Question about cell phone discipline
Anyone got an opinion on grounding between households? BF grounded SD12 from her cell phone over the weekend because she was lying, not doing homework, giving attitude, and not doing what she was told. He had caught her playing games on her cell.
However, BM is the one who bought the cell phone and pays for the plan for SD12. She was not happy to hear he had taken it away, told him to give it back, and even put SD12 in the middle by telling her to keep her phone after SD12 talked to BM one night.
In order to be considerate, I recommended letting BM know he had taken the phone away and to just have her (BM) text him when she wanted SD12 to call her. Apparently that didn't work either. It was after that, that she told SD12 to not give back the phone.
I don't agree with BM putting SD12 in the middle. Anyone have comments on how they have done it?
I used to pay for a cell
I used to pay for a cell phone for my DD15. Since she went to live with her dad and he has pretty much all control over discipline, he'd take the phone away for months on end. Well, I got tired of paying $120 a month for a phone that sat in a drawer so I dropped the line from my plan.
When stepdevil14 was coming over every other week, we'd never know that she was grounded from her phone because BM would only ground her for a few hours and then go back on even that! We tried to extend punishment from our place to BM's but it never worked. BM never followed through on anything so we gave up. When SD14 would come over and she was being punished and the phone was taken away, DH would tell her to simply leave her cell at BM's and then he'd text BM and say if you need to get in touch with SD, call my phone.
If BM isn't cooperating, there's not much you can do other than enforce the punishment while SD is at your place.
I'd probably tell BF he
I'd probably tell BF he needed to back off if he was trying to keep SD from talking to BM, but he was only trying to enforce discipline in his house. IMO, BM doesn't get a right to say what he can take away in his house, anymore then she would like it if he tried to do it to her household. Although, SD could definitely use it at both places.
I would say she had grounds to say something, if he was doing something like what happened with your DD. Keeping it for months, but he kept it three days and she took it with her back to her mom's house this morning.
Thanks for the info, I don't have kids, so sometimes I wonder if I'm just missing something.
This^^^
This^^^
You are not even close to
You are not even close to being annoying or a badass.
We have experienced this in
We have experienced this in our home as well. Although BM pays for cell phone, any time SS14 is out of line, mouthy or direspectful we take away his cell phone and sometimes computer. BM tell SS14 not to let myself or husband to take his phone. BM tells SS14 that she pays for it and that his father has no right to take it away. Well SS14 soon learned that is not the case. My house my rules!
If the kid breaks the rules
If the kid breaks the rules in your house, she gets the consequences in your house.
Just because BM bought it and pays for the plan doesn't mean she gets to dictate how your household operates. I think you were completely in your right to take the phone away. BM was clearly wrong to direct SD to disobey you. It's in moments like these that you and DH absolutely HAVE to stand your ground and stick to the rules.
If BM insists on contradicting you like that, the phone calls can end too.