SS behavior advice please
My SS6 lives with us, BM has EOWE visitation. Except she's traveling out of the country now, and barely sees him once a month. She keeps saying oh I miss you, see you soon, etc, when in fact it will be almost 3 weeks until she sees him (she's been saying it for 2 weeks already) she's a POS who always puts herself first but he loves her and we understand that. We understand that this is frustrating for him, as she said this morning (they speak twice a day, (I try to avoid hearing her voice at all costs) :sick: ) she would see him soon, he said, yes you'll be back and we'll have the whole summer as she comes back for a brief visit just after school lets out.... And then she's like yes! My DH had to remind her, how long are you staying? BM Answer: 5 days. SS was crushed. She really won't be back for good until November/December. He takes his frustration and anger at her out on us. Back talk, yelling, general sullen behavior, He acts out etc. for attention. If she's out of his mind, his behavior is 1000% better.
Backstory: she walked out for the last time when he was 15 months old, he does not remember a time when he lived with her, and he doesn't remember a time when I wasn't living with him (I moved in when he was 2 1/2)
What is the best approach to defuse him?
Thanks!
Thanks! When she left again
Thanks! When she left again after a quick 2 day visit Memorial Day weekend (she had been gone since the day after Mother's Day) he was like, you've already been on vacation this month! He lets her have it but he knows how to guilt her into presents. Woman refuses to pay support, quit her part time job to travel and buys him approximatly $120 worth of stuffed animals in the span of a week. Where she gets her money, we don't know. We think it might be her boyfriend/fiancé. I really want to talk to him about love not being about gifts but I don't know that a 6 year old will comprehend it or even care. He knows we are the ones who take care of him and she spends her money on the fun stuff.
Yes! I was thinking about
Yes! I was thinking about talking to my DH about identifying them as what they are, guilt presents. But I like the idea of connecting it to leaving. This is a woman who bought the kid an iPad for his 4th birthday (or conned people into buying it, it came to our house once, so she hasit 26-28 days a month) so he is occupied on It for most of the time they are together (that's what appears as he is always on it when my husband calls to check in) he demands it when he gets in her car... He can be pretty rude to her. We correct his behavior relating to other adults, but if she doesn't speak up, she'll have to deal with him being a demanding shithead.
We just have to stop his behavior at our door. I have found a good shower when he walks in flips his switch back to normal about 90% of the time...he doesn't get bathed, fed or given drinks on any sort of normal schedule there. She is eating disordered and often forgets to feed him. I find myself buying a slice or two of pizza and Gatorade on the way home on the Fridays he leaves to make sure he's got something to hold him for that evening. He knows she doesn't do what normal moms do. He just has to learn to speak up for himself. He comes home starving and dirty and thirsty.
She is allegedly coming home in two weeks and taking him for 5 days...I'm sure the Wednesday afternoon until after dinner Sunday will turn into Thursday morningish to Sunday morning... Can't miss "drunch" (bottomless alcohol brunch).