I just had to write about what has happened since my last post! The last time I wrote that I had set my boundaries regarding my DBF's two daughter's behavior and that I would no longer "allow" them to be physically around me and my son. I really expected my DBF to tell me our relationship was over and move out...but low and behold...SURPRISE! He told me he would "do whatever it took to keep me and my son in his life". He is even showing more respect and graditude for us. WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS SOONER???! Why don't we set the ground rules immediately when SK's treat us disrepectfully? I know the answer...we have been waiting (pleading) for our BF's or the SK's BD's to do it. We beg...we cuss...we plead...and they can't or won't see the problem. You know, I just got tired of trying to convince my DBF of his kid's behavior and took matters into my own hands. Life has been completely different for the last 3 weeks since setting these boundaries and my relationship with my DBF is slowly healing. He is learning to divide his time with each of us...and I don't feel neglected. It is "HIS" problem "NOT MINE". He has been spending fun quality time with me and my son and spending (away from us) quality time with his two daughter's. When he is off with his teenage daughter's I take the opportunity for just my son and I to be together one on one. I know many of you live full-time with your SK's and this is not always possible but I was thinking there must be a way for you to be able to set boundaries as well. Soooo after many hours of thinking I thought...why not hand over the responsiblity to the man in your life regarding his kids. If they don't treat you respectfully then you should stop doing the extra's for them...let your guy do it! Example: If they don't clean their rooms...don't say a word...turn the other cheek...if they want to live like pigs and our DBF's or DD's don't care...why should we...if we continue to allow these kids to treat us the way that they do, what are we teaching them?? That they can do what ever they want and still have us in their lives??! There is a song that I've been listening to lately and it sums it up for me...it is called "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas. Please listen to it...We are looking for the men in our lives to nurture us...We need to start nurturing ourselves first. Gosh! My counselor was soooo right when she said we show others how to treat us. If we allow them to walk all over us they will. If we allow them to disrepect us they will. I'm learning that I don't have to yell, scream totally lose it to have some control over my life! I've been out of control of the situation for the last 7 years and didn't realize the answer was soooo simple. Set your boundaries and "IF" they want to be a part of "OUR" lives then they must earn it just like respect. Life is just tooo short to expend anymore energy fighting with trying to convince them that how they are treating us is wrong and unfair. Let's surround ourselves with postive, loving, caring , compassionate people and let the ones who are negative, vindictive, evil, hateful, users be by themselves. It will force, the BD's to step up to the plate and deal with the kid's "ALL ALONE". Like many of you I have tried and tried to get the kid's to like me or accept me only to have them hate me more. The sad truth is...they hate my guts just for being with their Dad. I can't change what they are unwilling to change regarding how they feel about me. Soooo...I'm happy not to be around them anymore and God knows they are happy not having to be around me. At first, I felt "they win"...but in reality..."I WON"!! My life is better, peaceful and I'm finally sleeping again...all because I decided to set major boundaries!
DA