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Why am I letting it bother me.

Haribo's picture

Hi guys I havent bothered posting for a while but constantly have a look to see what you are all up to.

I am writing because I just need a good talking to lol. I am aware I am being stupid and maybe all the pressures of 2 jobs a baby 2 step children and I have given up smoking is to much lol, O and my partner was made redundant (he has now got work but less hours and money).

We have had awful problems with the ex through the years resulting in court and and order being placed which his ex now obeys but tries to get to us in other ways instead. I have wrote a post about this before but basically when his ex had her new baby with her new bloke she insisted on the kids calling him daddy. First they called him daddy then his name ie daddy paul. But now She calls him daddy and refers to my partner as daddy and uses his name instead. she basically uses every way in the book to persuad the girls that they are a family unit like ALL proper familys which as u can imagin has made my partner like the step father and there step father like the daddy.

When the girls are with us hereing them say mummy and daddy this and mummy and daddy that really hurts him. We do try and explain sometimes
but we end up feeling like the bad guys. His parents etc are all called nanny and grandad and if you ask them they say they have 3 nannys and 3 grandads but my parents arnt included as she only includes her family and his.

I am getting so worked up about it sometimes I feel like we are just the baby sitters. Why do I feel so bad and so angry.

Ant advice would be appreciated.

.

ddakan's picture

Ok, so she is trying to get to you.....and you need to remain calm. Focus on what you need to think about.

BM is brainwashing your children. We all have that in some fashion. Our BM told my skids I was a devil worshipper and it scared the hell out of them.

When the kids talk to you about mommy and daddy, you can say....daddy or daddy paul? then they will acknowledge,...oh daddy paul....you keep up with DH as the daddy in your house and make the kids say daddy paul.

BM is doing this to hurt your DH because that is the way evil skanky BMs work. They think they own the world and that everyone should take a back seat to their whims.

This battle with BM is a long marathon. Save your hatred and frustration on her and funnel your energy into something positive. Sometimes it takes a lot to get that crap out of your mind, but that is exactly opposite of what BM wants. So do what BM hates, and blow her off Smile Then giggle a little.

You and DH are worthy adversaries for BM. Don't let her beat you so easily:)

Haribo's picture

Thankyou for replying. It all just gets me so wound up. They play the lovely family unit everyone looks at them and says o look they are a lovely family they love there stepdad and call him daddy etc etc etc and thats all they see. My partner is left looking like the ex father left out in the cold.

It makes me so angry they love there step dad and thats good don't get me wrong but its the pushing us out that bugs me.

We really do go out and do more pay more etc etc for them but that is never reacongnised. I wouldnt feel so bad if I had confidance that the kids understand who who but I'm not sure they do. I think because they love there mum and stepdad (although they are not married) and see them more they do believe them.

It just makes me so mad she really did put us through hell and I always thought don't worry what goes around comes around, Dont slag of mum etc etc but I feel by being the good guys etc just hasnt paid of and I'm worried it never will and they will grow up haveing a closer bond to them and not us.

When I read your story I feel just awful how do you cope. Mind you all this will stand up and bite her on the bum as your SK's seem to understand exactly what mom is doing. I really hope it all works out you really do sound a very strong and lovely person xxxx

Haribo's picture

Thankyou for replying. It all just gets me so wound up. They play the lovely family unit everyone looks at them and says o look they are a lovely family they love there stepdad and call him daddy etc etc etc and thats all they see. My partner is left looking like the ex father left out in the cold.

It makes me so angry they love there step dad and thats good don't get me wrong but its the pushing us out that bugs me.

We really do go out and do more pay more etc etc for them but that is never reacongnised. I wouldnt feel so bad if I had confidance that the kids understand who was who but I'm not sure they do. I think because they love there mum and stepdad (although they are not married) and see them more they do believe them.

It just makes me so mad she really did put us through hell and I always thought don't worry what goes around comes around, Dont slag of mum etc etc but I feel by being the good guys etc just hasnt paid of and I'm worried it never will and they will grow up haveing a closer bond to them and not us.

When I read your story I feel just awful how do you cope. Mind you all this will stand up and bite her on the bum as your SK's seem to understand exactly what mom is doing. I really hope it all works out you really do sound a very strong and lovely person xxxx

Haribo's picture

Thankyou ddakan I have only just got your message so read it after the one I posted above I think my comps acting up as It posted it twice lol.

Thankyou for your comment it is really helpful and actually I will start doing that I know thats what there mother does if they talk about there real daddy at her house she makes then do the same so we will to.

I know I shouldnt get so worked up about it, it does help coming on here though.

xxxx

Haribo's picture

I know reliegh blue its so hard.

They split up not long ago for a week by what we heard things arnt always that great. If you were a on looker and saw some of things she rights on facebook (I've been told I dont look on her page) you would think it has always been great but apparently it hasnt. They have got back togather but the question is if they have had problems for so long and have already split up once is it going to last.

I know I'm silly I just don't want me and my partner to be the outsiders.