21 won’t work, claims depression
Hello all! Haven't posted in a while. A little background, very turbulent relationship w/a man who has 3 adult children. All of them major probs, mooching, etc.
Our relationship has been extremely turbulent. As far as his kids are concerned, I always kept a far distance. Never gave them my phone number, etc. Then after one too many times witnessing disrespect I told my boyfriend I will never hug, purchase a gift or consider his kids in any way shape or form my concern or responsibility.
Sorry for the ramble! So, the two daughters have managed to somewhat get it together and become a bit more independent. The son however (21) is a complete deadbeat. Violent wrap sheet, gets a job and quits within 2 days, raging anger issues. He views his father as his "best friend." The guy is creepy.
Anyway, he is living in an apartment that my boyfriend pays for. Now claims he is depressed. Boyfriend believes it, but says he won't get help.
I have broken up with this man so many times I can no longer count, because of this mess with his kids. I'm over it. Relationship sh*t aside, what do you DO with someone like this? My answer is, put him on the street. After giving him a timeline of when he needs to have a job and be able to provide for himself.
What kind of a 21 year old MAN lives like this? I told my boyfriend, "do you realize, he is just a man? He does not walk out into the world as *your troubled son from a broken home*" Everyone is a son or daughter, with a background. He's not special. Get over it!!!!!
It doesnt matter what you or I think
It doesnt matter what you or I think or would do. As long as your BF enables him, SS won't change. Thank goodness you're seeing the situation clearly and keeping yourself out of it all.
I realize you're just venting, thank goodness for Steptalk. We have a similar situation here. SD60 is on disability and we subsidize her living elsewhere. Yes, she's on disability for physical and mental issues, including depression like SS, but would be capable of some work, imo. Her idea of working is somewhere she wouldnt have to show up at a particular time, somewhere that would appreciate how special she is, pays very well and takes all her suggestions for improvement. She's a hairdresser but has no other skills and no ability to get along with people, aside from being a liar, druggie and a thief.
Are we enabling her, too? Yes but I won't have her here again. I couldn't think of any alternative to get her out of here 4 years ago and the waiting list for Section 8 places was long.
What JRI Said
Nothing will change until your SO stops enabling him. The one thing to be grateful for....he doesn't live with his dad. Ugh.
You've mentioned multiple breakups with this man. What keeps you coming back to this dysfunction?
Sounds like DH is enabling
Sounds like DH is enabling his son's lazy behavior. DH must be getting something out of it himself (taking care of his "baby boy" perhaps). Son won't support himself, DH won't stop supporting his son.
That leaves you two choices: learn to accept it or move on.
Have you considered individual counseling to figure out why you keep going back to a relationship with your BF?
I feel for you. I am in the
I feel for you. I am in the same situation: 21 yo stepson who has no interest in working, going to school or moving out. My husband says he is his son's "buddy" and they act like a married couple. Yes, very creepy. My husband sets no expectations for his son. At this point, it seems the two of them will be roomies forever - I say two of them because I am currently in the process of extracting myself from this dysfunctional situation.
I wish I could tell you something you could do about the boyfriend's son. But I agree with other posters. Either you learn to live with your boyfriend's babying his son or you move on. I know my husband will never change how he coddles his son and I question if your boyfriend will ever change.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. We are all here for you. I hope things change or workout - please keep us posted!
Quit breaking up with him repeatedly.
Just do it. He is paying for an apartment so he has a place to go.
He can go there now and he can stay there. Beyond that, don't give him or them another thought.
Stop the insanity.
He could
Be depressed or anxiety issues,Sounds like some sort of mental health issues,But you won't know he won't know unless he gets help, But if your partner is paying his rent for his apartment and SS is not looking after it properly or himself then you need to lay down some ground rules or tough love, The more his father treats him like a best friend rather than a Son the more it enables the SS behaviour,Pretty much went going through the same thing ,SS had his own apartment from 21-25 mummy paid his rent and bills,He used the place as a party house and was eventually evicted,Three years later at 28 he's still living with mummy doesn't work doesn't shower smokes pot and lays about,Anytime I bring it up with his mother I'm the bad guy,But I just tell the truth and say sorry but you enabled this behaviour..
I'd be depressed too if my
I'd be depressed too if my life had no purpose. He needs to get a job and keep it.
No written Dx from a Doc. No depression.
No Dx, he can leave.
He can leave anyway.
KISS