Should I tell them the truth?

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So I haven't contacted my parents at all since the last conversation was nothing but nagging. But both of them have been calling and texting me saying they are worried about me and to call when H isn't around. I checked my email this morning and this is what my dad had sent:

I know you'v‎e got a lot going on up there. You've gotta follow your heart on this one and gotta do whatever you feel is best for you and the baby. You are suppose to come back to visit... so I would try and see how things go until then.. if you just don't think it's going to work anymore, then maybe you should think about staying here when you come back. You and our grandson will always have a home here. I know it's a short response, but you already know how I've always felt about you being independent.. having a career; your own money; and complete control over your own life. I like (H), but I'm not there to see exactly what you're going through.. so, I will support whatever you decide to do.

Love You,
Dad

I think it's safe to say they have my back and my son's.

But idk if I should just wait until I get there. Only 4 days away. Don't know what to tell them to at least hold them over so they don't try to contact H because they are worried.

I would say, 'My plan is to

I would say, 'My plan is to stay. Please don't reach out to H. We will talk when I get there.' and also be thankful for these people. They clearly love you and want to take care of you and your son. Go back, take care of yourself, nurse your wounds, and start a fresh life.

Duplicate

I feel the same way. The

I feel the same way. The things she made 'big deals' just weren't. If it were abuse of some sort, wouldn't THAT be the big deal? The pot would be WAY secondary, like not even mentionable.

I'm over the pot issue. Now

I'm over the pot issue. Now the problem is the way he speaks down on me, and refuses to properly parent SD, yet demands I treat her as my own. Well if he won't back me up on disciplining her as I would my own, and no compromises can be made, then we can not live together or raise a child together. My child is only 5 months, and I raised him the first 4 months alone AND I am his primary caregiver, so yes, if I leave, he comes with me. H can take care of his daughter he's been going to court for and I can take care of my son that he could really care less about. How about you actually come put yourself in my shoes before you get pissy.

Yes, but you guys don't

Yes, but you guys don't understand, he did not act like this BEFORE hand. And also, I am not a citizen or even a resident of this country. We haven't even began any immigration forms for me, so I can't just move and stay here. I have no choice BUT to return to my country. I will not deny him rights, but as a baby, I prefer he remain in mainly my care. I shouldn't have to remind a man to get off of his phone and pay attention, the baby is crying. I shouldn't have to remind him to constantly put his weed away, which wasn't even a habit I was aware of until most recently. He's shown me he is just not a responsible parent. If he wants to screw up his daughter fine, but I won't be here to watch. And I certainly won't leave my baby in his care.

So I made a mistake, yes, but

So I made a mistake, yes, but it will take me nearly a year or longer to gain status here. I cannot work here on a visa. Have you seen what the immigration process is like here? I can get my life sorted out immediately once I am in the states. Staying here would do absolutely nothing.

I am legally reaching out to an attorney once I get there. I am not just sneaking off into the sunset and never telling him where I am. I just do not want to be near him when we are making terms and agreements. THAT is why I am leaving. My problems may seem miniscule compared to everyone else on this site and yours, sure. But to me they are big deals. Yes, I'll admit, looking at the situation I clearly made a mistake. But I didn't know it was going to turn out like this. I didn't HAVE to come back, but I did to try to work things out and it can't be one person trying to fix things, which in my situation, keeps being me.

We both agreed on parenting style and all of a sudden now that we share a child, the rules have changed. He wants wants wants from me but will not GIVE. Actions and words have made it clear and my decision is final.

our system is just as

our system is just as complicated.

add in that living here is insanely expensive dependent upon where OP is. A crackhouse basement apartment will be $1500.00 before utilities

Here's the problem...if he

Here's the problem...if he does go after any parental rights and parenting time...you will be sending your child off to another country for whatever period of time with NO say in what happens at his house. I had a friend once that told me she was staying married because at least then she had a say about what happens at his house...because she was there! If she left him, and he married, or just had a live in gf...she had absolutely NO say. Are you going to have a problem with your child being gone possibly an entire summer when he's older? Because he won't always be a baby. You seem to be thinking in the short term and not very far in to the future, and you are banking on him not wanting to have anything to do with his son...even though you have watched him fight for his daughter. You think he is not responsible; just wait until you send your child to live with him for a week during spring break. In another country.

When he is older, and goes

When he is older, and goes for visits, yes I will try to be okay with it. There are eyes up here for me. I refuse to live here with him and his daughter though. I don't care if H has visitation with him, I just cannot live here anymore. All I had to hear was "I'll never feel the same about him, all I want is my daughter" and "take him with you". If he chooses to care all of a sudden later then so be it. But for now, I need to get out.

Along with "don't tell me how

Along with "don't tell me how to parent, you know nothing about it".

Was the child born on Canada?

Was the child born on Canada? If so, you may find yourself fighting for custody in Canada, not the US.

I'm not exactly following

I'm not exactly following along I guess. So your okay with dh having visitation with your son, but your not okay with his parenting style when your around.

I agree with a few of the other posters, you made your bed, now you must deal with it. You should've gotten to know your dh better before bringing an innocent baby into this world. You also might have a huge court battle among you. If the child is a resident of another country and you try to take him away to another country, I beleive the father could get you on grounds of kidnapping. This would not look good when he tries to take you for full custody either, you would be considered a flight risk.

When dh and I fight, I always say "my child". I have to remind myself that BS is "our" child and I think so do you.

The only one getting pissy

The only one getting pissy here is you. Go back and read the comment LadyFace wrote. Especially this part: "many of your complaints make you sound rather immature yourself"

You have no idea what any of us have dealt with. I am much older than you and laugh at your "problems." I wonder what you would tell us next...possibly something that actually would make it okay for you to sneak out of the country with his child...

I've forgotten if DH watches

I've forgotten if DH watches your emails closely or not. I do remember the "don't let the door hit you" style of comments, "the I have no interest in BS, only in SD" comments ...

Tell your folks that your trip is on. See you in 4 days. Until then, a bit of "radio silence" would not be inappropriate and to leave the key under the front door matt.

Glad that you have support.

Thanks, Indigo

Agree with Indigo - a simple,

Agree with Indigo - a simple, "Thank you Dad, I love you too! I'll see you in 4 days!" would be good.

I have no issue with you leaving the country. *shrug* I just don't. People get divorced and live long distance, it happens. If your DH didn't want that, he probably should have made more effort. He can skype with his kid, and visitation isn't impossible either. No, it won't be EOWE, but such is life. I don't think you should cut him out of your son's life all together, but I haven't really heard you say that's your plan. As long as you're open to him having some relationship with your son, and as long as Dad is willing to put forth the effort, I don't see the issue.

Don't assume advice given is

Don't assume advice given is coming from the place you think it is. My ex has hardly anything to do with our kids and didn't even bother fighting against supervised visitation in court. A person should think through EVERY possible scenario when making decisions.

Her whole point is how horrible he is as a person and Dad. So how in her eyes would a long distance/long term visits be okay for their child? If he's so horrible, this is a nightmare, no?

Everything you know about this man and his daughter is from her. I agree he has issues, but he is involved in an emotional battle with her mom for this child and probably is always on the defense when it comes to the child he feels he needs to protect. On the other side is his infant son whom was born and raised for 4 months away from him. His son doesn't need him right now and he feels his daughter needs him more. He is saying stupid irrational things that he will probably regret, likely because he knows deep down what is happening and he is trying to compartmentalize everything to make it easier on himself. Also, this is not 100% his doing. There is no doubt in my mind that OP is wrong here, just not sure to what degree. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I as a stepmom did some really stupid/immature things as well as most SMs here. She is not innocent in this. As a matter of fact, it appears to me that he rejects his own son because he can't imagine dealing with OP forever and he is 100% attached to her. They are one and the same in his eyes.