Preparing for the hard questions
Forums:
Hello, all! I'm new here and my SO has a son (infant) which is my soon to be SS. I am bracing myself for things to come down the road, yes probably way ahead of time. My question is to those who have gone through this already:
1) how do you handle questions like "why aren't mommy and daddy together?"
2) how do you prepare and make up for a BM who fills her son with tales of our awfulness?
3) how do you keep a cool head with a BM who is illogical, crazy, and manipulative?
I have dealt with her crazy antics for 10 months now, and SO and I are deeply in love, but the fear of what's to come is at times unbearable! Thanks for any help, this forum has been a life saver!
I respect that, but leaving
I respect that, but leaving is not the right option for us. We both have great careers, and I do not plan on having children of my own. I do, however wish to provide tge loving stability that will not be present 100% of the time with BM, who regrettably is already pulling some serious alienation BS.
So far, SO has been VERY explicit about behavior that will be tolerated, and that which will not in our home. Dealing with the crazy, however, he is so dang patient that "logic will sink in" that I want to puke. That will be addressed VERY soon or this relationship will fail. I support communication and cooperation between the bio parents, but I won't tolerate bending to her crazy ideas to "make things less difficult"
You have a long, long road
You have a long, long road ahead of you. If BM is acting crazy now, she will probably only get worse. Your SO can't wait for "logic to sink in." It may never! He has to stay actively involved in his son's life, and no matter what he does to combat hate and nastiness from BM, it may never be enough.
I am dealing with my boyfriend's adult children. They are NOT nice, and they are never going to change. They are loyal to BM, despite the fact that my bf has always given them what he could, per their demands. He worked a lot and was not around, and she gambled their savings and home away. She is nasty. They KNOW this, yet they are loyal to her, and treat him horribly. She refers to him as the asshole (always has) and now, me as the whore, yet the things she has done in life are disgusting and appalling.
I wish you a lot of luck, bc you cannot predict how this is going to go. It concerns me that the BM is causing problems now, and the boy is so young.
Yes, I'm afraid I do have a
Yes, I'm afraid I do have a long road. I'm confident in SO's ability to be an active father, and yes, as you can imagine, I am horrified at BM's actions already. It's becoming a legal battle, and he is still so young. It's heartwrenching. I guess I'll just have to assume the worst, but continue to be loving and supportive to SS and my SO.
As for BM, only time will tell. I feel that most of her issue is her naivity and childishness in her decisions. SS was unplanned, and SO broke it off after finding out she had cheated on him (get ready...) 3 times in as many days. She is a lying, manipulative individual, but he's stuck with her as the other parent now! She's unemployed and feels entitled to everything. Uphill battle scarcely touches the situation. I'm hoping the fact that SO is the most caring, amazing, supportive, loving man I have ever met will be enough to make it through.
Thanks for all of your thoughts, I look forward to any suggestions and advice I can get!