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DH stands up for me - WITH A VENGEANCE - and lets OSD have it!!!

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 6:53am

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

We had a very turbulent night last night, with emails between DH and his family members flying back and forth, and drama escalating with more and more players in it. After a total crisis of confidence, here is the most supportive thing my DH has ever done for me. Read it here:

http://www.steptalk.org/node/177694

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 7:55am

My theory is that step-kids act in a juvenile way when juveniles but can't move past it for fear of being judged wrong in their past actions. I'm glad he stood up for you - sounds like you got a keeper even if it took time to get there.

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 8:49am

Thank you, StepAside and OCC! It *is* juvenile and misery-producing and very negative.

I think the SKs are told by BM: go tell your dad that he needs to get rid of his wife, and until he does, you won't be around. He needs to protect you from her! He then makes the mistake of listening to them spout off, bc they are obviously upset with him, and crying, in case of SD - crocodile tears, believe me, and then DH objects to their hate messages, but the way to do it is to shut them down right off the bat, and demand respect - if none if forthcoming, hang up! Walk away! When trying to change their behavior, he needs to first change his. I think he is beginning to see it. I am exhausted though. It has been a very long road to where we are right now.

Anyhow, DH *is* a keeper!! So true. You are right, OCC!

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Mon, 02/03/2014 - 11:57am

Thank you, BA! She is 24, if you can believe it. Sorry i forgot to mention it.
I used to think that she is the most likely one to withstand PAS.
Now i stand corrected.

If you would like to comment, please do so on my blog.

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 5:30pm

W0W - that is FANTASTIC Pilgrim Soul!!!

I am so, so happy for you Smile Smile Smile Smile

Now if your DH could only influence a few of ours Biggrin

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 7:54pm

Thank you, guys! I really appreciate all the support on ST.

I emailed this letter to a very close GF who is not a SM. She was mildly amused... thought i should forget all about it asap. People who are not in this boat do not get it!!!

This was really big for me... for us... huge.

Small step for mankind... huge leap for DH.

I would love to host a party for all the SMs on here where we could play the game

PIN THE SPINE ON DH!!!!

LaborofLove's picture

Submitted by LaborofLove on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 11:48pm

Hi, I'm new to this site, I would love to read the letter but the link above didn't work, can you paste it in?

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Wed, 02/05/2014 - 5:22am

Hi Labor of Love, and welcome!

Please see my private message to you. Messages are listed in the upper left-hand corner of the screen, under your screen name, your account, etc.

Tell us your story. What brings you here? What labors ? Smile

LaborofLove's picture

Submitted by LaborofLove on Wed, 02/05/2014 - 1:23pm

I love your quote by the way! I am remarried, have adult stepchildren problems like everyone else here, bio kids and stepkid conflicts also. BM is psycho. My husband is just maybe peeking out of a cloud of denial after years of allowing his children to disrespect the both of us. I don't want to get too specific for anonymity reasons. After a huge long coming blowup with the step that lives with us, and I mean both of us, I did get an apology from her for her longtime disrespectful behavior and that she knows she needs to get over it and she can see I've had enough. She acknowledged how much I do for her (which was a surprise) and again apologized. There is one more who has been equally if not more disrespectfulful that My husband is afraid of. I said do you see the response when we finally said NO more. He wants to see how the first one acts become he tries it with the second one. But I'm glad your husband stood up for you great letter, I hope mine will fully get there.

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Wed, 02/05/2014 - 3:31pm

The sad thing in it all Pilgrim Soul is clearly the BM is PASing your SD against your DH and most definitely you

I wish the BM's who do this would realize the consequences of their actions.

This girl has no relationship with her father because of it Sad no relationship with you - someone who she probably would adore if she were ever to give you a chance (just like your DH said in his letter to her)

She sounds miserable and is missing out on these things in life

Don't understand how any parent could do this to their own children

And boy, if one day she grows up and realizes the truth - BM may not like the the change in situation one bit!

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Wed, 02/05/2014 - 3:58pm

Thank you, Dis, for your words of wisdom. You are sweet to commiserate.

I know - it is sad, life-changing and, long term, self-defeating. The BMs who do it are very screwed up. Like seriously, in a big, big way.

I know PAS happened to you, Dis, and it happened to me in a somewhat different way but it did - and we had to realize later mommy is not always the saint she wants the kiddos to think she is.

Today we are all exhausted from SD's drama. All three of us, DH, me and SIL.

Good thing we are snowed in today, and taking it easy.