You are here

Has anyone had a bm sign over custody?

wildlife's picture

Submitted by wildlife on Thu, 10/25/2007 - 3:19pm

Forums: 
Stepparent Rights

I'm new here but not new to steplife. I am the step-mother to a 15 year old girl and the bm to 23 and 15 year old girls. We are non-custodial but have lived nearby for over 10 years and have had lots of visitation with my SD. I am custodial of my 15 year old.

BM has recently decided to pursue a romantic relationship in another state and wants to sign over custody to DH. Has anyone ever had this happen to them? What are the legal ramifications? I already know that the emotional issues are going to be tough but what about legally?

BM wants to leave on December 14th but so far she has done nothing to settle her affairs. She has not been to see a lawyer as far as I know and seems to think she will be able to just leave SD with us with no legal proceedings. DH has a court order to pay her CS. At the very least we will have to have that changed.

Any advice or knowledge on this would be greatly appreciated.

Step Mom-in-law's picture

Submitted by Step Mom-in-law on Thu, 10/25/2007 - 8:41pm

when he turned 11 and was hitting puberty. Poor kid. He never forgave her for it either. He didn't lay eyes on her for 6 months at one point!! She just didn't show. I wanted to (physically assault) her in the worst way.
She was going to divorce H #2, Move to Kentucky, and didn't want to deal with my SS's "issues". I don't know if she thought it through though. We filed for child support and got it from her. WE paid all those years, it's not cheap raising kids, Right? She took us to court probably 4 times in 2-3 years over child support when SS was small.

At any rate, I would definitely get the legal end straightened out ASAP, Before she takes off! or have fun getting her to sign papers etc. It would be too bad if everything isn't in writing and BM has a change of "heart?" months from now, SD gets ripped from your home and ends up living with BM and strange guy in another state. Or if things don't work out for her and new BF she may want to return and just pick up where she left off. I'd call a lawyer quick. For your SD's sake.

klinder180's picture

Submitted by klinder180 on Fri, 10/26/2007 - 1:06pm

Go to an attorney right away. Get it in writing and enter it with the court.

Imustbcrazy's picture

Submitted by Imustbcrazy on Fri, 10/26/2007 - 1:11pm

Sounds awful but some days I just wish she would GO AWAY... FAR FAR AWAY!

Daddys Gurl

It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Fri, 10/26/2007 - 1:47pm

Our BM moved an hour away in the middle of the school year when SD was 11 (now 14.5). We have custody, and BM is supposed to have her most weekends. But if it is easier for BM to leave SD here than meet halfway, that's what she does. SD now idolizes BM because she hardly sees her. BM was/is a saint because she never has to discipline or make the tough decisions. Now SD says BM is her best friend and so awesome and ... Makes me sick to hear it because I know what the woman is really like. SD is overcompensating for being abandoned. (The move made no sense, it wasn't for BM's job or her husband's job, in fact he still works in the city where we live.) She keeps herself the saint by telling SD she only moved because my husband (BD) said BM could take SD with her. That never happened. Before the move they had 50/50 custody (since SD was 2). BM still hasn't signed anything regarding custody, even after mediation, so we can't get child support.

wildlife's picture

Submitted by wildlife on Mon, 10/29/2007 - 9:51am

Thanks so much for you replies. DH sees a lawyer this afternoon. I'll post back here to let you know what she tells him.

As far as the positive aspects of her being far away go, well, I'll still beleive it when I see it and I've got a feeling this woman can cause me problems no matter where she is.

To the tell the truth, I really don't care about her anymore. She's aging and any charm she used to possess is fading fast. What's left is a bitter, desperately unhappy woman who tries to cause unhappiness where ever she goes. All I care about is SD. The poor girl shouldnt' have to live through her rotten, no good mother leaving her at 15 years old.

Lucky for me my SD is not messed up. She seems to be holding it together in spite of her mother. She's not doing drugs or running away from home. She acts out in the normal ways you would expect from a girl her age but nothing over the top. TG.

aliciaa32's picture

Submitted by aliciaa32 on Mon, 10/29/2007 - 10:08am

I am a psychotherapist and work as a social worker for Family Courts in Texas. I deal with this everyday. The lawyer will answer all the legal questions as for transfer of custody, but your sd really needs to have a place to be able to vent and process the abandonement that she may feel because of bio mom's choices. Some parent's really suck when it comes to their kids. Never ceases to amaze me. Good luck!

wildlife's picture

Submitted by wildlife on Tue, 10/30/2007 - 2:04pm

I am going to have her see someone as soon as possible, Aliciaa32. In the mean time, do you have any suggestions for how to handle her now? I keep telling DH that I think we should just be positive around her and not let her be a victim. Sure she has a right to be angry with her mother but what good is that going to do? She'll waste the next 5 to 6 years of her life being angry with Mom and in the end she'll forgive her anyway. She's her mother, we only get one mother. I just want her to understand that she can have some choices here. She can choose to move past this and not let it rock her world too much, or she can play into the drama and prolong her agony, IMO.

The trip to the lawyer was gave us a lot of expensive wisdom. Lawyer advised us to get her enrolled in our school asap, even before the legal papers are finished. So we will work on that next week.

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Mon, 11/12/2007 - 10:25pm

...by letting her vent. Just like we do here, kids who are hurting/struggling/transitioning sometimes just need to dump it somewhere. You don't have to have all the answers for her. You probably WON'T have all the answers. But probably the biggest thing she'll need is just good, old-fashioned support. Listen and be available. The rest will come to you as you go.

~ Anne ~

http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!

laughsalot6's picture

Submitted by laughsalot6 on Mon, 11/12/2007 - 9:49pm

I feel so sad for your stepchild... But, this is the time that you will build up gold in heaven for being there for them when they are not!!! shame on her!!! bad mom!!!