This is a sore subject with me lately and I just the other day told my partner that I feel like other people's wants (including those of the kids) should come second to each other's needs. I feel like she puts her daughter's every whim before everyone and everything else in her life a lot of the time and it's bull. As a result her daughter is a spoiled brat. I told her I need to be more of a priority and that my needs have to come before other people's wants if our relationship is going to work.

I have a friend who stated their pediatrician said, "your kids are for rent, you need to make each other a priority." Meaning your kids see a healthy relationship and when the kids leave you DO have a healthy relationship as you have put each other first.

I think this is such great advice but for the guilty parent very difficult. My husband and I are trying but it is difficult as the kids are needy and when they choose to be so my DH responds.

My BF has told me as well that his kids will always come first.

I'm bothered that he did so much for his 1st wife and their family. She didn't work, they bought a house, he paid for everything (boobs included), ect.

Now he has zero money, tons of debt, can't bareley afford to keep food in the house and pay his share of the bills, when he should be busting his ass to make his new life and new family (skids included) work. I hate feeling like second best, like I'm not her so he doesn't have to work as hard.

Some bioparents feel for the "terrible lives" their poopsies have to live after divorce-I believe and it would be interesting to note if the partner's 1st marriage stayed together would they be guilt parenting in that case? I think of the 20 years of my first marriage with two boys and the marriage came first (when it was working)-we had no problem telling our boy's "no, I am not buying you that"-"Go play in the traffic"-we did not do this namby pamby parenting "Zippy would you like to take a shower?" :sick: -just told our kids "Take a shower!"-bedtime is now-not these guilt parents NO WAY JOSE will they order the precious poopsies to do anything they do not want to do. DH is currently like a broken record -report cards came out February 11th-he still has not seen Zippy's report card-Zippy wants a sleep over Saturday -ain't happening in my house or a ride to his ski hill on Sunday until his father gets that report card. DH is not happy with me-but if someone doesn't do it, life is going to smack that kid in the face big time!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

what drives me crazy is comming in 3rd after BM! I allways wonder if I was "golden child's" REAL mom if things would be different. Meaning if you are the REAL mom are you more equal to the child rather than just the SM?

because I put DH at the top. His needs and wants always come first before my own or anyone I know. But when it comes to my needs and wants, they come last because it seems that he cares more about Blabb and BM. It hurts me a lot because marriage is supposed to be sacrifices from both husband and wife... but I feel like I'm making all these sacrifices to make DH happy but he isn't making any for me.

in our relationship. My husband has proved it many times over. There have been moments I have not felt #1, but there are moments that I have not made him #1 because my children needed me.

But I do feel first------but his kids are older. Had I married him when they were younger, that is exactly what I would have received--second billing.

Personally, I feel that people with young kids are headed for lots of trouble if they re-marry while the kids are young. It is really best for your overall sanity and the sanity of your biological children to focus your attention on them.

It has to be a healthy balance between the spouse and the kids. One or the other can't come first all the time...there are going to be times where the kids needs MUST come first and other times when the spouse comes first.

I have to do that balancing act with my husband and kids and it's not easy sometimes, but I'm aware enough to know that they each have different needs that have to be met.

My DH treats me pretty darn good. He is a great and loving husband. He does make me feel that im his wife and that our relationship is important and different from his with his kids. Most of his time and alot of his money is spent on skids, I knew this going in. I dont care about that. I have my own life and career outside of our marriage so thats my thing. IF i had to say that im number 2 in his life (3 really) than its probably true. I still dont care, cus I have things that are important to me that dont include him or his kids . The things that get to me are the skiddy stuff like disrespect . I dont spend much time with my DH because of our work schedules, but the time we do have I want to be ours (not interupted by skids) sometimes this happens and sometimes it does not....Ive been married before and i think Im alot older than most of you on this site.......46. So maybe ive seen and done so much that i let a lot of it roll over me.
Im not saying that everything is peachy keen in my life..far from it..but I guess the part of being #2 or #3 in his life doesnt really bother me. Hey Im #1 on the list when it comes to being a wife in the bedroom and for me that works out just fine for me.