All potential partners with children should have a hazard warning card which should be read and signed by new partners to confirm they have understood that the relationship may be hazardous to their health and mental well being. This is the conclusion I have come to after yet another arguement with DH when he uttered the all famous "but you knew I had a child when we got togther". :sick:

It just got me thinking "yeah I knew you had a kid but I guess I missed the small print". So for those of you who have not yet committed yourselves to a lifetime of misery and are thinking should I stay or should I go, here is the condensed version of the small print which you don't get told about:

1. Disney daddy has endless energy levels to entertain skid on their weekends, what this means for you is that you will have a part time spouse. After spending all day entertaining skid don't expect disney daddy to have any energy to engage in any adult conversation, he will most likely crash out in front of the TV as soon as skid is in bed.

2. On the weekends when skid is not there you may get some attention but this must be juggled with all those household chores that need doing and get put off until a skid free weekend, we can't possibly be expected to take up valuable skid time with the normal day to day requirements of managing a household.

3. Even if you have never been married before and this is your first time on the marriage carousel don't expect any of the goodies associated with first time marrieds ie. spontaneity and romance, we wouldn't want the skid to feel left out by not including him in all weekends away.In practise this means lovely log cabin overlooking the lake, the sun is setting, skid and daddykins are outside admiring the view together whilst SM is inside gazing wistfully out the window as she does the washing up (else we sleep in a mound of dishes that night!).

4. If by some miracle you do end up on a skid free weekend away, everything stops when the phone rings and skid calls. This is non negotiable, even if the two of you are getting romantic in bed together THE CALL MUST BE TAKEN!

5. If you are fortunate enough to be taken for a "romantic" meal out it shouldn't be too long when conversation will turn to skid and how wonderful he is, remember it is your duty to be totally enraptured by his latest accomplishments.You will be required to have a fake smile plastered on your face why disney daddy waxes lyrical about his little star (who poops his pants at the age of 10 but we will not mention that!).

6.BM may be an evil conniving witch and your future DH may even -rightly so- portray her as such, however she is the mother of his children and what this means is he is her ATM machine as "its for the children" for life, you on the other hand must work yourself into the ground and don't even think about reducing your hours as even though you could support yourself on a lower wage you couldn't support a family and don'tcha know skids are family :sick:

7. You will always be made to feel like an outsider. Quite often even people outside the family don't know what to make of you. Even if your DH never married the baby mama people usually assume that she is the first wife and will casually drop into conversations "DH's first wife blah,blah,blah!" at which point you will have to restrain yourself from screaming "I AM THE FIRST AND ONLY WIFE!SHE WAS THE HUMAN INCUBATOR WITH A GOLDEN UTERUS COMPLEX!"

8. You will be expected to push aside your hopes, dreams and aspirations and sacrifice them for the greater good of the "family". The irony is that your DH and his ex were not prepared to put aside their differences for the sake of a family they chose (yes even if BM trapped DH with a kid he still chose to sleep with her and a baby is always a possibility), so even though DH and BM broke up their family unit you are expected to be delighted with someone elses leftovers!

9.Any hopes of building a futue with your DH will need to live in the shadow of his past, this will be facilitated by constant disruptions to any plans the two of you make being changed at last minute by skids, BM and every other person who will have more of a say so in your household than you do.Essentially you will find yourself at playing house without any authority-its like nursery school all over again except unlike the dolls you had back then these little Chuckies actually answer back!

10.Above all else remember "You knew he had children when you married him", what this means if you read between the lines is that essentially the day you signed that marriage register you had committed yourself to a lifetime of servitude and emotional neglect for the good of his children.What this statement assumes is that you knowingly and willingly entered a relationship where it was practically guarenteed your own needs would not be met on every possible level-emotional, mental and physical. Who in their right mind would do that?

So please think carefully before agreeing to what is essentially a prison sentence.....except unlike prisoners SM don't have any human rights!