SD15 came early and left early, with a dramatic exit; atleast she's outta here :)
Over the week she was at our place, we went to the beach, tubing twice and she had a friend over for 2 nights and her 2 cousins over for 1 night which we took them ALL tubing paid for everything (I didn't think SD deserved to bring anyone tubing by how she acted but FDH agreed to let her so whatev) and had a decent week since we stayed busy and did family stuff over the whole holiday week. Her friend and cousins all went home Thursday a.m.
FDH calls me at work Thursday afternoon and says he's upset with SD15, she told him she doesn't want to be at the house anymore bc all we do is drink and party and she told her mom and her mom is on her way to come pick her up!!!!!!!!
DUH!!!!!!!!
I'm not surprised nor shocked. Of course she did!!! The fun is over, she used FDH to get what she could and now she wants to leave! Toot-a-loooooo!!!!!! }:)
I gave FDH my opinion (fun is over and she wants to go and is using FDH as an excuse, if he didn't drink it would be something else), he was upset but pretty quiet and agreed. I can't help but feel sorry for him. I hate that she makes him feel bad and then does the whole " you were drinking guilty thing" (which we do not have to justify bc we are adults, it was the 4th, I was sober and he was drinking socially)
She uses every excuse to make him feel bad and goes and runs to her moms and makes it seem like we have a frat house or something! and tries to make us look like shit.
She was fine when he was drinking when we were tubing with her friends, didn't get drunk, had a few beers. Then turns tables and says it's not right that WE drink in front of her afer what she's been through. VICTIM ROLE......GOD, rude, ungrateful little biatch. I wish she would just stay with her mom if thats how she feels. Now FDH is saying she's rude and he doesn't care if she wants to be at her moms then she can go..........UNTIL he starts to miss her then he will guilty parent and kiss her ass and take her to do fun things and buy her stuff she she comes over. Same sad cycle, over....and over.
I keep doin my own thing, don't say too much about her and don't even bring her up esp when she's not here. Wondering and hoping if he's ever gonna be one of the DH's on here who eventually SEE it or if he's lost forever..............
P.S. I WILL NOT, NOT have a drink if I want one just bc she is there. I'm an adult and if I want a random drink during the week it's usually bc SHE'S THERE!!!!!!!
Not Complaining! I am Elated
Not Complaining! I am Elated and was thrilled when I came home Thursday, just feel bad when FDH gets so disappointed and she keeps doing the same thing
Dad's hate the truth, but
Dad's hate the truth, but they can't argue with it. Just blame the messenger, right?
Its really sad and
Its really sad and frustrating when you see your DH hurting over spoilt ungratefulness by the skid, and in this case your sd got what she wanted (aka FUN) and then wanted out when normality had resumed.
Unfortunately though, while I can appreciate the reasonings *why* these dad's seemingly have short memories when their kids pull stunts like this i.e. they don't see them often, have little quality time with them, want to ensure the skid continue to comes over...THAT is WHY these kids act in this manner, because they can, because they KNOW daddy will forgive and forget without any expectation and consequence. Yeah, sure they may be learning how to play their parents off of each other and BM is gleefully encouraging disrespectful behaviour, while remaining (conveniently) ignorant of the game playing as it suits their agenda BUT your DH is really nuturing this problem by ignoring it due to his desperation, love of his child!!
You see for me, I will be supportive and loving when it comes to these issues but there does some a moment when I don't want to hear it anymore and actually sometimes by commiserating with that person it only helps them to continue on the well trodden path for a repeat performance by the skid. I see it this way, ok that skid is wrong for effectively using their parent however its up to the parent to shut down that loop hole that enables that kid to act in that manner, otherwise quit Frigging moaning about it. What does he expect will happen? When will he realise that moaning doesnt change the end result and all it does is wind you up? I wouldnt want to listen to it and my advice to you, would be to say " DH while I agree it is very wrong and hurtful of sd to act in this manner, need I remind you that I warned you she would act like this? She has done this before (name some occasions) and will do it again, because she knows YOU will not reign her in. She misbehaved the other week and she STILL went tubing, rewarding or ignoring poor and hurtful behaviour only nutures it and it will only get worse as she gets older. Either DO something about it or get on with it without moaning about it, as I really don't want to hear about it..."
JIMO.
Yes, I totally agree. I made
Yes, I totally agree. I made the remark that maybe next time SD is so rude she shouldn't be rewarded with sleepovers and fun activities and next time WE have something fun planned she won't be invited since she either ruins the time and makes it about her or shits on him after.............(but then this makes me look like the bad guy that hates her and just doesn't want her around) I said it anyway, I'm stubborn like that!
He was quiet and didn't say much. It IS frustrating to see him hurt and disappointed but it IS his own fault! Good advice though, I'm going to say that word for word with no attitude so he's a little less likely to get super defensive. Thanks Delilah
I think that sensible
I think that sensible drinking in front of a child is a good thing, to avoid it totally makes a huge mystery of it, as a teenager I would occasionally be allowed to have a beer or a glass of wine, you will never keep kids away from alcohol, so to show that it should be consumed sensibly as a social thing, rather than to block feelings is a positive thing.
Personally Im dreading my Sd becoming a teenager, I think that part of your Sd's behaviour is that of a normal teen, selfishness, manipulation and an inability to see or care about anyone elses feelings, I do feel for your partner, it must break his heart, I was never spoilt as a child, now I don't expect anything from anyone, its a good habit to have, its easy for me to say that your partner should stop spoiling her and to crack down on her behaviour, I expect your Sd would give him a massive guilt trip if he did that, what is needed here is some respect, if he stands up to her, that would be a start, she see's him as a wallet, as you suggested, only reward good behavior, it really does help, tell him its breaking your heart seeing the way she treats him, I wish you luck.