Before SD 7 comes here I feel tense and cranky, almost always!!!!!
It's always the same, when we have time off from SD7 I hardly think about the situation and how different things are when she is here.But the closer it comes to our time with her, the more tense and sensitive I get.All I have to think about is how she tries to get Daddyyyyys 100% attention all the time and that I sometimes simply don't feel that I want her around.I will not show it of course.I also know that SO sometimes feel the same when my kids arrive, but he will also not show it.
Anyway, SO has been great in the past and almost always been really considerate and lovely to me when SD is here.It is just the situation and the anticipation of it, the experiences of past and a very strong headed and dominant mini-wife -SD.Think it is quite normal to feel like that.
(Sometimes I even ask myself secretly why my SO has to be one of those men who want their child 50% at least , instead one of those many men out there who are happy to have them EOWE.I know it is wrong of me, bc me as a BM would never give up my time with my children.I tell myself that all the time.)
Anyway, I will take a head ache tablet against my stress headache and will try to overcome the next day or so with a happy face.Usually once she is here and we got used to each other I feel much better.
You know what really bothers me?At the moment we have our weeks organised with a couple of days on and off with the children and then every other weekend.Now BM and SO have arranged one week on and one week off for SD.That means straight 7 days with her in her weeks and 7 days off afterwards.I am really concerned.Too much of SD will impact me here at home and plus I am worried that SO will miss her so much that he goes back to Disney parent her BIG time when she is finally back. 
Am I overthinking too much??????
We have EOWE and a couple
We have EOWE and a couple evenings a week. Every time she comes over I literally get sick to my stomach. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes I don't even realize why I feel so sick and then I remember what day of the week it is. My body is on a strict schedule to feel anxious/stressed starting at 1-2pm every Tuesday and Friday.
Sometimes I feel better after a while, sometimes I can't wait until it is time for her to go home.
On the bright side, you'll only have to stress out about it once a week now?? Although I know how 7 days can drag on like eternity. (christmas and summer breaks are EVIL..)
Maybe the 7 days off will give you enough time to recoup so you can manage your 7 days with the little angel?
I get the same way...anxious
I get the same way...anxious beyond anxious and feeling on edge and snappy the night before my step kids are about to arrive. It lasts the night before and straight through the weekend when they are here.
I had thought that my situation was horrible until I started reading others posts here. I realized that I have it pretty good as far as being a step parent goes, but I guess I am still really bothered by the whole situation. The kids aren't intentionally mean to me. They do have SERIOUS issues with wanting Daddy's 100% attention and I feel that I am left scraping by with a quick hello and maybe a hug if I'm lucky from my husband. He and I have talked about it on numerous occasions and he totally gets it, but sometimes I think he feels guilty for asking the kids to wait and go do something else while we spend a little time together. I get that, we have a child of our own and I couldn't imagine not spending every single second with my baby if he wanted that attention. I know it's hard on my husband because he only sees the kids on weekends. I guess I just silently accept it and try not to stir the pot too much. I choose my battles I suppose.
But ya, it leaves me feeling like death all weekend long. I get so damn excited when we have a weekend off, which are RARE!!! I think it helps a little to know that there are other people out there who experience the same "oh no here it comes" feeling.
I ususally get better after
I ususally get better after the first day or so.
My SD is not a bad kid at all, just very dominant and possesive of her dad, which is also normal since she and him were together alone for years.But she listens and is friendly to me, plus SO is really working on those single-child issues with her, so I cant complain.I think the past is haunting me a bit when we started dating and she was really annoying with her daddy issues , pretended illnesses and 100% attention seeking.In those days all SO did was finding it cute or funny or something, plus he constantly stared at her , adored her and really didnt get what was going on.
I think that's where my uncomfortableness still comes from, I have no other explanation.It seems to be out of my control, too, I just feel nauseous or have a headache before she comes- guess it is kind of a panic reaction to what was a real threat to our rs before things really got better.
At the moment I really rely on SO's support in the situation and also on my own ability to get it under control, which is usually after the first 24 hours.
I am so grateful to this
I am so grateful to this board. I am feeling exactly this way too. Had SD last night, and I felt sick all day knowing she was coming. Then I come here to read and realize I am not alone. And not crazy, and not mean.
I get panic attacks everyday
I get panic attacks everyday picking the skids up from daycare.
I think we all have this
I think we all have this dream that we'll meet the guy, fall in love, get married and have babies all while living happily ever after. Then when we finally do meet the guy...that perfect, wonderful man who you can't seem to live without...he has kids with someone else. Within minutes you realize life as you drempt it is over.
Enter new life. Life of trying to be the step mom that you're husband hopes you'll be. After all, they are his babies and he has every right, no matter how horribly his kids might be, to love them unconditionally and want them with him. I know I would want my child with me, even if he was troubled.
All of a sudden life becomes all about trying to deal with taking care of someone else's child(ren) because at the end of the day you do want to support your husband. You do want to help him raise his children and you do want to create a happy healthy family environment. They might not be your kids, but you want to atleast try to be the best you can be for everyone.
Then you hit the wall. The big brick wall of "I can't do it anymore!" Feeling like you're spending your entire life with your back turned on the dreams you once had. Feeling like you're always taking a back seat to the weekend time with the step kids. That you're marriage is suffering but there isn't a thing you can do about it! You try to disengage, but it's a lot harder than you ever think. I don't know about you guys, but when normal bed time hits, I don't want to let them stay up any later because the later they stay up, the less alone time I get with my husband. 8:30pm is when I loss the battle of disengaging. I have to speak up and tell my husband that it's time that the kids go to bed. They can watch the rest of their movie tomorrow when they get up!
I think, atleast for me, that the panic attacks, the feelings of frustration before the kids even walk through the door...I think I'm finally starting to realize that they are all stemming from the realization that I am not living the life I dreamed. I'm living with the guy and we have a wondeful and amazing marriage. We have a beautiful son together and that 5 days a week life is heaven. But those 2 days a week when I feel like the neighbours kids are visiting and just won't leave, life is not a dream. It's not what I wanted, but it is the cards I have been dealt and I need to figure a way to play them. If the situation were reversed, I would want my husband to try everything he could to be okay with my kids and living a life that is different than he may have drempt.
I do have anxiety sickness
I do have anxiety sickness when I know my SD is coming over. Mine stems from the fact that me and my DH NEVER have an argument until she comes. We are business partners. We are the best of friends and lovers. We get along great! Not to say we never disagree. But then SD comes and he transforms into this person I do not recognize (guilty daddy syndrome). That's when we would ARGUE AND HAVE THE WORST TONGUE LASHING FIGHTS. Even though I have now taking the 'hands off' approach when dealing with SD visits because I no longer want to argue - I still get anxiety sickness.
Oh my! i know exacly what you
Oh my! i know exacly what you mean by having these anxiety sickness. I have a SD11 who gets to my skin all the times. But the worse part is that when she comes over my DH becomes more her buddy than a parent where there is no more standards to follow. DH and SD both will act the same. So what do u think i do? Sometimes egnore them both is not enough... I hate when she comes over because there no bounderies set and i feel left out. But i least i feel lucky that when she come on the weekends that we suppose to have her, we only have her for 3 days 2 nights only. But this weekend we will have her for a good 1 week+ due to spring break and BM being out of town for business... urgh please pray that i make it through this weekend.... SMH