Travel with just bio kids?
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Hi all,
SM to two awesome boys. Unfortunately bm is crazy and makes travel a nightmare, thinking that if we can afford to travel that we can afford to give her more money and refusing to grant permission. I have to work to keep up payments to her so I want to spend what money I have on taking my own two bio kids to Disneyland. We have taken the two step sons before this. What do you think of travelling with just the two bio kids? Just wondering what some other step parents think of this.
Thanks!
If it is on dad's time who
If it is on dad's time who gives a shit what BM says or thinks about it? Why tell her? I wouldn't. If it is not international travel there is no reason for BM to know. Go and have fun.
Should you and DH choose to let BM control this then I completely agree with Sally's advice above. Let the skids know that BM is the one who said no, then go and enjoy the trip with your BKs.
Facts... use them to your advantage including keeping the Skid's informed of their BM's manipulative crap in an age appropriate manner.
Have fun!!!
I would think it has to do
I would think it has to do with traveling out of country. Disneyland isn't in Canada.
Been there and done it.
Been there and done it. Nothing wrong with it... in fact it's good to focus on your kids once in a while. I'm actually trying to spend more quality time with my own kids because my SS10, although a nice kid, has such terrible ADHD it makes it difficult to even notice my own kids when he's around, and that's not fair to my kids.
So I'm doing more and more with my own kids lately. DH and I "divide and conquer" on the weekends, so that I can save my sanity and so that my kids can have their mom once in a while.
It works wonders.
Do it.
Whether you decide to take
Whether you decide to take your bios without even trying to take the skids is your choice.
If you can afford and choose to take your skid, then you can ask the BM for her permission for out of country travel. If she says no, well then no amount of fighting will change her mind. That is on her, you should not feel any guilt about that.
If you choose no to take your skids, then don't. You shouldn't feel guilty about it. The reality is that if you are not rolling in money and joint money is going to child support, then money is an issue. Why should your bios be denied a vacation?
Thanks for the opinions! It
Thanks for the opinions! It is nice to know there are some people out there on the step parent side for once. A little more backstory is the bio mom is unstable and can't take the kids on vacation, so I think jealousy plays a big part for her. Asking for more money all the time is because we have an out of court agreement this far that we reached through mediation years ago.
For those of you who have done it how did you minimize the hurt feelings/jealousy of the skids? I don't want my little ones to not be able to talk about their trip but also don't want skids to feel left out or jealous/resentful toward their brother and sister....
Thanks again!
I find that when we get back,
I find that when we get back, the bio kids just don't really mention it. I mean, it's in the past, so the little guy forgets about it pretty quickly, and if I ask my teenager to keep her mouth shut, so as not to hurt anyone's feelings, she normally does.
We just had the opposite scenario where DH took SKIDS to the snow and my kids didn't go. Basically, he just asked the SKIDS not to talk about it when they got home. Then, they went to BM's. If they talk about it when they return, it will be in the past.
Also, I plan to take my bios to the snow, so if confronted, I'll just say "let's go".
I find if adults don't think something is a big deal, the kids just roll with it. It's when the parents , or grandparents, make a big deal out of something, that everyone gets all up tight about it, even BM.
In general though, we've always told all 4 kids that what anyone does when they are not here is really none of their business. We teach our kids to focus on what is their business. This reduces a lot of drama and is a good life skill to develop.
Interesting question and one
Interesting question and one I've contemplated myself. I want to visit my best friend and his family but I don't want to take my SD, I only want to take my DD's. We don't have any bio father around to keep SD from going or anything like that. I just want daddy and DD's time. It's not that I don't want to spend time with SD, sometimes I just need a break from her. SD goes on weekend trips with GBM, so why can't I take my kids? I tested the water last week and took DD to the zoo without SD (who's been 1,000 times) and DW was excited that we got alone daddy DD time. I was worried for a min but all is well. Lets see how she takes me bringing up our trip lmao.