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Pre-teen still calling DH daddy...ughhh

MandaLynn29's picture

My DH has 3 kids by 2 different moms. is loads of fun ~_~. Anyway, the oldest SD12 still calls him daddy and it is bordering on just gross. None of the others do it and they are SS10 and SS3. WTF?! The problem is, DH still calls her baby doll and baby girl. Really??? We have a daughter coming in February and she is going to be the "baby girl" after that. His kids are babied by him and especially by BM to the point that they are helpless on their own. It is disgusting. When do the pet names become inappropriate? I feel they are now and am ready to say something to him. I have been dropping hints to him by reminding him that she will be a teenager this coming year and that she will be driving in 3 years. I also made him pretty uncomfortable because I asked when they were putting her on birth control. Her mom is a cum dumpster and has already told DH she will put her on it soon. I am just afraid of her getting knocked up at 16 or sooner (since her mom set a great example for her...). I would rather not be a grandparent before I am 30. Any thoughts on age limits and breaking the news to DH that she is not "baby girl" anymore?

byebyebirdie's picture

my sd does this too and she is almost 13 it makes me sick. once and a while my DH will tell her to not talk like usually when i say "yes daddy what about it ".
i ofter thought when i talk to SD i should start referring to her dad and daddddyyyy just like she does and do it so DH can hear it and how stupid it sounds.

Newstep's picture

LMAO "cum dumpster" I just choked on my soda!!!!

Back to the topic SD13 still refers to herself as "baby girl" :sick: :sick: :sick: she even signed her text messages with that. So every single text message she sends ends with **Baby Girl** makes me barf. SO called her that growing up and she is not giving it up. She gets mad if he doesn't call her that it is painted on her door to her bedroom!!!

She got into a little spat with me because she insisted that SO had her in his phone as "baby girl" and I said no it is under your name. She pouted and moaned about it LOL I just laughed }:) }:) }:)

StickAFork's picture

I know grown women from intact homes who call their father "daddy." For them, it's normal. Just because it isn't normal to you (or to me) doesn't mean it's wrong.

Try to let this one go.

byebyebirdie's picture

maybe in a house where ever one is calling "daddy" daddy" then i guess okay i can see that and yes i guess that would be normal in that house but in the house where NO ONE except SD is referring to "dad" as "daddy" i see it completely different.... this would not be normal learned behavior..... thats just how i see it.

StickAFork's picture

These women are the only ones in the home who do/did it. One had brothers, another had adopted sisters who used "dad."

To each their own. I wonder, what makes it "not normal learned behavior" to you?

byebyebirdie's picture

Let’s see “normal learned behavior” is exactly that, learned… its not rocket science.

When I was growing up if I would of referred to my dad as “daddy” let’s say once I reached 6 years of age since I don’t recall ever referring to my parents other then by saying “mom or dad”. I can only image I called them mommy or daddy at one point in my childhood like most little kids do including my own.
I then would have been corrected my mom and dad or siblings, my sisters and brothers would of said, “grow up and act your age and stop being a baby ” and my mom and dad would of said “when we reach a certain age we express our self in a more mature way honey”…..learned behavior …… this is how kids learn it’s not new….. ok now in your case and the family you knew no one said anything and to each other and they all said what they felt like saying so in their case this was the way they learned they could express themselves how they wanted no one said anything… this is not rocket science….geezz I wasn’t trying to be mean in my 1st response I was just pointing out the way kids learn stuff and you always point out the negative…. I honestly wonder what you are doing on a venting step parenting site when you seem to have a perfect step family life and no problems with your skids….what gives?

StickAFork's picture

Read my blogs. There have been a couple since my last posted blog that I've written all out just to have them "disappear" in the posting process, and it's not been worth the effort to re-type it all.
You sound SO ignorant. What gives you the idea I have a "perfect step family life"???

I wasn't being mean at all to you. I just wondered how you defined "normal." That was it. And you answered. I was asking, because PERSONALLY, I don't give two hoots what my DH's kids call him. Never have. It doesn't even bump on my radar, and I have never thought "daddy" was "wrong" past a certain age. That's all. And, no, I don't call my father "daddy." It's just not for me.

Crazy_in_Ohio's picture

I really think the "daddy" & "mommy" thing is exacerbated in a step situation. It's not a hill I would die on that's for sure. But it really seems to push some hot buttons with step-mommas.

I call my dad daddy. I call my mom mommy or mamacita. It's nothing gross or nasty, it's just who they are to me. Of course, I still call my younger brothers Bubby and Crissy-foo.

My SO calls me Hon or Honey. He can call his daughter dear. We don't interchange them. I don't call him my baby boy like I call my son and I don't call my son Honeybee like I call my SO. And I certainly don't call my SO "daddy".

Crazy_in_Ohio's picture

They do! Wink They don't seem to mind - but no one else can call them that. Or it starts a war. Sometimes they even sign their cards they send me like that.

If I said what my dad calls me it would give away my name and due to the internet trolls I won't do it..but let's just say it would probably rankle some people here. It's just our terms of endearment.

You know we're pissed at each other when the full names comes out and someone says "Mother" or "Father". Then it's on! Smile

I am trying's picture

Me too! It is totally the spoiled princess type who continue to call their fathers "Daddy". It is also a deliberate manipulation to make themselves seem younger and more helpless to their father so they will buy them more stuff or do more things for sister still pulls this crap and she's 33! Blech!

My DH was still calling SD "peanut" when she was 11. When his brother had a daughter and started calling her peanut, DH realized that while appropriate for a toddler, it definitely sounded odd when he said it to SD. He stopped it after that.

I am trying's picture

Me too! It is totally the spoiled princess type who continue to call their fathers "Daddy". It is also a deliberate manipulation to make themselves seem younger and more helpless to their father so they will buy them more stuff or do more things for sister still pulls this crap and she's 33! Blech!

My DH was still calling SD "peanut" when she was 11. When his brother had a daughter and started calling her peanut, DH realized that while appropriate for a toddler, it definitely sounded odd when he said it to SD. He stopped it after that.

elcamino67's picture

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "it makes them seem younger" My SD is 16 and doesnt just call him daddy...its daaaaaddddyyyyyyyy and then she goes and lays her head on him and rubs his arms and holds his hands. WEIRD VERY FREAKIN WEIRD....

Not_what_I_wanted's picture

We did and somtimes do still call our father "daddy", its a southern thing with us. We dont even think about it. SD calls her father dad and daddy, goes back and forth. I dont care. Its just what they use. I call my 17 yo son baby boy sometimes, but not often. I see where it may sound weird to others, but its not meant that way between any of us, and its not to annoy anyone else. DH will call SD baby girl sometimes, but I have caught myself using that too, even on our puppy. They are just terms of endearment, more than anyhing else.

MandaLynn29's picture

I can over look the fact that she calls him daddy. Even though it really is juvenile and makes me wanna :sick: I am just really trying to get him to stop with the "baby girl" crap. He doesn't give either of his sons nicknames or mushy pet names. Yuck!

Here is another thing, his daughter has a cell phone. Her mother usually has it 90% of the time though (it makes no sense to me). It is very apparent when BM has it and replies to DH text. She talks nothing like SD. Yet DH will continue to text, knowing this. His defense is, "I just want to see what she says." Are we in high school again?? Would the best route not be to ignore it? I do not want to hear from or about her EVER. Which I have to remind him every other day....

When is enough just enough?

Crazy_in_Ohio's picture

My dad doesn't have a nickname for my brothers. He did however have one for my step sister and one for me. It might just be a man thing. My son's dad doesn't have a nickname for him either, but I do.

It sounds to me like you have some issues in the way your DH interacts with his daughter and his exwife. Names aside, it's how they do it, the tone, the context and perhaps how it pushes you aside.

I wish you the best.

Crazy_in_Ohio's picture

Tone and context is quite a bit of the issue, I'm sure.

Case in point: My exhusband called me nothing but Dear. But it was said in a shitty distasteful way all the time. There was nothing nice or sweet about being called dear by him. Just one thing on the long list of why that marriage went to shit.

hismineandours's picture

My dd15 called my dh daddy the other day. I thought it was super sweet. But then again maybe that's because she hasnt done it in years, which she herself commented on.

IDK-I have "pet" names for all my kids. Just some different versions of their names, and some nicknames that truthfully others might think are strange, but it is just meaningful in our family.

I too would let this go. I'm not going to say I wouldnt gag if my ss14 started calling my dh daddy all the time, but gee, he'd have to speak to him in general first. Dh did used to ss "buddy" frequently. I thought that was gagworthy as well. But I admit it's just because I dont like the kid.

christinen's picture

This is funny because I came from an intact family and I always called my dad “Daddy”. He passed away 3 years ago and even now when I refer to him, I still say “Daddy.” But I have a SD too and that whiny “Daaaaaaaaaaaaddy” is the most annoying thing EVER!!! So I totally know how you feel, but I think it’s the babying that is annoying you more than the actual word! You have my sympathy though. Being a SM to a SD truly sucks!

round2's picture

Must be a Southern thing! I am 42 and still call my father "Daddy". My mother is Momma and that is consistent with my older and younger sisters/

I come from an intact famil - my parents just celebrated their 50th Anniversary and I cannot imagine callimg my Daddy anything else.

That being FDH does have one pet name for his daughter that is just plain stupid. I hate it but I keep my mouth shut because I have a stupid pet name for my kids and I dont want to be a hypocrite.

BSgoinon's picture

I am guilty... I call my Dad Daddy. I am 34 years old. That is just his name. My parents divorced when I was 13. I never thought about whether or not it bothered my XStepmom. It wasn't a thought that crossed my mind, it is just what his name is....

And he calls me "baby". I am his baby... I am the youngest of 4 girls.

RedWingsFan's picture

DH still calls SD14 "babygirl" and she calls him "daddddyyyyyyyy". It sickens me because she still tries to be his mini wife.

At one point he called her "love" and tried to do the same with me. I nixed that right quick. I said "pick a pet name for her and one for me but do NOT interchange them". He didn't think it was a big deal but I told him when you use a term of endearment, it should be exclusive to that person and mean a specific thing to that person.

So now I'm "love" and she's still "babygirl" and although I just wish he would call her by her name, I silently say to myself "this isn't worth a fight"...

Oh and I'm 40 and still call my dad "daddy" but I don't do it in a sing-song, drawn out, spoiled brat kind of way like SD14 does. It's simply "Hi Daddy" or "I love you Daddy". She is all "daddddyyyyyyyyyyyy" and it's fucking annoying. Mom is either "mom" or "momma" to me.

My daughter, 14, is my #1 girl, but I generally just call her by her name. She calls her dad "dad" and me "mom".

Cocoa's picture

my mil still calls her dad daddy and she's 62! my dh calls his youngest (who is 11) bubby. this is the nick-name given to him when dh was still with ex wife and they ALL called him that (his bro too). my hackles raise every time he calls him that because it's a constant reminder that i'm the SECOND wife. haha! but, he's doing it less and less now, and is just petty jealousy on my part aggravated by babying. i think you may be having a similar problem. maybe if your dh started working with her on doing things for herself, it will be better. it sure has helped with me, but still a work in progress. still have to work on dh cutting "bubby's" meat! this kid does NOTHING for himself at home with bm, and dh was enabling him. he just learned to tie his shoes last year! but i had to point out to dh that MOST kids know how to tie their shoes in kindergarten, at age 11 should be cutting their own meat, getting their own drinks and snacks, etc... dh was waiting on him hand and foot! i speak up most of the time now, "he's old enough to wash himself honey". i think it's getting through to dh all this babying is putting bubby behind his peers.

BSgoinon's picture

I do get annoyed when DH calls SS by his initials. That is what BM calls him. It drives me insane. Partly because his middle name is BM's DADS name, and her dad.... is an ass.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

If I am 100 years old my 74 year old son will still be my baby boy, what is that saying..."as long as I'm living my baby you'll be"??

MandaLynn29's picture

Well I just talked to DH about this and he actually agreed that it is time to put an end to it. SD is starting to get a teen attitude with him and he is starting to see that she is not his "baby girl" any more. It is okay to give pet names as long as they are not baby talk. Time to let them grow up and be functioning parts of society. Biggrin

mugglemum's picture

I know Daddy and baby girl are Southern expressions. Many friends of mine use those terms. Maybe someone in their family is from the south. Meh, to each their own. Not really a hill to die on. 

ndc's picture

My mom (in her 60s) still refers to her father as Daddy and called him Daddy until the day he died. My grandmother (80s) refers to her father as Daddy and also called him Daddy until he died.  In some families that's normal and no one thinks twice about it. DH is from the deep south, and there's lots of "daddying" and "baby girling" going on where he's from. I'm sure he'll still be calling the skids baby girl when they're teens.  It doesn't bother me - maybe because they don't act like babies and are not babied.

Rags's picture

It may be a southern thing.  My 75yo mom and 72yo aunt refer to my Grandfather by "Daddy".  A very good friend of mine from the south who is in his mid 60s refers to his father as "Daddy".

This may not be an issue.