Annoyed and slightly amused all at the same time
On Black Friday, my DH texted his oldest son (Duke of Narcissism) and asked for christmas gift ideas for his two girls (ages 8 and 5). No response. Yesterday, DH texted his daughter in law (Duchess of Narcissism) and asked the same question. She texts him back today and says that an outing with each of the girls would be a nice gift. Take them to some local kids' attractions and spend the day with them. While this sounds like a 'nice' idea, it's also ridiculous and unfair. These kids don't know my DH (their bio grandfather) at all because the OSS has little-to-nothing to do with his Dad. It's like pulling teeth to get them to join family holidays with us (and my kids and YSS). My DH *might* get a text message from OSS on Father's Day and his birthday but OSS doesn't spend any time with his father. They've never asked us to babysit for them (we've offered). When my DH asked the Duke why we're never asked, the arrogant reply was "we got people BEGGING to babysit them!" Is my DH supposed to beg to spend time with the girls? I've not been active in trying to coordinate visits with them because I'm not seen as one of the grandmothers. That was made clear to me from the time each girl was born (I'm fine with that). Honestly, I feel coordination of visits is something OSS and DH should be responsible for.
On top of the fact that any outings with these two girls would be very awkward, my OSS is completely unaware of how bad my DH's arthritis is. He has severe arthritis in his back and his knees are problematic. There is NO WAY DH could spend a day out walking around anywhere with anybodys kids. He doesn't join me when I'm out with my bio grandkids because it's painful for him. OSS is out of touch when it comes to his own Dad and his health. Pathetic.
When DH got the text, he read it to me and we both laughed out loud! But then we both became annoyed. They treat BOTH DH and I as guests but then expect us to act like family when it suits them somehow. I suggested that DH ignore the text and just buy some gifts from Amazon for them and that's what he did. I've also suggested no gifts for them if they aren't appreciated but DH still feels that he should (they're never anything extravagant).
I find the suggestion of outings with the girls to be very odd at best. The OSS and his wife have never given my DH much thought/time....why would he/she be suggesting some sad bonding attempt now?
Thoughts?
Don't wallow in shit. Scrape it off of your shoes and get on
with YOUR life together.
Leave the Shit Skids to splash around in the cesspool of their own making.
Sad as that is, there isn't much you and DH can do.
Take care of yourselves.
Oh, we have
I went grey rock with these two jokers years ago. My DH is only recently seeing what/how they both are. Life is too short to be weighed down by anyone else's BS. Thanks for your reply.
an outing with each of the
And if they are anything like SD here, even if you planned exactly what was asked for, there would never be a time that the outing could occur. There would always be a conflict that prevented it.
True!
the whole thing seemed so weird and off to me! They can't be bothered with us and then make this sort of suggestion.
Buy them a gift card
$ 100 each. Don't play there games.
It does sound like your DH's
It does sound like your DH's health would be a factor in how much he was able to do with these kids.. even IF they put him on the "A list" of people they would spend time with.
Probably the least confrontational way to handle this now that you have a specific request to do an "activity".
Dear DONetta,
Thank you for that suggestion, but unfortunately, you may not be aware that "harold's" health would make an outing with two young and active children impossible for him to manage. He is unable to walk long distances and has limited mobility and energy. We would obviously welcome some short visits at our home so that he could get to know his granddaughters better, but we understand and appreciate that your schedules are quite busy and you haven't had many opportunities to do things like that. He would love to get them something that they might enjoy or value in the future, but if nothing comes to mind, we are happy to send a couple of gift cards to be used at a later date.
Perfect!
Pointed and a clear message for those smart enough and observant enough to recognize it, gives a clear alternative, and smacks DONetta with a call to action.
Always put a call to action on the toxic. They do X in order for Y to happen.
Lather.... rinse..... repeat.
They in all liklihood won't engage on their part. That leaves the outcome purely on them. When the whine and try to blame others, bare their asses.
Well, Thank God
I'm past giving a rats right nut what they say/think about me....grey rock is a wonderful place
I feel your pain
Just try to live your best life - the two of you! The Duke & Duchess won't change and their little ones will be as brainless as their parents. You have to ask how they enrich your lives - if they don't, you can move one and start living without regret and BS. That will affect your health too - be happy and POS kids who think we are just like kleenex, good to have when needed then tossed aside. Be happy, be at peace and stay positive - live your life on your terms!
You bet!
DH bought some very cute items for them off Amazon. Last year, as many years previous, they fit my DH into their Christmas schedule by coming to our house on Christmas morning before spending the day elsewhere. I get annoyed by having to fit them in that morning but have to remind myself it's once a year and this is about all the time DH gets to see the girls/his son.
*IF* I volunteered to be the main caregiving/activities director for the girls visiting us at our house, they'd come over more often. However, I've refused to be the social coordinator since OSS and his wife haven't included me in the picture AT ALL. My DH should have been the one to coordinate but he didn't and OSS feels everyone should come to him - he's not a believer in extending himself. So, it is what it is. I just thought it was so friggin' weird that she made this suggestion. Presents are bought and will be wrapped and our lives will move forward
and, yes! Duke and Duchess will never change and their oldest girl is already a little a**hole. Fresh, condescending comments are quite normal for her. She (at the age of 7) was called into the principals office for telling a little girl of color that she couldn't play with them. My OSS is a bigtime racist and I've heard him drop the N word many times. So, I can't imagine where ODGD heard any racist comments.
Thanks for your thoughts and Merry Christmas!
Generational Curses
Wow, they sound like soul-less A$$holes and are passing that down to their kiddos.
I dislike them immensely. Not missing out at all on that withered branch of the family tree.
Another poster marriage that
Another poster marriage that should require a license to breed to protect pleasant society and quality people from their offspring.