I don't know what to do anymore.I don't know if I should report my SD to the authorities she is only six but has commited an act that I call murder.I love my fiance' but I swear he's in denial.........
I will keep this short cause I don't think I have the strength to type all week.... LOL.So I'm laughing sometimes since the death of my son(6/1/07)He was full term and I had him by emergency c-section.The cause of the baby's death was blunt force trauma.And when I told the doctors that my sd had kicked me earlier in the stomach at home,right after they couldn't find the heartbeat,my fiance' started to cry.He asked me why I didn't say something earlier on in the day.I went into labor because she kicked me so hard that she knocked me down(mind you I was 38 weeks pregnant).Her bm is very violent and has shown her that it is ok to hurt people.People say that it's not like she sat down and planned it a notebook, but she does know right from wrong and she told her father and I that she wanted the baby to die and for me to leave,with my 8 yr old son,so that she could be with her "daddy".We have had several people talk to her before the baby was even born and she was aware that if she kicked me she could hurt or kill me and/or the baby.She said she didn't care.She almost killed me and she did kill my son,and the hospital knows this and did nothing.Now I love my fiance' don't get me wrong but I do not love my sd for what she did.I have been in her life for over 3 yrs and have tried to break that wall down to no avail.She is dead set on getting what she wants and she might actually suceed.I can't live with her and right now she is staying with her grandparents and she is supposed to come back for the beginning of school and I am scared.I told my f that if she was coming back I was leaving.I could and would never make him choose.He says he loses either way.Help?????!!!!!!!!
You poor thing, I don't know what to really think or say. I think I would give hubby the ultimatum that sd gets into some intense counseling immediately or you are out of there. Dad has to face the fact that there is something wrong with the daughter, whether it stemmed from the mom's violence or not, it has to stop now. This is just so terribly sad....my heart goes out to you.
Corie
I am NOT one to give advice; feel free to look at my posts and opinions, btw....but NO. No no no no.
This cannot stand. Love him until the day you leave the planet, but do not spend another day with this child's tyranny. You fiance' sounds like he knows what's up now, too. This kid HAS to go. Not because she is evil or something, but because she isn't *functional* in society.
I am SO sorry for your loss, sweetie. Really. I mean...omg, I am SO VERY SORRY.
I know you can't make him choose....but hon, really, she will do worse to others if she could do this to you and your son.
I can't even fathom what you must be feeling. I know that you love your fiance a great deal and you feel torn, but this girl will probably not benefit from counseling. In this twisted world we live in, there are many bad seeds. She is one of them. Those are harsh words but true. If she is unable to show remorse for actions and lacks empathy still at this age, there is something terribly wrong with her, and no amount of love, patience or understanding will do a lick of good. Get out while you have a chance. There are too many wonderful men out there without baggage that long to start a family. Staying in your current situation will only be torture for you, having her in your face as a constant reminder- and you need/deserve so much more. Living in fear of a child is no way to live your life. My heart goes out to you as well and I hope that you are able to make your decision soon. Sometimes you just gotta save yourself. Let fiance and BM deal with what they created. You shouldn't have to suffer anymore. My suggestion is to forgive her and get out of that situation ASAP. I will be praying for you.
"All that we are is a result of what we have thought."- Buddha
I don't know what I would do in this case. I can't believe that the hospital didn't do anything. If they knew what caused the death of your son was blunt force trauma and you told them your SD kicked you, why didn't they report it to authorities????? I know she is only 6, but there has to be consequences for every action reguardless of age. She needs to be in counseling for sure!! I don't know if I could personally handle that situation if my SD did that. I wouldn't want to see her ever again. Has your hubby said anything to her about it? I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong tcgmd1 we are all here for you.
And it's a double loss, isn't it, because things will never be right again between you and your fiance, because his daughter will always be the reason your baby died. If you can get out now, maybe that would be for the best. If you can't, for financial or other reasons, then at the very least get yourself in touch with a victims' advocate, therapist or someone like that who can walk you through the grief process and advise you as to what you can do in regards to this girl. This cannot be allowed to go unpunished. My son was five when I was pregnant with his little half-sister and he was very protective of my belly, to the point of being careful when climbing up on my lap. She's older. She knew what she was doing. She did it for a reason. She cannot stay in the same house with you. It's not good for you, your other child or any future children you may want to have. Get in touch with your local victims' advocate and see if they can help point you in the right direction. And please stay with us and let us know what happens and how you're doing. This is such a unique situation you are in. We're here for you!
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
I am in love with her dad unfortunatley and he has been a father figure in my son's life for over 3 yrs(his dad took off when he was 2).I am so depressed (and I'm on anti depressants!),I can't stand the thought of losing him after my son.Not just that but I have put alot of money into HIS house(I know I know),and now I'm broke.I have a truck and no business because he owns the equipment and now neither of us will have a job.Not just that but I have no place to go,and my son wants so badly to go back to his school he was at for 2 years.All of his friends are there and it would break my heart if he hated me for pulling him out.He's the only man in my life that hasn't left me.He is my best friend and I don't want to hurt him anymore than he alredy has been in his life.My sd doesn't know she was the cause,at least I did not tell her!She asked herdad if she was the reason the baby wasn't here and he said I don't know.
I am so sorry i can't even begin to think about what you are going through right now! How does your fiance plan to deal with the SD? Have you two been able to talk about it? This SD really needs some help if she is capable of this I really am worried for your other children and how are you supposed to make this family work if you decide to have more children, is SD going to be sent away for term of pregnancy? I wish there was something more I could do for you but I will be praying for you.
Best Wishes.
All through my pregnancy with my only bio child, I lived in fear of what the oldest SS would do. Once my son was born (he's only a year now) SS did one mean thing to him (along with a few other incidents w/ animals, property, ect..) and off to a youth center he went. The last episode was last month, I posted about it, and my SS had my baby up by the ankles, pinning his head and neck on the floor and refused to let go. Now he resides in a mental facility.
Losing my baby would have been my worst fear and if he had actually killed MY BABY, that would have been the deal breaker, no matter how much I love my DH. I could never live with man of such a monster.
Hon, if you ever hope to have another child, GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP or make sure the child does not EVER, EVER, EVER did I mention EVER come around you again. I know that sounds really rash and over the top, but what other choice can you foresee?
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
I read this post and wanted to cry. I am so sorry for you loss. I agree with the ladies. I think counseling may help all of you. If that happened to me I would never be able to forgive the SD. That child needs help. I can't believe nothing was done to her. Was she at least talked to? I mean if I were her BM I would be mortified my child would be so cruel. If she would do this to you and a half sibling what is to keep her from hurting others?
If she killed your unborn son, aren't you afraid for you and your living sons lives. I know she is only 8. Its almost like she is Satan.. You are in a hard spot, if you leave you are loosing the man you love, if you stay you are going to be living with Satan again. I am sorry to say that, but I cannot believe that a child of 8 could do such a horrible thing and know what she did and think its alright. I think she needs some serious help, whether she go to a mental hospital and they test her evaluate her whatever, she has a huge problem. And on the note of she did not plan the killing of your son in a notebook, maybe not, but she told people she wanted the baby to die? Isn't that premeditation? I am so sorry, you must be a very strong person to be where you are today. I will pray for you and your situation and hopefully you and BF can work something out to get her the major help she needs. She is mentally unstable. And noone should live in fear from a child in there own home.
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
I don't understand how you can even look at this child in the face, I don't know what to say except I am so sorry this has happened to you. I am glad you found this site and are able to share your situation with us, God bless you honey.
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
Her bm is pregnant again and this will be father three.She has not been in sd's life for over 2 yrs on account that she threatened to kill me and break all of my windows in my house if we did not let her see her bd.She also lost custody of her 14 yr old to her ex's mother.The state pays her $50.00 a week.We are still waiting on $14,000.00!He can't even recieve C.S. now cause she's pregnant and on welfare.I would never wish death upon a baby but she has no right to reproduce.It's just so ironic that she's pregnant and her bd killed my son.
My heart goes out to you honey. I understand being depressed and feeling trapped by this situation. When you begin to feel better and pull yourself out of this depression you should seriously think about leaving this man. I think this child is a deal breaker and you have to protect yourself and your son. What did your DH do when he found out that she kicked you? This child is going to grow up and become a teen before you can turn around twice and you and your say may be in even worse situation then. Think about it at least.
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
I have no idea what to say. Can't imagine the heartbreak you are going through. Statistics say that a good majority of married couples that lose a child end in divorce, then you add the fact that your SD is the one that caused it... It is hard to see the light. You are in my prayers. Are you seeing anyone to talk about this? A therapist or something. You need to take care of YOU mentally, emotionally and physically. I hope someone can give you some awesome words of wisdom here, wish I could be that one. But I have no idea what to say other than I will be praying for you.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
I so agree with Daddygurl, don't worry about SD and her mental disorder, worry about YOU!! You are the one that needs to seek help. You need to take time for you, to heal, cry, reflect and get advice about where to head with SD and what she has done and your relationship with BF. Your BF should not bring the SD back into your home, if he wants to see her, he should go there and see her. You are traumatised, with every good reason and it would be so unfair of anyone to expect you to be around her!!
I am sorry my opinion is so strong but I have always known I could never handle losing a child, I am very weak when it comes to my kids. So big hugs for you just for having the strength to type this letter to us. My sadness for what you are going through is overwhelming and I really want to you go and seek help for you..bugger everyone else right now. Let Bf look after his daughter.
this child DOES need to see a psychiatrist, not just any therapist, who might be able to get a better insight into her disposition, or even find a neurological problem that can be addressed with medication. The child is only reacting in the only means she knows how, and she had to learn it from somewhere. It is possible that the child has some underlining illness, such and I'm just throwing these out there, Autism, ADHD, Aspergers, etc. don't believe it's fair to the child, since she has anger and resentment issues herself. It sounds like she has abandonment issues too. The child should not be brushed under the rug...
As for you, you also need to seek some therapy to help you in the grieving process, particularly so that resentment doesn't bind you against this child.
StepMom
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
I certainly didn't mean to insinuate that I was saying 'bugger the little girl, let her find her own way' I certainly think that children learn these behaviours from an adult, they don't just conjure them up alone. But seriously, in this situation you don't need to be the one to deal with the SD, her dad does, it is HIS daughter and I think he needs to get her help right away.
But I WAS saying that I think you need to work on your grief before you could possibly worry about helping SD. Just wanted to clarify.
I am so sorry for your loss and how it came about. It is unthinkable. Your SD has the most serious dysfunctions, why hasn't anyone done anything before it came to this? Her father needs to take control immediately and get this girl some help, or god knows how she will grow up.
But back to you, I agree with Evilsm, if this girl stays around, she is a deal breaker in your relationship.
You deserve to be loved and respected, remember that.
I don't know what to say to you but I am so very sorry. Your SD needs serious help and like the others are saying it is up to her dad, not you. I don't see how you can let her back into your home. In this situation he may have to choose but I personally couldn't allow her back into my home. Why would you have to leave the home and not your fiance' and sd?
Well what did she do?
That would help to know whether you should go to someone or not?
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
WHAT?????
Explain please....
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
Yes..we need more info!
Yes..we need more info!
Here goes
I will keep this short cause I don't think I have the strength to type all week.... LOL.So I'm laughing sometimes since the death of my son(6/1/07)He was full term and I had him by emergency c-section.The cause of the baby's death was blunt force trauma.And when I told the doctors that my sd had kicked me earlier in the stomach at home,right after they couldn't find the heartbeat,my fiance' started to cry.He asked me why I didn't say something earlier on in the day.I went into labor because she kicked me so hard that she knocked me down(mind you I was 38 weeks pregnant).Her bm is very violent and has shown her that it is ok to hurt people.People say that it's not like she sat down and planned it a notebook, but she does know right from wrong and she told her father and I that she wanted the baby to die and for me to leave,with my 8 yr old son,so that she could be with her "daddy".We have had several people talk to her before the baby was even born and she was aware that if she kicked me she could hurt or kill me and/or the baby.She said she didn't care.She almost killed me and she did kill my son,and the hospital knows this and did nothing.Now I love my fiance' don't get me wrong but I do not love my sd for what she did.I have been in her life for over 3 yrs and have tried to break that wall down to no avail.She is dead set on getting what she wants and she might actually suceed.I can't live with her and right now she is staying with her grandparents and she is supposed to come back for the beginning of school and I am scared.I told my f that if she was coming back I was leaving.I could and would never make him choose.He says he loses either way.Help?????!!!!!!!!
OMG
You poor thing, I don't know what to really think or say. I think I would give hubby the ultimatum that sd gets into some intense counseling immediately or you are out of there. Dad has to face the fact that there is something wrong with the daughter, whether it stemmed from the mom's violence or not, it has to stop now. This is just so terribly sad....my heart goes out to you.
Corie
O...M....G......
Oh...oh no.
I am NOT one to give advice; feel free to look at my posts and opinions, btw....but NO. No no no no.
This cannot stand. Love him until the day you leave the planet, but do not spend another day with this child's tyranny. You fiance' sounds like he knows what's up now, too. This kid HAS to go. Not because she is evil or something, but because she isn't *functional* in society.
I am SO sorry for your loss, sweetie. Really. I mean...omg, I am SO VERY SORRY.
I know you can't make him choose....but hon, really, she will do worse to others if she could do this to you and your son.
Again, I am *so* sorry. *giant hugs*
I am so sorry for what you have gone through...
I can't even fathom what you must be feeling. I know that you love your fiance a great deal and you feel torn, but this girl will probably not benefit from counseling. In this twisted world we live in, there are many bad seeds. She is one of them. Those are harsh words but true. If she is unable to show remorse for actions and lacks empathy still at this age, there is something terribly wrong with her, and no amount of love, patience or understanding will do a lick of good. Get out while you have a chance. There are too many wonderful men out there without baggage that long to start a family. Staying in your current situation will only be torture for you, having her in your face as a constant reminder- and you need/deserve so much more. Living in fear of a child is no way to live your life. My heart goes out to you as well and I hope that you are able to make your decision soon. Sometimes you just gotta save yourself. Let fiance and BM deal with what they created. You shouldn't have to suffer anymore. My suggestion is to forgive her and get out of that situation ASAP. I will be praying for you.
"All that we are is a result of what we have thought."- Buddha
I'm so sorry!!!
I don't know what I would do in this case. I can't believe that the hospital didn't do anything. If they knew what caused the death of your son was blunt force trauma and you told them your SD kicked you, why didn't they report it to authorities????? I know she is only 6, but there has to be consequences for every action reguardless of age. She needs to be in counseling for sure!! I don't know if I could personally handle that situation if my SD did that. I wouldn't want to see her ever again. Has your hubby said anything to her about it? I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong tcgmd1 we are all here for you.
I am so sorry for your loss.
And it's a double loss, isn't it, because things will never be right again between you and your fiance, because his daughter will always be the reason your baby died. If you can get out now, maybe that would be for the best. If you can't, for financial or other reasons, then at the very least get yourself in touch with a victims' advocate, therapist or someone like that who can walk you through the grief process and advise you as to what you can do in regards to this girl. This cannot be allowed to go unpunished. My son was five when I was pregnant with his little half-sister and he was very protective of my belly, to the point of being careful when climbing up on my lap. She's older. She knew what she was doing. She did it for a reason. She cannot stay in the same house with you. It's not good for you, your other child or any future children you may want to have. Get in touch with your local victims' advocate and see if they can help point you in the right direction. And please stay with us and let us know what happens and how you're doing. This is such a unique situation you are in. We're here for you!
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Thank you
I am in love with her dad unfortunatley and he has been a father figure in my son's life for over 3 yrs(his dad took off when he was 2).I am so depressed (and I'm on anti depressants!),I can't stand the thought of losing him after my son.Not just that but I have put alot of money into HIS house(I know I know),and now I'm broke.I have a truck and no business because he owns the equipment and now neither of us will have a job.Not just that but I have no place to go,and my son wants so badly to go back to his school he was at for 2 years.All of his friends are there and it would break my heart if he hated me for pulling him out.He's the only man in my life that hasn't left me.He is my best friend and I don't want to hurt him anymore than he alredy has been in his life.My sd doesn't know she was the cause,at least I did not tell her!She asked herdad if she was the reason the baby wasn't here and he said I don't know.
I am so sorry i can't even
I am so sorry i can't even begin to think about what you are going through right now! How does your fiance plan to deal with the SD? Have you two been able to talk about it? This SD really needs some help if she is capable of this I really am worried for your other children and how are you supposed to make this family work if you decide to have more children, is SD going to be sent away for term of pregnancy? I wish there was something more I could do for you but I will be praying for you.
Best Wishes.
I can relate..to a degree
All through my pregnancy with my only bio child, I lived in fear of what the oldest SS would do. Once my son was born (he's only a year now) SS did one mean thing to him (along with a few other incidents w/ animals, property, ect..) and off to a youth center he went. The last episode was last month, I posted about it, and my SS had my baby up by the ankles, pinning his head and neck on the floor and refused to let go. Now he resides in a mental facility.
Losing my baby would have been my worst fear and if he had actually killed MY BABY, that would have been the deal breaker, no matter how much I love my DH. I could never live with man of such a monster.
Hon, if you ever hope to have another child, GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP or make sure the child does not EVER, EVER, EVER did I mention EVER come around you again. I know that sounds really rash and over the top, but what other choice can you foresee?
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
OMG
I read this post and wanted to cry. I am so sorry for you loss. I agree with the ladies. I think counseling may help all of you. If that happened to me I would never be able to forgive the SD. That child needs help. I can't believe nothing was done to her. Was she at least talked to? I mean if I were her BM I would be mortified my child would be so cruel. If she would do this to you and a half sibling what is to keep her from hurting others?
She needs serious help.
If she killed your unborn son, aren't you afraid for you and your living sons lives. I know she is only 8. Its almost like she is Satan.. You are in a hard spot, if you leave you are loosing the man you love, if you stay you are going to be living with Satan again. I am sorry to say that, but I cannot believe that a child of 8 could do such a horrible thing and know what she did and think its alright. I think she needs some serious help, whether she go to a mental hospital and they test her evaluate her whatever, she has a huge problem. And on the note of she did not plan the killing of your son in a notebook, maybe not, but she told people she wanted the baby to die? Isn't that premeditation? I am so sorry, you must be a very strong person to be where you are today. I will pray for you and your situation and hopefully you and BF can work something out to get her the major help she needs. She is mentally unstable. And noone should live in fear from a child in there own home.
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
This is just awlful
I don't understand how you can even look at this child in the face, I don't know what to say except I am so sorry this has happened to you. I am glad you found this site and are able to share your situation with us, God bless you honey.
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
The ironic thing is.....
Her bm is pregnant again and this will be father three.She has not been in sd's life for over 2 yrs on account that she threatened to kill me and break all of my windows in my house if we did not let her see her bd.She also lost custody of her 14 yr old to her ex's mother.The state pays her $50.00 a week.We are still waiting on $14,000.00!He can't even recieve C.S. now cause she's pregnant and on welfare.I would never wish death upon a baby but she has no right to reproduce.It's just so ironic that she's pregnant and her bd killed my son.
The irony of that just
The irony of that just sucks. I'm so, so sorry for the pain you must be feeling. Take care of yourself first and foremost.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
I just want to give you a hug
My heart goes out to you honey. I understand being depressed and feeling trapped by this situation. When you begin to feel better and pull yourself out of this depression you should seriously think about leaving this man. I think this child is a deal breaker and you have to protect yourself and your son. What did your DH do when he found out that she kicked you? This child is going to grow up and become a teen before you can turn around twice and you and your say may be in even worse situation then. Think about it at least.
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
Oh My Goodness
I have no idea what to say. Can't imagine the heartbreak you are going through. Statistics say that a good majority of married couples that lose a child end in divorce, then you add the fact that your SD is the one that caused it... It is hard to see the light. You are in my prayers. Are you seeing anyone to talk about this? A therapist or something. You need to take care of YOU mentally, emotionally and physically. I hope someone can give you some awesome words of wisdom here, wish I could be that one. But I have no idea what to say other than I will be praying for you.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
You, you, you!!
I so agree with Daddygurl, don't worry about SD and her mental disorder, worry about YOU!! You are the one that needs to seek help. You need to take time for you, to heal, cry, reflect and get advice about where to head with SD and what she has done and your relationship with BF. Your BF should not bring the SD back into your home, if he wants to see her, he should go there and see her. You are traumatised, with every good reason and it would be so unfair of anyone to expect you to be around her!!
I am sorry my opinion is so strong but I have always known I could never handle losing a child, I am very weak when it comes to my kids. So big hugs for you just for having the strength to type this letter to us. My sadness for what you are going through is overwhelming and I really want to you go and seek help for you..bugger everyone else right now. Let Bf look after his daughter.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
Well...
this child DOES need to see a psychiatrist, not just any therapist, who might be able to get a better insight into her disposition, or even find a neurological problem that can be addressed with medication. The child is only reacting in the only means she knows how, and she had to learn it from somewhere. It is possible that the child has some underlining illness, such and I'm just throwing these out there, Autism, ADHD, Aspergers, etc. don't believe it's fair to the child, since she has anger and resentment issues herself. It sounds like she has abandonment issues too. The child should not be brushed under the rug...
As for you, you also need to seek some therapy to help you in the grieving process, particularly so that resentment doesn't bind you against this child.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Ooops
I certainly didn't mean to insinuate that I was saying 'bugger the little girl, let her find her own way' I certainly think that children learn these behaviours from an adult, they don't just conjure them up alone. But seriously, in this situation you don't need to be the one to deal with the SD, her dad does, it is HIS daughter and I think he needs to get her help right away.
But I WAS saying that I think you need to work on your grief before you could possibly worry about helping SD. Just wanted to clarify.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
How can you ever live with this child after such a thing....
I am so sorry for your loss and how it came about. It is unthinkable. Your SD has the most serious dysfunctions, why hasn't anyone done anything before it came to this? Her father needs to take control immediately and get this girl some help, or god knows how she will grow up.
But back to you, I agree with Evilsm, if this girl stays around, she is a deal breaker in your relationship.
You deserve to be loved and respected, remember that.
I'm so sorry
I don't know what to say to you but I am so very sorry. Your SD needs serious help and like the others are saying it is up to her dad, not you. I don't see how you can let her back into your home. In this situation he may have to choose but I personally couldn't allow her back into my home. Why would you have to leave the home and not your fiance' and sd?
My thoughts and prayers are with you.