Thoughts on DH reaction???
Been with DH close to ten years and the last few years DH has been doing something that really irritates me. SS is REALLY spoiled and getting to be a rude disrespectful brat. DH has NO BACKBONE when it comes to setting limits with SS and lets him run wild. Part is DH wants to be the "favorite" parent over BM and the other part is SS is the manipulating brat and knows exactly what buttons to push to get daddy dearest to do what he wants. SS is getting totally out of control at both home and now school and DH knows this. I've been working with DH is trying to get him to set limits and consequences for SS's rotten behavior. Why do I care what SS does? Because SS's rotten behavior affects the entire household and directly effects me. When I suggest something like make SS stay after school to make up work or take away his cell phone if he is disrespectful. DH will agree BUT when DH presents this to SS what the consequences will be if SS flips out DH will ALWAYS back down then tell me he really did not agree with me but just going along with my suggestion to shut me up.
Now DH does the SAME thing regarding issues with BM. BM is a controlling NASTY you know what and intill I came into the picture she had DH by the balls. Again same issue. BM will try and pull some crap I will give DH a solution to deal with her. DH will go along with it intill BM complains THEN DH will throw it in my face that he NEVER wanted to deal with BM this way but just gave in to me.
Here is the real kicker if for some reason SS or BM agree or don't complain with how I told DH to handle a situation DH will not have a issue with it either. DH ONLY gets pissed at my "suggestions" if BM or SS do otherwise things are fine. BTW BM and SS DO NOT know I have anything to do with anything everything comes from DH.
Thoughts on why my suggestions are ok with DH intill BM or SS do NOT like them then DH gets angry at him for "making' he do something he does not want to???? SO frustrating!!!
Because BM still has him by
Because BM still has him by the balls. He's afraid that if SS gets mad at him, he will like BM better and not want to come over. So he'd rather ruin his child's life and ensure he'll never be a functional adult, rather than have his son be angry at him and possibly choose not to come over anymore. It's selfish parenting.
This is why it doesn't work to try to force someone to do things differently if they don't want to. It's time to let him know exactly how much more of this you will stay and take from him.
^^^^Oh yes. Couldn't have
^^^^Oh yes. Couldn't have put it any better.^^^^^^ As well as selfish parenting, it is very shortsighted parenting, because in the end, we all know, deep down, what motivations people are acting from. SS will realise that your DH is acting from cowardice - he is the indulgent parent who gives in to his bullying offspring and exW no matter what the consequences for everyone, which will ultimately be negative all round.
You've dealt with this
You've dealt with this nonsense for 10 years. BM and SS have your H's balls and he sees nothing wrong with it and does not want to change that dynamic. The question is why do you continue to be with a man that is more worried about upsetting and catering to his X than fearing your wrath???
For your happiness and sake I hope you don't allow another 10 years and more of living by their terms.
My DH used to be like this,
My DH used to be like this, he walked on eggshells with SD and BM because he was afraid of rocking the boat and losing time. I pointed out to him that in the 2 years I'd known him (when I said this) BM has gradually found every excuse to limit time no matter how he acted. Once he realized this his and my stress levels went way down and the time he spent dealing with BM went down too I've been with him 5 years now and he barely sees SD. He could have been the sweetest most ingulgent parent ever and he wouldn't get to see her any more.
BM are going to reduce time and turn the kids against you no matter what, he might as well be a parent in the dwindling time he has.
Exactly!
I have pointed this out many times regarding BM and it falls on deaf ears of DH. I’ve told him no mater how Accommodating he is to BM it’s never going to be good enough and she will complain.
As far as SS and turning a blind eye Towards his Outrageous behavior it really comes down to winning as the best parent. Unfortunately now that SS is older he knows this and plays the game very well
How hard is it to live with someone
Who puts you third after the ex wife and SS. Bet they all used your money for themselves, as you get nothing out of this.