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yesican's picture

Submitted by yesican on Sat, 02/28/2009 - 10:45am

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I have noticed alot more now a days that we have alot of bm's that are "deadbeat", how could a mother just walk out on her child????? I could never do that with my bc. Yes they spend time with dad and they need that time, or if they choose to live with dad that is different but I have heard alot of you that say bm just dropped the kids off and have no desire to spend time with them.
When I met my dh he had sk's all of the time but EOW, if she had the time or desire to spend with them. Once she realized I wasn't going anywhere and the sk's and I had a relationship, then is when she decided to be a parent, but her main goal is to try to destroy me and my dh and our relationship with the sk's. She talks horrible about me and basically tells the kids that dh is stupid. She has them full time now but EOW and Wednesdays. She has corrupted the kids so bad and she does not make them responsible for anything, so you can understand why they wanted to live with her, my sd's (11 and 9) are realizing how she is but my ss (7) is totally messed up and doesn't even come to our home, he makes it very clear to everyone he wants to be with her.

mommyS's picture

Submitted by mommyS on Sat, 02/28/2009 - 10:56am

The funny thing about BMs that get involved because of a "competitive" feeling with SMs, in my opinion, is they don't realize the vast majority of SMs want them to be better mothers or become involved when they aren't. So... in being competitive as a parent or influence in the child's life, they're just doing what the SM wants!

Isn't that funny?

The most important thing to me is that my skids have a good relationship with both their mother and father. I don't agree with everything either my DH or BM do, and I am not always happy with the way things are handled, but having good relationships with parents and stepparents is extremely important for children, especially in blended families and families of divorce.

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Sat, 02/28/2009 - 1:33pm

JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'

wants anything to do with her kids is when there's something in it for her, or to get in the limelight or to try to do something to DH & I. DH has had full custody of them since he & BM separated; BM told the then 3 yr old that she didn't want her because she was a "daddy's girl" and she was always tattling on BM. BM was always out whoring around and bringing men home while DH was at work and the 3 yr old told DH about what was going on - BM was busted although DH had his suspicions. BM would also go out and leave the kids by themselves (ages 8 & 3). She's never paid one dime of CS or even bought the girls anything except for paying for SD17 to get her belly button pierced. BM is a real winner - SS15, who lives with her, is so screwed up mentally that he can barely function. It's really sad in a way, but the way DH handled it with guilt parenting syndrom just made everything worse.

I love your quote!! "Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."

mommyS's picture

Submitted by mommyS on Mon, 03/02/2009 - 2:08pm

Thanks! It's not so much a jab as a stepmom, though it does fit, doesn't it?. My husband and I are both adopted, so we get pretty firmly the idea that parenting has little to do with biology and a lot more to do with who was always there for you and loved you. My biological mom couldn't hold a candle to my adoptive mom.

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother."

Lives2Teach's picture

Submitted by Lives2Teach on Sun, 03/01/2009 - 7:53pm

Up until my DH got involved with me, the BM had little to do with her son. Now that we are married, EVERYTHING is a personal attack to HER because I was at the IEP, the birthday party, the school conference meeting. The other day she was mad at me because I am "so fat" she couldn't see the teacher during a meeting. ha! I am getting really tired of her "it's all about me" attitude when it really should be all about my SS.

ugh...will it get better?

groovetheory's picture

Submitted by groovetheory on Mon, 03/02/2009 - 9:26am

They just don't care. Not all BMs are that way, but many of whom the BF's have custody are. My SD8's BM is just like that..when she had SD8 for a couple of years it was hell because of the fact that she wanted all this additional stuff over and above the child support to support her habits, and she always used her daughter as a sword and sheild. Now that DH has custody, she basically said "whatever". The first 8 months that SD8 was with us full time her mother never called, and SD8 found out through her GM that her mom up and left to Cali without telling her. Her BM was there for 7 months before she came back and decided to pick up the phone. Can you imagine in that transistion that she would do such a horrible thing. she just doesn't care. Even now, she doesn't get involved, however if SD tells her that she is on punishment she curses 5 times over in a phone coversation with SD on how she doesn't approve of punishment for the things that SD does. So SD of course since she idolizes her mom - figures we are th eones in the wrong.