Should a 9 year old know why her parents split?
My Bf's dd has been haven't horible tantrums and trust issues. Long story short: BM cheated, left, got pregnant and moved in with her new bf. This all happened when she was 4.
She has no clue what happened, other than that her mom was suddently pregnant and her life was turned upside down and she has 2 dads.
BF is very sweet, yet very passive as well. He would never defame his ex to his child. So basically everyone goes on their merry way pretending this is just how it is.
His daughter now goes into these fits that no one loves her and everyone lies to her. I think she "knows", or has figured it out. Still no one addresses her behavior or validates her feelings. I see her engaging in bad behavior for attention and I try to help BF see it, but its like no once wants to face reality.
I'm getting frustrated. I've been dealing with "guilty daddy" syndrome on top of all of this. I would never in a million years take it upon myself to tell this child what happened. But at what point should these parents stop pretending and openly discuss with their child why they are not together?
I feel like I'm involved in a train wreck waiting to happen. Starting to get cold feet. To watch a little girl get fucked up by her parents and not be able to do anything about it is hard.
I would pay attention to
I would pay attention to those cold feet if I was you.
Cause don't plan on putting a ring on your finger if this
guy doesn't not parent similar to what you would parent like..
They should beable to talk to her about them not being together anymore.
In a 9 year old way..."Like things did not work out with me and Mommy" bla bla..
She doesn't need to hear the dirt to understand why her parents are no longer together.
"I would pay attention to
"I would pay attention to those cold feet if I was you."
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALWAYS go with your gut!!! I ignored my gut three times and three times I was sorry for it. "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"
They have had that talk. The
They have had that talk. The "we just don't love eachother anymore", "it didnt work out", etc.
I guess thats not where her tantrums are coming from. When this girl decides to have a tantrum its bad. Kicking, yelling, scowling, nothing seems to console her. The times I have been able to help it took nearly everything out of me.
She needs therapy. I doubt it will happen though. The whole thing just makes me sad.
This is slightly off topic,
This is slightly off topic, sort of, but maybe you should read this article. Some of the points in it are interesting:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/12/05/143062378/whats-behind-a-temp...
It talks about irrational things being said during tantrums, as well as why the best thing to do during a tantrum is nothing at all.
Your BF what does he think
Your BF what does he think about the therapy?
I know how you feel helpless.....just try to be all you
can for her..
Let those trantrums run themselves out..you have to ignore her when
she is having them..
He agrees but then does
He agrees but then does nothing. Seems to be the story of my life since I've been with him. Lots of "your right", but then nothing happens.
I honestly don't think it is
I honestly don't think it is EVER right for a child to know the exact, adult reasons why a marriage doesn't work out, unless they are adults themselves. DH and BM divorced when SD was 2. She doesn't even remember them being together. And yet when SD was 5 and Dh and I were dating, SD informed me (in front of DH) that the reason BM and DH got divorced was, "Daddy had too many other girlfriends." Yep, BM told her that, even though it was not true and not the reason behind the divorce at all. DH never told SD the true story, and I'm not sure he has to this day. It's not her business.
I know exactly where your
I know exactly where your coming from.
You can see a child severely affected directly from the actions of the mom....but no one dare says anything...
It's easy in most cases to see who is at blame, and to see the consequences they have caused...and wen it's a child. It tears at you. I would love to have laws in place to charge women or men for hurting people on the inside so bad they find it difficult to cope and live normal. Should it be any other area like a car accident...it's this persons fault and this one is affected this way so we sue.....in divorce and family law....nothing. It really upsets me too.
Bm here did unspeakable things and the kids are directly affected.... And no one speaks I'll of the bm....it's all hush hush....she has caused so much damage and continues to do so....yet gets away with saying everyone else is wrong. I lost it one night wen the older golden child was going on about how fantastic his mother is....I ended up saying 'I think someone should let u know that she is a very hated women'. He said to me how he liked her, I said of course u wld she is your mother but I have to question why everyone I speak to hate her? Die had enough as him and his mother were spreading lies about me and calling up my mil to tell her how I did this did that....it was all made up.....honestly the 3 of them are the most weirdest meanest people ever....I felt I had to say something to the ss16.
I can't advise you wot to do except to say LEAVE NOW.