open, leave it unlocked if I'm not going to be gone too long, and I *always* leave my car doors unlocked. I had one incident where a homeless person slept in my car, LOL, and one where I moved out of a house and then it got broken into (nothing stolen as there was nothing there).

It would freak me out if someone came into our house that I didn't know though. I dunno. He's always bitching at me to not do the things I do, but I have some sort of social contract trust with the neighborhood, so I don't get it. I definitely DO teach the kids to ask who it is when someone knocks at the door (in our n'hood, a lot of friends live within about a few blocks of us, so we're always getting drop in visitors), and I try and teach them common sense and to be friendly to everyone from the homeless to the president.

I said in a post earlier today that I'm scatterbrained, so I learned how to pick locks ages ago for when I inevitably lose my keys about once a week, HAHA. Did your SD know you were there?

Just playing devil's advocate and of course all IMHO.

We have the garage code too! It works great... My ss9 now took to purposely riding the bus to my house last year on days he was to be at his mom's and well he could get in but once he figured out no one was home he would call his mom and she would come pick him up. I still feel bad that he dislikes going to his mom's that much but at least if there is an off chance he doesn't know what bus to get on his default is to come here and go to a neighbors until he can get a hold of someone.

My ss12 is a wheelchair bound so on most days we have nurses that let themselves in to get him off the bus. If we need to fire a nurse changing the garage code is a ton cheaper than a locksmith too.

I do know the absolute fear of hearing someone walk in your house when you aren't expecting it. One day my ss9 was just 7 and he did get on the bus insted of waiting for his grandfather to get him at school and I was in the living room breastfeeding my infant.... Hello shock!!!

Windows are for a breeze or a fire not for sneaking in or out of at any point. If she is sneaking in it she is also sneaking out of it. I was a teenage girl once too and that is nothing but trouble. Tell your man to put his big boy boxers on and realize what is happening in front of his face!

Sorry but when they turn 18 is not the magic number...my SD got worse at 18 and it's been hell ever since.

My SD17 goes around and unlocks every window she can before we go out of town so that she can get into our house when we're not here. She is supposed to be staying with BM, but BM turns her loose all day to do whatever she wants unsupervised. It drives me totally insane. Last time we left for a few days, SD ran back into the house saying she "forgot something," and unlocked three windows. I went back in and locked them. After we left town, SD BROKE A WINDOW to get in so she could bring her boyfriend, ELCP (entitled little cokehead prick) into our house.

We've padlocked the front door and put double locks on all the windows. This crap is ridiculous. SO and I go out of town on business often (we work together) and have to deal with this on a regular basis. SD has not given the safety of our house and belongings ONE THOUGHT. She is only concerned with what she wants RIGHT NOW. But who can blame her? She is rewarded by BM for acting this way.

So much for relaxation time... right. I've come to believe that going on vacation and getting personal space and freedom is for other people.

You have every right to insist those windows stay locked.

It sounds more like an issue of house rules than an issue of discipline. You are saying, "All doors and windows should be locked for safety/security" and FH is saying, "Nope, not a house rule and therefore I will not enforce it". You can't really blame the kids for the lack of cohesiveness between you and FH. They're kids after all, it's your job to decide all that adult stuff such as which rule we should follow. I when I say You, I mean you and FH. They are not really alien in that sense. Imagine if you had a Senior VP (FH) and a Junior VP (you), Junior VP says all reports must be turned in by Friday, but Senior VP refuses to enforce it and when questioned, says, "ahhh, I guess you can if you want to do extra work instead of having fun". Who would YOU listen to? And NOPE, safety and security issues are not common sense. They have to be taught.

But, I agree with you. All doors and window should be locked. Perhaps you could get an alarm with door and window chimes. I'm such a freak about safety that not only are doors and windows locked at all times, but anytime someone opens a door or window, a nice voice says, "front door open" or bedroom window open". Better yet, set your alarm for when you are home and when it goes off, it's a $50 fine for every false alarm. DH's learn really quick when their pocketbook is the penalty.

Ask disneydad how often they do this when they are supposed to be in bed sleeping.

Yeah, he needs to handle this and no you didn't over react.