Bio mom manipulating doctor visits so her other child can go
A little background: bio mom is severely controlling and manipulative. Always finding ways to get her own way. Rude, mean, quick to anger.
Doctor visits have been an issue for my husband and her, his ex. She wants complete control and how it serves her best. The latest soap box she is on is that if their child has a doctor visit on my husbands day and my husband is working, she says nobody can take child to doctor appointment but her - somewhat makes sense, but won't even "allow" me to drive child to appointment so my husband can meet us there and he can go in with child. Insisting she pick child up at our home and take them. Our way around this is I just take child to his work, and he drives child from his work to appointment so she doesn't fuss about who is taking child. Silly, I know, but low contact works best for us, even if she doesn't agree.
The big issue that has arisen this week is that my husband arranged a month ago to get off work in time to take child to appt today. Getting time off isn't easy for him. It's his parenting day though. She texts and says that the doctor office called her and since her daughter (to another man) had an appointment with the same doctor on the same day that they combined the check ups for both children. She also moved the time up a half hour without consulting my husband. Now he can't go because he can't get out of work on time, nor would he even want to because he doesn't feel it is appropriate for him to attend a check up for her daughter as he is not her father. We feel like she will start trying to schedule these appointments like this now in the future because it's more convenient for her but it makes him extremely uncomfortable.
How do we navigate this? Does he have any rights to ask that her daughter is kept separate on appointments?
I'd tell her that, as she had
I'd tell her that, as she had completely changed the situation (changed time, added another child) and as he declined all responsibility for it he would not be paying for it either. As from the time that she added another child, she changed the deal. There is no reason for him to pay for a child that is not his. If she wants to take them both together then let her pay for it.
He should also contact the doctor's office and let them know that, if he set the appointment, nobody other than he would be allowed to change it. Make sure they understand that by allowing his ex to change it he lost time and money for nothing.
PS
Of course he can request a separate appointment for his daughter. The original appointment was only for her, after all.
I agree with everything
I agree with everything Winterglow said.
I would also call to verify his child's appointment and see if what didn't happen was the other kid is 30 min before their kid. Just ask to make sure that there can be a separate room for your stepkid.
Also- I get what you are doing trying to be low conflict, however, you are giving this woman WAY too much control over your life. Driving a child to meet their parent for an appointment is in no way overstepping (I hate that term!!). You aren't in the doctor office, you aren't a part of the actual appointment- tell her to kiss your butt.
My favorite movie line (that also relays to step life) "You have no power here! Be gone!"
Just no.
BM doesthis because you and DH allow her to do it. She can't dictate anything about how DH and you deal with anything Skid related in your home and family.
Tell BM to F-off and you take your SD to the doctor, etc.....
She gets no say. Quite giving her any power over how SD is parented or cared for in your half of the blended family.
Who has legal custody of the
Who has legal custody of the kid? If BM has legal custody and DH only has visitation then yes, she can do this. If they have joint legal custody then she needs to confer with him. Honestly, this is probably not a hill to die on. As a mom, I get combining appointments for convenience. In the future if this happens DH can ask that SD be checked up first so he can leave the room when the other kid is being seen. When kids are little there's nothing crazy going on, weight, height, temp, bp, checking ears, eyes, etc.. Since it is his parenting day and he already has time off he can get SD after her appointment and they can go have a daddy/daughter date. Much more fun than going to the doctor.