I am sick of you thinking of poor you all the time! get over it! People get divorced, get re-married and move on with building a progressive and healthy life. Stop thinking of ways to make yourself feel better when you don't need that. You need to stop crying over spilled milk. You say you are glad you divorced her and you say you want a partner that wants to be an active mom with a family that travels and learns with family game night ect, BUT YOU WON'T DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THAT LIFE HAPPEN!!!!!! Staying up late, playing video games, talking about porn, talking about all the ways to perfect me with plastic surgery won't make you feel better. Exercising is good, but doing it constantly like a meathead in anger is also not going to work. I don't know why you won't allow yourself to be happy!!!! Stop putting yourself into a box that doesn't fit you! You are a wonderful father. Amazing. You are patient and kind. You braid hair, show them bugs, teach them to swim, help them garden, run them to school, and give them so much love. Yet, you claim that what you do every day is not you really. You talk about what you did for fun in high school prior to your first marriage and children like that is the real you vying to emerge. You seem afraid to live the life you claim you wanted. Stop hiding behind fear and live. I'm not going to recreate your past just so you can hide in comfort and avoid a challenge. Get over yourself.

Also, I am sick of your mother. She does not like me either. I know she sends a text here or there to play nice, but she really dislikes me and misses your ex-wife. Your Mom is trashy. What grandmother goes out and gets a tattoo that matches one that her son's cheating, partying ex-wife has? Your ex is the younger version of your mother, si I can see how that marriage happened. Your Mom still drinks and parties. I don't want to give her one more dime. She is an adult woman that should manage her money better. She is fully capable. Also, I am sick of her side bar passive aggressive comments to me that make me feel bad when I make an honest parenting mistake. My God, I just became a Mom by inheriting two precious girls along with working full-time and being a wife for the first time. I will make a mistake and forget something sometimes...it happens. She also needs to stop loading the kids up with sugar and buying them tons of trinkets all the time. The girls should spend time with her and not be bought.

Also, don't kiss up to me and pretend you are doing something nice for me when it is not something I like nor want to do. I am not an idiot and I know that you are fully aware of how I feel about going out to eat all the time for example. Just stop. The girls don't even appreciate it anymore.

Romance...I think you threw that out the window when we wed because I know I have after several failed attempts. I still can't get over that weekend away that I planned and you maybe leave early because you didn't want to enjoy the city without the girls. BS. Telling me that the girls asked you to do something nice for me does not count as romance, especially when you don't actually do it but just tell me about it. WTF??? "Oh, (daughter's name) said I should send you flowers as a surprise, but I told her it is a big hassle, but I'll try sometime." What is that??????? Do you even think of how I feel???

Sex...should I just leave you alone? Do I even need to be there? It's just about you. You are very goodlooking, but it is usually not that enjoyable for me. I'm uncomfortable, you don't do anything for me, you say something rude that makes me feel bad. Honestly, I don't ever really fantasize or even think of sex at all anymore. I never tell you no because I know it is important, but let's just think about the fact that I don't initiate anymore either. You don't make me feel good. Lately, I feel used afterwards like it was just my body and not me that you were having sex with. I just focus on something else and i don't worry about enjoying it anymore. I feel it is better for me to just be quiet and get through it.

I want passion. I want a husband that is happy to be with me and loves all of me and makes me feel alive.

I think about leaving a lot. I don't want to hurt and ache for more. I can't leave because I love the girls as my own and they are all I have. Sometimes I seriously wonder if I would have left it weren't for them....I think I would have.