Advice on confronting SD15 & SD13
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They're abusive, punishments don't work on them, so I decided that it would be best to confront them in order to show them their place in the family, and show them that they can't walk over me.
However, I haven't been in this situation before so I'm very worried. How do I go about this? Have any of you been in this situation?
I've also posted about this on my blog so if someone wants more info, it's there
I strongly advise you not to
I strongly advise you not to confront them yourself. You need to have their father explain to them that you are their parent just as much as he is. He has to set that line between you and them. You confronting them might upset their father.
I currently have a 12 year old stepson, overall he is alright, he gets snippy but what kid doesn't. Instead of confronting him myself, I ALWAYS send him to sit on his bed. I search out my husband and explain to him the situation. My husband will go and talk with him and hand out whatever punishment he feels is appropriate. I always support him in the consequences. I think it vital for children to know that both parents are united and that there is a mutual respect.
You will never be their mom, it is beyond strenuous for your stepdaughters. Especially at this point in their lives when they are trying to figure out who they are. Remember it takes years to the family to sync together. Always keep the lines of communications open.
My husband gives them
My husband gives them consequences/punishment, they just don't care and they keep up what they were doing before it as soon as he walks out the door. I can't even send them to sit somewhere because they won't listen.
I don't want to be their mom - I just want them to respect me and our home.
He is. He punishes them,
He is. He punishes them, gives consequences, sometimes even yells at them, but they just don't care.
They c an suffer the consequences,and they do get consequences but they don't care.
I don't do anything for them, yet they still abuse me and do shit around the house..
I have been on that page
I have been on that page before. My ss was 4 when this happened but the power a 4 year old has is unreal. First off dh has to have your back and be there to support you all the way. Technically you have no grounds with them at all. But once dh steps in to support you not to overrule or push you aside and take over but stand right there and says he supports your decision and no questions asked. Also having dh talk to them about how they treat you will help also. My ss went off one day and was being a royal pain in the butt. Calling me names yelling and screamin at me in public, kicking, hitting, throwing things, ect. He knows better but once dh got home and laid down the law on that is not how you treat your step mother his attitude changed. And he also made it to where I made his punishment and he backed me up, enforced it and said that I was taking it easy on him and added to it to get the point across. Granted it was nothing like spanking and and he got his toys taken away for a day and had an early bed time and had to sit in time out till diner was done. (which was only like 30 min) He has never treated me that way again and he also listens to me now. Dh support is what is going to get through to those girls.
DH tells them that's not how
DH tells them that's not how they should treat me, they don't care.
He gives them the punishment himself, enforces it, but they don't care.
I don't fear standing up to
I don't fear standing up to them because he might leave, I just fear that it won't solve anything and they'll just get worse.
They get in my face, I get in theirs, one has to back down and it seems that it will never be one of them.
I'm not afraid of him leaving, I'm afraid of creating more trouble by confronting them.
No they don't. They don't
No they don't. They don't really care who's an adult, if they feel someone's attacking them they go right in their face. It happens that they get into conflicts with adults and they seem to be even worse with them than they are with their peers.
They don't back down, ever. No matter how I try to get them to, they just don't. I can be calm,they don't back down. i go crazy on them, they don't back down. Never. Whatever I do, they don't back down and I feel there's no way to make them. That's my problem, their reaction (or lack of it), not my husband's reaction.
I would let them have it,
I would let them have it, it's not about my husband, it's more about what will happen once I let them have it.
I do want to stand up - I'm just afraid of how will it end. They're quite troubled kids.