I can't tell you what a comfort the StepTalk community has been to me. I am going through a really difficult time now. I had separated from my husband 4 years ago completely amicably but we put off the divorce because he was in a very bad place financially. We were married for 17 years - more good than bad - but finally called it quits because I needed to have children in my life and he refused to consider adoption. I tried to had natural children but was unable to carry to term and (not to be dramatic) nearly died the third and last time I tried. Last rites and the whole shebang.

I got in touch with my first love and we got together and were so happy. The problem continues to be that he has 3 children from his first marriage and a very angry first wife who, although she did not have to work ever since her first son was born (ss16) and now gets $6K a month in support, still refuses to let him go and get on with his life.

My husband recently died - he died on Thanksgiving night of this year. He was never anything but kind to me - even after knowing that I reconnected with my first love who was someone he knew since childhood and never really got along with. He was such a good man and we still talked and texted and sent presents on birthdays and christmas with the full knowledge of both my fiance and his girlfriend.

The 3 skids are completely PAS'd and have been told by the ex that I am the reason for the breakup of the marriage. She takes no responsibility for anything - her sins are essentially wiped clean since he found happiness with me. She is a saint and the children believe it completely. They even believe that their father has left them i poverty. Poverty???? I am an attorney who has moved from one state to another, taken a full bar and started a practice on my own making next to no money (as in taking zero salary most months after paying my assistant and all bills) but she get $72,000 a year tax free for nothing!!!! Yet they hate me.

Anyway, I am rambling. I am depressed like I have never been. FH is taking his anger and frustration out on me because BM will not sign divorce papers and his children refuse now to come over. He told them in the beginning that they did not have to meet me until they were "ready" which gave them enormous power and they used it to their advantage. I warned him but he would not listen.

I have given up everything for him. I left my friends, my practice, and a life of a clean house and plenty of money for things that I enjoy. But I have nothing to show for it. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself and maybe this is karma coming back on me in a big way. But I hate my life and I hate what I have become. I just feel lost. Thanks for listening.