I posted about this previously in my blog, but didn't receive any responses, so I'll try it in the forum.

I wonder if I'm unnecessarily worrying. My BF was married to his XW. He has one daughter with someone else, and she had two daughters with someone else. They have no children together. The XW was a terrible mother, and she bankrupted BF, ruined her youngest daughter's business, got her and her favorite oldest daughter their US citizenships using BF, cheated on BF, and then abandoned both BF and the youngest daughter. Because of this, BF and his family have continued to treat the step-D as family. She is 25 now, and joined BF's family when she was a teenager.

Anyways, we had a falling out on New Year's Day. She was mad that my BF was paying so much attention to me. When she had previously visited in the summer, I was working, so she had enough attention from him while I was working. However, during the holidays, I was out of work, so when my kids went to their father's house, I spent that time with BF. She was incredibly jealous, told me that I was a neglectful mother, and told BF not to make the same mistakes with me that he made with XW, because "you've only been with her 7 months". Basically calling me a user and a golddigger, like her mother. Which is funny, because now BF is out of work and I'm working and making more than him when he was working.

Anyways, she lives in South America, so I didn't think too much about it. I calmly confronted her on that day, told her that I hoped that she had a safe trip, but that I don't appreciate her crazy accusations. Then I packed up my kids and left. BF yelled at her, and told her that she was projecting her mother issues onto me (when her father was dying of AIDS in the hospital, her mother had her lovers coming into the house in front of her and her sister, and she accused me of doing the same thing on NYD; I didn't, my kids and I were watching TV with BF in his room). She tried to make lame excuses and play games with me on Facebook, which didn't garner her any sympathy from BF. Finally, she sent me an apology which I accepted, although she made a lot of lame excuses in it for her behavior. But I still accepted it, as I'm not the sort to rub anyone's face in their shame.

The problem now is that she has accepted a teaching position a few states over. She will be coming back up to live with BF and his family until August, then she will live in the other state. BF isn't sure if she will need a place to live during the summers, or if she keeps her housing there year-round.

I'm nervous. I love BF, and this is the best relationship I've ever had. And he did stand up for me. I just really dislike this girl, and I don't see why she leans so much on BF. He was paying her bills online for her, because even though she's a Cornell graduate she "couldn't figure it out". He also has to help her get her driver's license while she is living with him. She's 25; I was totally self-sufficient at 16 and at her age I was working full-time supporting 3 children!

So do you think that I'm worrying for nothing? How should I handle myself when she's around? I don't want her to get the message that I'll be pushed around; if BF wants me there, then I'm going to be there. I want to project the image that "I'm here to stay, whether you like it or not" and "I'm his GF, you are his step-D, so that is the hierarchy here." Any ideas on how to do that?