I would tend to think these are things that imply residential parent & the need for CS. If she wants help with these things is she offering 50/50 & no CS?

To answer your question, my ExH went to one for DS in18 years because it was serious (ER visit high fever/dehydration when he was 3). His job did not give much paid time off. He did a few for SD, but I did most of those too, especially routine (BM lived 8 hours away).

Honestly? Yes, I think he should.  Maybe not every single one, but here and there? Why not? THey are his kids too, even if he's NCP.  I don't see even if the mom has custody that she should always be the one 100pct of the time burning her days off from work for appts, dad can do it too.  Hair cuts, why not?  Can't he do that on the weekends he has the kids?  Maybe instead of medical appts he can offer to do the haircuts?  How far does he live from BM and the skids?  

A NCP shouldn't be always searching to do the least they can do.  There is nowhere in a CO that says the custodial should take them to every single appt.  To do the right thing he could offer a couple a year, like maybe the dentist appts which are typically twice a year, and maybe every other haircut.   Not much out of his way but also doing something parental for the kids that isn't just weekend fun-he can do some of the drudgery work too once in a while.  

Honestly I can't stand dads that do this, my DH was actually pretty good about it with SD and did a lot of the running around for appts, my exh on the other hand did none of it- I think he took them to a haircut ONCE in their whole lives.  He didn't pay half his medical/dental/braces, he never showed up or even asked about their appts.  I call that a deadbeat.  

A dad that can't be bothered to take his kids to an appt they need just because he pays CS, IMO teeters on deadbeat.  Or just because he's mad at BM and pays her CS to not be bothered.  I absolutely loathe that approach and attitude in men.  Sexist bs.  

I'm not saying take to all, but again, he can offer a couple appts a year and some haircuts here and there.  

How much time does he have with them? It's hard to do medical stuff if he's just every other weekend. If he has them some weekdays, I don't see why he can't help with it. She's not collecting child support as a paycheck for doing all the parenting, she's getting it to provide for the kids if she has them more. 
 

BM here did her best to cut DH out of everything, he'd have been happy to help with this stuff. So count your blessings that she's not that type. 

When we lived in the same town as BM my husband would take SD to the dentist and optomitrist and BM would do most of the doctors appointments. She used to take SD to the doctors about every week or two though so he diid get involved a bit in that to find out what was really going on and go to specialist appointments when BM managed to escalate things beyond the primary doc. He was also there when SD had her tonsils taken out. Hair cuts where a BM thing and school they would do together. 

ETA: their custody arrangements switched back and forth a bit as to who had SD the most. When SD stayed with us more my husband did more of the doctors visits (though she went a lot less with us as we weren't crazy like BM). 

If he is able to help with appointments, why not?  My mom had custody of me and my siblings but I remember what few appointments I had, my dad took me to some.  He had a more flexible work schedule so he probably handled more of them than my mom did.  He was a more involved parent than most divorced dads were back then.  Usually Mom got custody and Dad got EOW (that was in my parents' divorce decree) but my mom let him see us whenever we or he wanted.   

I am the CSP in our blended family mix, I was happy to take the Skid to appointments, etc... However, if I had been teh NCSP... nope.  And neither would my mate I think.

What you describe are the responsibiities of the CP.  If for some reason the CP is not able to get the kid to an appointment, then sure, an NCP can step in... on the extremely rare occassion that it passes the smell test that the CP is not just pawning it off on the NCP.

The NCP is responsible for getting kids to appointments that the NCP sets for the NCP's time. Same for the CP.

If I were an NCP.... I would make damned sure my X knew damned good and well that I was not her beck and call child care provider or errand runner.  Which this reeks of IMHO.

Proximity does not mean that the NCP has to be the X's beck and call rescue service.  In our case... we never lived nearer than 1200 miles to SpermLand and they made absolutlely zero effort to participate in SS's life beyond inconsistent taking of their COd visitation with him.  Even when he was with them they would call in an effort to get out of taking him for critical medical treatment.  Rusty fish hook to the thigh..... call BM to try to weasle out of getting him to a doctor by demanding that he had an up to date tetanus shot.  He did, we just were not at home when they called and could not confirm his shot record so we told them to get him to the ER for a tetanus shot.  But... they did not want to take the several hour drive to the nearest hospital from their forest lake camp site. So... I used my phone ap to locate SS's coordinates and told SpermGrandHag that she either get him in the car and drive him to the hospital or have her credit card ready for when the helicoptor ambulance landed at their camp sight to fly SS to the hospital for a tetanus shot. We were on a weekend trip as far from our home as they were from the hospital.  Suck it up SpermGrandHag!

While I fully believe that parents have to ensure the best interests of their kids, that does not mean that the other parent gets to manipulate in a COD situation.

BM can deal with the appointments on her time. NCP can deal with the ones he makes on his time.

Keep it simple.

I don't get it, you seem to have the approach that the P in NCP stand for what exactly?  As described, a custodial receives CS simply because it's the estimate of the COST of raising the kids -factoring in both salaries.   That doesn't mean the other parent doesn't have a responsibility for the kids as well.  

It's different if she were asking for him to take the kids for her to go on vacation or time with friends or other 'babysitting' type things-but an appointment is NOT these things and BOTH parents should be responsible for these things.  Automatically most will already fall on the custodial, that doesn't mean he can't step up for HIS CHILDREN (not BM) - haircuts on his time is very doable for starters.  An optometrist or twice a year dental cleaning for example.  Or a sick appointment -say dad has a regular day and mom has a deadline or super important meeting -dad can then step up and take some time off for his kids.  Are NCP never supposed to burn any of their time for their own children? THat is absurd.  Nowhere in the CO does it outline that the custodial must be responsible for all of this.  It's sad that at some point CO will have to outline that as well because a NCP is so disconnected from his own kids he can't take them to a Dr appt once in a while.

This is where you with parents would just simply cooperate with eachother and put the best interest of the kids front and center.  Do you think for a second a custodial parents job advancements aren't affected when they are the ones always taking time off for kids appointments?   Because that is a reality.  Again, I'm personally not saying all the time or even 50/50 but a few appointments a year for necessities for the kids is basic parenting 101.   Custodial simply means they live the majority of the time with the other parents-NOT that the NCP has no responsibility beyond CS for the kids.  Custodial parents ALSO have financial responsibility for the kids.  I can assure you the miserly $500 a month for two kids (never paying medical nor dental, braces, sporting, bday gifts for friends, transport) was way lower then my monthly contribution to my kids.  And I still do now that they are older and you know the case with my older son- we're going to look into SSI but the boy has been unable to hold anything down with his issues since 18- and not a cent has his father sent for any help with him-including the astronomical out of pocket expenses for his hospitalizations.  

I stand by it- somehow you think a NCP has no responsibility other then a check-you are dead wrong.  That is not ever what is best for the kids.  Them doing the drudgery work is parenting.  Even if it's every few months he has one appt to worry about.  It's something, it ALSO shows the kids he's a parent as well, not just disney weekend dad.

Look at the positive side to it - at least he'd get all the appropriate information straight from the horse's mouth rather than bm's filtered version. 

Me and my ex share 50/50. We do the appointments as it works in our schedules. If one is needing to be scheduled as an annual we will get the date and see who it works out for. If something comes up on either of our times whoever has the kids will take and notify the other of what is going on. Previously, I did a majority of them because my job allowed it and wasn't as high end, now that we both hold higher end jobs we work together there is just no other option. 

BF on the other hand has EOWE bm had always been the one to do appointments because they live 45 mins away and have to be in their network. Come to find out she hadn't been attending appointments as she should. Year in a half ago he had to take and schedule oral surgery because she had a mouth of broken molers and cavities and BM didn't have 'time' When it come to the surgery date she rented a hotel room and made a big show out of it. 

It didn't occur to me that my ex shouldn't be involved in these normal aspects of raising a child. He paid child support and was the NCP. But he gladly took our bio to various things even when it wasn't during his custodial time. Neither of us kept score about who was doing what.

But he wasn't generally high conflict, and neither was I, so our custodial schedule was pretty flexible and not always in line with the court ordered days. It worked.

When BM makes the appointment during her time, it's her obligation to take the child. Doesn't she want that responsibility? I bet dad would jump at full physical custody if BM cant hack.

Now, I have no problem with taking turns for well checks. Taking turns for 2x a year dental check ups. Same for eye care.

It's ridiculous when the child is at bm's house, for bm to call dad, HEY my kid is sick come take him to the doctors...IF that is what is going on here.

Offer her to take turns for check up's but everything else is on her. That is part of being cp.

*if distance is a factor it is all on cp*

Depends on a couple things for me. Mainly, is she scheduling appts for things and demanding he come with or is she asking him to do some of it when it works for his schedule also? 

And is she wanting him to come with her, or for him to do some so she doesn't have to take work off as often?