Sometimes I wonder why SS5 even needs help with anything besides water temperature as our faucet is just the one nob and can be testing - so I understand what temp but anything else I question, and DH will try to make him do it himself and try to be independent but almost every other night SS will scream down for help...
However today he told me BM helped him put on his clothes which shows just how dependent he is at her house as she won't force him to be independent.
I would look at the opposing houses techniques and what is believed to be happening over there as just because we know they are capable sometimes the other parent hinders the child.
My 8 year old certainly doesn't. Like HRNYC said, I make sure there is a mat to step out on, and that there is a clean towel for her to use. I don't currently HAVE an 8 year old in the house, but SD11 has a brain injury and is still able to start the shower water, get her personal toiletries together, take a shower, dry her body and her hair, hang her towel, and put her toiletries away ALL by herself, and she's been doing that since she was about 7. It took a few times of walking her through the routine and teaching her tips to remember each thing, but she's got it down now!
this. You can't blame a child for not knowing something her parents never bothered to teach her. My SD7 has a friend in summer camp who is almost 11 and can't tie her shoes. Why? Because her parents don't buy her shoes with laces because they take too long to get on. Its sad.
SD10 required some assistance when showering when she was 8... It was mostly because she either wouldn't wash the top of her head, or wouldn't get all the shampoo out... But after a few times she got the hang of it.
So sad when kids aren't given the basics by the parents and it is so frustrating for steps, their friends and their friends parents to see. My girls could do this for themselves by 7, but SS14 can't bathe himself, wash his hair, brush his teeth, dress - he doesn't even clean his fingernails and his toenails look like deformed dirty claws that turn under and wrap around the ends of his toes. And I am not buying into the argument presented by BM and his father that "that's just boys for ya!" Their other boy is a year and a half older and manages just fine.
Since the babySS14 is coming back here in 3 months, I have been thinking maybe I should make him some flash cards like I did for my kids when they were in kindergarten and first grade and post them for him to refer to. Since his parents don't/won't and I am not allowed to directly help or guide the child perhaps a guideline will work.
Visual aids only work however, if the child is willing to learn.
dd turns 8 next month. I turn on the taps for her and she's fine with the rest (sometimes she has a little trouble getting all the shampoo from the top of her head, I just send her back to rinse off some more.
SS10 still needs his daddyyyy to watch and help the entire time he showers. He cannot bath or shower by himself.
(he actually CAN but he likes the attention that acting helpless gets him and OH and BM will never attempt to make him grow up, they wuv their widdle baby boy!)
He cannot make a sandwich, a bowl or cereal, toast? You must be kidding me - WAYYYY to hard for poor little helpless ss.
He cannot do even the most basic of independence tasks.
Both skids still have a nightlight.... sd is 13....
I am sick of the whole pathetic bunch of them today, OH included.
My "baby" just turned 5. He can wash his hair, and every nook and cranny.
That being said, you cannot be upset with a child that hasn't been taught. The only thing pathetic about this that the parents (steps included) haven't instructed them.
Exactly. It is NOT the stepparent's fault at all. This is purely the bio parent's responsibility.
My SD is 5 and can not shower without daaaaaaaaaaaddy's assistance. I think it's horrible that DH doesn't encourage her to be independent but at the end of the day, if he wants to go help a little girl shower, that's on him. I'm sure as hell not doing it. SD lies enough. I can only imagine what kind of stories she might come up with.
I think that this is a parental failure though the Skid certainly owns a large share of the blame for this rediculous situation. Kids have no drive to do much of anything on their own these days it seems.
They don't use their own immaginations, they use someone elses. Video games have replaced self directed immagination driven play. When asked to do something they seem to stand slack jawed until someone shows them how to do it rather than giving it a try on their own.
An 8yo most definately should be able to bathe themselves and take a shower without the participaton of anyone else.
My son (SS-21) got sick of asking his mom and I for help. Our first response was always to ask him if he had tried it on his own and our direction was nearly always to tell him to go figure it out. If the task was particularly complicated we would step in after he had given it several tries and would step him through a logical analysis progression on solving the problem. He learned very quickly how to logically break down and address a problem.
He works in IT and it is quite funny to hear his grumbles about how very few people will ever try to resolve a problem on their own and seem to automatically call him for help rather than try to resolve their issues on their own.
I wouldn't think
I wouldn't think so.
Sometimes I wonder why SS5 even needs help with anything besides water temperature as our faucet is just the one nob and can be testing - so I understand what temp but anything else I question, and DH will try to make him do it himself and try to be independent but almost every other night SS will scream down for help...
However today he told me BM helped him put on his clothes which shows just how dependent he is at her house as she won't force him to be independent.
I would look at the opposing houses techniques and what is believed to be happening over there as just because we know they are capable sometimes the other parent hinders the child.
My 8 year old certainly
My 8 year old certainly doesn't. Like HRNYC said, I make sure there is a mat to step out on, and that there is a clean towel for her to use. I don't currently HAVE an 8 year old in the house, but SD11 has a brain injury and is still able to start the shower water, get her personal toiletries together, take a shower, dry her body and her hair, hang her towel, and put her toiletries away ALL by herself, and she's been doing that since she was about 7. It took a few times of walking her through the routine and teaching her tips to remember each thing, but she's got it down now!
Seriously, at 8, the kid should have mastered it.
At 8 she is just learning.
At 8 she is just learning. She's sooooo dependant it's pathetic
At 8 she is just learning.
At 8 she is just learning. She's sooooo dependant it's pathetic
That is the result of her
That is the result of her parents failing to teach her. SHE isn't pathetic. Her parents are.
^^ this. You can't blame a
I completely agree here.
I completely agree here. Between this thread and your others it seems like you have a vengeance to come up with a reason to not like SD.
SD10 required some assistance
SD10 required some assistance when showering when she was 8... It was mostly because she either wouldn't wash the top of her head, or wouldn't get all the shampoo out... But after a few times she got the hang of it.
SS10 has been showering on
SS10 has been showering on his own with no issue since he was 7. He used to need help starting the shower but not in the past year or so.
So sad when kids aren't given
So sad when kids aren't given the basics by the parents and it is so frustrating for steps, their friends and their friends parents to see. My girls could do this for themselves by 7, but SS14 can't bathe himself, wash his hair, brush his teeth, dress - he doesn't even clean his fingernails and his toenails look like deformed dirty claws that turn under and wrap around the ends of his toes. And I am not buying into the argument presented by BM and his father that "that's just boys for ya!" Their other boy is a year and a half older and manages just fine.
Since the babySS14 is coming back here in 3 months, I have been thinking maybe I should make him some flash cards like I did for my kids when they were in kindergarten and first grade and post them for him to refer to. Since his parents don't/won't and I am not allowed to directly help or guide the child perhaps a guideline will work.
Visual aids only work however, if the child is willing to learn.
dd turns 8 next month. I
dd turns 8 next month. I turn on the taps for her and she's fine with the rest (sometimes she has a little trouble getting all the shampoo from the top of her head, I just send her back to rinse off some more.
SS10 still needs his daddyyyy to watch and help the entire time he showers. He cannot bath or shower by himself.
(he actually CAN but he likes the attention that acting helpless gets him and OH and BM will never attempt to make him grow up, they wuv their widdle baby boy!)
He cannot make a sandwich, a bowl or cereal, toast? You must be kidding me - WAYYYY to hard for poor little helpless ss.
He cannot do even the most basic of independence tasks.
Both skids still have a nightlight.... sd is 13....
I am sick of the whole pathetic bunch of them today, OH included.
My "baby" just turned 5. He
My "baby" just turned 5. He can wash his hair, and every nook and cranny.
That being said, you cannot be upset with a child that hasn't been taught. The only thing pathetic about this that the parents (steps included) haven't instructed them.
This is a basic life skill. Basic.
haven't you heard? Steps are
OMG the reaction if I tried to teach ss how to do anything....
You'd here the fallout all over the world.
^^ Exactly. It is NOT the
My SD is 5 and can not shower without daaaaaaaaaaaddy's assistance. I think it's horrible that DH doesn't encourage her to be independent but at the end of the day, if he wants to go help a little girl shower, that's on him. I'm sure as hell not doing it. SD lies enough. I can only imagine what kind of stories she might come up with.
I think that this is a
I think that this is a parental failure though the Skid certainly owns a large share of the blame for this rediculous situation. Kids have no drive to do much of anything on their own these days it seems.
They don't use their own immaginations, they use someone elses. Video games have replaced self directed immagination driven play. When asked to do something they seem to stand slack jawed until someone shows them how to do it rather than giving it a try on their own.
An 8yo most definately should be able to bathe themselves and take a shower without the participaton of anyone else.
My son (SS-21) got sick of asking his mom and I for help. Our first response was always to ask him if he had tried it on his own and our direction was nearly always to tell him to go figure it out. If the task was particularly complicated we would step in after he had given it several tries and would step him through a logical analysis progression on solving the problem. He learned very quickly how to logically break down and address a problem.
He works in IT and it is quite funny to hear his grumbles about how very few people will ever try to resolve a problem on their own and seem to automatically call him for help rather than try to resolve their issues on their own.