First time bio-mom does not want stepkids around
I am going to start off with how excited I am to meet my first (and possibly only) baby girl in February. I never ever wanted children until I met my husband. He is eight years older than me and has 3 other children (ages 12, 10 and 3). The problem is, I completely disengage myself from his other children because I really do not enjoy other peoples kids at all. I want our child to have one on one,uninterrupted bonding time with him. Which I know she will have because the other children live with their mothers( yes, that is plural...aka a nightmare...) and we have been battling the ex-wife in court since moving because she refuses to meet us half way for our visitation pickup with the 12yr old girl and 10yr old boy. The ex girlfriend won't let my husband even see his 3yr old son. Needless to say, it has been a few months since we have seen the older 2 and I have never got to meet the youngest and we are moving again, even further away }:) . My husband misses them and tells me, which makes me resent them even more because it is causing him pain. In the same sense, it is a relief to me when we don't get them on our weekends.
So now that everyone sees me as an awful person....How do others deal with it? I tried the whole being a part of family time thing. Watching movies, playing games, sports, etc with them. I can't do it....The 10yr old has ADHD (which is just an excuse to give him meds instead of disciplining him by his mother) and never shuts up..ever...I don't mind the 12yr old so much b/c she is mostly quiet. Except for telling me she is hungry every 5 minutes (she is overweight for her age and it bothers the hell out of me). My husband just smiles and says all he ever wanted was to have a family with someone who wanted the same thing.
I do want the same thing but with him and our biological daughter. I can never say that to him because he split from his ex-gf when she told him she could never love his kids like her own and wanted nothing to do with them. Ironic huh? The thing is now, his 12yr old daughter has been saying she wants to live with us. If she was primarily self sufficient, I wouldn't mind so much. However both the older kids have been babied so much that they can't even turn the shower on or fix themselves a sandwich on their own.
I am scared and nervous enough to be a first time mom soon to worry about other peoples kids. Which I told my husband and he understands. But I don't want my child acting like his other kids. He talks about them being really smart but in reality, they do awful in school and have as much common sense as my dog. It is pretty sad but not surprising. Their mother is extremely dense and doesn't make them try. I 100% do not want my child around that, picking it up. How do I tell my husband that? What can I do to prevent it? It is so bad that I don't even want my daughter associating herself as their family. I am just lost and need advice.
Thanks for reading while I vent. Any advice is appreciated 
#1 I think it's wrong to keep
#1 I think it's wrong to keep siblings apart, however understand the behavior issue but that falls on your DH to parent his kids
#2 none of the issues with seeing the kids would be a problem if your DH has a court order for visitation and if the BM's don't follow them then file contempt of court.
#3 what kid of dad will he be if he doesn't make effort to see his youngest again a court order solves that issue.
#4 No step parents are never going to love skids like bio's that's unrealistic and kinda selfish to expect that.
#5 you married a man with children your kinda stuck having them around you and your child,
so it comes down to what do YOU plan to do about it.
Your child won't necessarily
Your child won't necessarily pick up traits from the older kids. I am in my 60s and have seen many children be born in to second families with prior children.
People usually marry up the second time. Quite often when the first spouse was a doofus dumbass the kids are too. Second spouse is often more intelligent or just has better common sense and those kids turn out so much better.
I love, love, love my dogs. Other dogs - maybe not so much. It's natural to love your own more.
I know exactly how you feel!
I know exactly how you feel! I can't stand that I have to share my man with his kid and that my man gets raped in CS, so you can imagine the kind of life that we are presently living while bm and skid are doing quite well for themselves on my mans dime. I also resent that my man has a kid and that he is even in the picture. Life would be sooo much better if they disappeared...permanently! I have a BS8 and I definitely dont want my son around him or to turn out like his kid. My BF and I don't live together but when my BF has his kid EOWE I am no where to be found. I want nothing to do with his kid, I don't even want to see his face or hear his voice so I do my own thing when he has his kid. My BF knows how I feel about his kid, I was honest with him about that and he accepts and understands my feelings and still wants to be with me.
The only reason that I stay in this nightmare is because of my BF. He is an amz]azing man and BF as well as a great father figure for my son. I absolutely hate being with someone thst has a kid but I deal with it because I love my man. And I will tell you that unless you really love your man and your SO has your back and you are on the same page about skids & bm bullshit this whole "blended" family crap will be a living nightmare!!!
^This.
^This.
I completely agree. ^^ OP,
I completely agree.
OP, why did you choose THIS man, to marry and procreate with, who has THREE other children whom you want to become invisible?
That is just SO unfair to him (this man you claim to love) AND innocent children.
Karma can be a real bitch. You better never leave this man, because it's likely he'll hook up with another woman just.like.you. and YOUR kid will be shit outta a father.
I think this happens more
I think this happens more than we may think.
I have seen some people on here who clearly want the skids GONE for no good reason.
Yes, we all have issues, and mine are minor compared to many here.
And MOST people here have major problems they never ever anticipated or expected.
That is different from wanting the skids not to exist because you want a "new family."
Every once in awhile I see someone on here who is obviously NOT interested in the skids, because like the OP, they do not want the kids around at all. It is like they want their DH (usually) to forget about his kids and make a whole new family. It makes me so sad for these kids, especially the little ones-babies and toddlers who are confused enough as it is.
I think you should not have
I think you should not have gotten with a man who has children.
OP, don't feel so bad, lots
OP, don't feel so bad, lots of people here like to bash...i'm not one of them. I married a man with a skid I can't stand. And he has NO idea the depths of my dislike for his child. I don't have to disclose that to him if I don't want to....I have 2 biokids and he clearly isn't a huge fan of my oldest. I am, however, big on FAIRNESS. If one gets a piece of candy, they ALL get a piece of candy. I love to use the reference to the animal kingdom. In NO OTHER SPECIES would any female ever give any love, attention, affection to a baby that WAS NOT HERS. Hell, she'd kill it and eat it! Why it's expected for human females to love someone else's DNA is beyond me. Again, don't beat yourself up, most step mommas can't stand their skids, you are far from the only one!
^^^THIS^^^ 110%
^^^THIS^^^ 110%
I feel for you. It is
I feel for you. It is impossible to plan who you will fall in love with. Try not to get down on yourself for how you feel. LOTS OF PEOPLE FEEL LIKE YOU DO. I am ashamed to admit it but I love my dog volumes more then my fiancee's kids. I cannot stand the thought of them touching my dog and I take him to a daycare rather then leave him alone in the house with his children because I don't want their stinky deranged hands touching him. There is no way in HELL those juggalos would get near a baby of mine. I would move away. I feel very sad for you. I am trying to learn to cope with skids that make my flesh crawl every weekend. You have a rough road ahead....I wish you all the best and I feel for you so much. Hang in there!
hjahahhaa, i don't llike my
hjahahhaa, i don't llike my skid touching my CAT either, hahhahaa....my skid lives with me 24/7, so my skin crawls daily, LOL.....how am I different from you, i'm NOT ashamed to admit I love my kitty and not my skid!
I'm the same way when SD14 is
I'm the same way when SD14 is around. DO NOT TOUCH MY CAT! She wants to pick him up and hold him all the fucking time. It drives him crazy! He'll struggle and fight and then if he scratches her, she THROWS him down all pissed off that he nailed her. EVERY SINGLE TIME I see her pick him up, I tell her to put him down. You'd think at 14 she'd know better right? FUCK!
no advice... just wanted to
no advice... just wanted to say that I love you guys!
LMFAO!!! DITTO!!! I am NOT
LMFAO!!! DITTO!!!
I am NOT ASHAMED either!!!! WOOOWHOOO for us who don't GIVE A FUCK what other people say or how they look down upon us and judge us!!!
Where is a "middle-finger" icon when you need it...
Thanks everyone who didn't
Thanks everyone who didn't judge and understands! I married my husband because I love him. HIM, period. He knows I do not feel love for his kids and is okay with that. I would never stop him from seeing them if he wants to. The fact that he BM gets all our money for CS stops him from being able to drive 4 hours EOWE to see them.
I grew up in a blended family and NEVER expected my step-mom to love or treat me like her kid. I grew up just fine and have an amazing relationship with my step-mom now that I am an adult. Which is what I hope to get out of all this one day.
Until then though, the more the idea of me having to feel anything for children that are not mine is pushed on me, the more I wanna :sick:
Now, lets hash out some questions I have had. At what age is it normal for kids to find themselves a snack if they are hungry? When should they start making their own plate after all the food is cooked? When do you get to stop having to tell them to take a shower and put clean clothes on because they should do it on their own? When do they pick out their own clothes? Their BM won't let them bring any clothes or toys with them so we had to buy them new clothes. Is this normal?
For all you bio-moms out there, how long did you wait till you let the skids come meet the new baby? I am a worrier about germs (cause other peoples kids are gross) and don't want them bringing anything in that my new baby will catch. Also, SS10 gets disgusting pussy cold sores on his lips. My DH told me not to eat or drink after him because he got them from his mom not too long ago. WTH?!? I don't even want him around the baby with that crap! I know it is not his fault but if I can stop my child from being exposed to it, shouldn't I??
I have some very sad news.
I have some very sad news. Some idiot skids never do things without being told. My ss's are 10 and 12. They come over wearing the same clothes every Friday and have been since I have known them. Where the new clothes we buy them goes I have no idea. They NEVER FLUSH THE TOILET. Let's see....on the rare occasion they change their clothes, they throw them immediately on the floor wherever that may be and leave them there. Living room...kitchen...bathroom.....doesn't matter, and daddy dear picks them up. They NEVER brush their teeth...they never shower until Sunday night when my fiancee bribes them with candy, and this happens after minutes of screaming like wild baby banshees being tortured. I have started asking them to help clear dishes off the dinner table and cannot hear the end of the whiney complaining if how unfair it is. These boys are about the LAZIEST MOST PATHETIC excuse for space I have encountered. His dad of course says that "all children act like this....". All they do besides eat and complain is play video games, LITERALLY 24 HOURS A DAY. Maybe you will get lucky and have a different experience, but I have a Disney dad as a fiancee....and so this is my situation. They are even so lazy that as far as snacks go, they go into the pantry and open a pop tart and leave the empty wrapper on the shelf. Lovely......
Holy crap....have you been
Holy crap....have you been spying on us?! I have SD12 and SS10 and you just described our encounters down to the T! My poor DH feels like it is the adults responsibility to cook 3 hot meals a day for them, dish it out to them and clean up afterwards. Ummm...when I was a kid, there was no such thing as breakfast. Lunch consisted of whatever you made a sandwich out of and supper was our "family" meal. He had the nerve to tell me I wasn't raised right when I told him this! We are expecting a child in February and he is just beside himself because I told him I'm not Betty f*****g Crocker and am NOT slaving in the kitchen 24/7. It is not the 50's anymore...(not to mention I am 8 years younger than him and we have very different views on raising kids!) So we are in for some fun!
His kids won't even find themselves a snack. Unless it is candy, which they will sneak in their room and leave wrappers under the bed. Could explain why SD12 wears bigger clothes than I do and I am 25 weeks pregnant. It is ridiculous! And you can't tear them away from the Wii to do anything unless your trying to have adult time and then they follow you around like lost puppies.
Any experience with DH constantly bringing up BM? I have brought it to his attention many times that she is not part of our life and I don't want to hear ANYTHING bout her,good or bad. Yet he still throws her into a conversation at least once a day. "I hope she chokes on her food; She is so dumb she did this once; I hate her; etc etc" He even brings up his ex-gf and her kids sometimes. It is more hurtful than anything because I feel like he compares us and that b***h doesn't have anything on me! Ugghh it is getting on my nerves...
What's a disney dad mean? I
What's a disney dad mean? I think I might get it, and think mine might be one too.
What you all wrote above about your nasty skids, I live that too...but I live it 24/7. My skid doesn't wipe his ASS....and seriously will dress on a friday morning for school and not chang/e clothes until dad puts him in the bath on sunday night. do you know how much SHITSTAINS there are at that point, and how long the kid has been walking around with SHIT stuck in his dirty ass? He doesn't brush his teeth either....and when he does he coesn't know hwo to spit the toothpaste out and so he eats it, OMGGGG, i GAG and have to leave the bathoom if i'm in there and he tries to brush......how on earth ANYONE in their RIGHT MIND should think that I should embrace this nightmare and love and be proud of that DNA I have no idea.....
I had not heard of a Disney
I had not heard of a Disney dad until I got to this site. To my understanding it is a man who just gets his child or children on the weekends and he is somehow riddled with guilt over the situation so he buys the child everything they ask for, let's them watch whatever they want, do whatever they want, eat whatever they want, and basically turns them into a spoiled rotten lazy whiny, pathetic brat that is incapable of lifting a finger to do anything, throws a gigantic TANTRUM when you tell them no, and is very disrespectful and rude other people. Disney dads cam be found coddling and cleaning up after their kids constantly, and NO MATTER WHAT THE ROTTEN CHILD DOES.....get violent, steal, burn the house down etc. The DD will excuse the child's behavior and say its normal or not their fault or they had a bad day or make some excuse. Bad behavior is always rewarded, no matter how bad the child is, he or she will always be told "what a great kid they are" as to not damage their self esteem. Punishments if made up at all are forgotten within hours after the child starts whining, because they are well versed at it and its SO FREAKING ANNOYING the DD cannot help but want to get the pathetic little brat to shut up.
my DH has skid 24/7; drug
my DH has skid 24/7; drug addict baby momma abandonment. So skid used to, as a baby, have every thomas the tank engine train, (made of wood, each one costs at least 15 bucks and up), every thomas DVD, everything else too under the sun..........THEN WENT AHEAD AND IGNORED THE KIDS AUTISM DIAGNOSIS!!!!!!FOR OVER FIVE YEARS!!!! Just buy the kid shit and let him eat mac and cheese and waffles with syrup on them with his HANDS at AGE 5 because he just let it be OK that the kid couldn't use a utensil to eat......He's TOTALLY A DISNEY DAD, riddled with Daddy Guilt over the kid having no mother....
Yeah weekends at our house
Yeah weekends at our house are like a bed and breakfast but they usually turn their nose up at everything, complain, barely eat, run off to play video games after like 2 minutes, burp and fart at the table the whole time and think its funny...its just pathetic. I have already told my SO, I don't clean up after them, do their laundry, nothing. If he wants to spend his free time following them around like a maid then fine. Which I HATE. because on Sunday night he has to go downstairs where their roomsare and the video game area which is always a pig sty and spend the evening cleaning up after their juggalo weekend. You should see them try and clear the table after dinner. They are so retarded they can't even put stuff away it takes them forever and they look like they are from another planet the concept of cleaning is so foreign to them. Anything they do has to be re done because its pathetic. I have no idea how they will get on in life. Seriously. If he ever has them move in as adults I will move out, I swear. As far as the x wife...god. She is literally dumb as a rock. We get to see her a few times a week when we drop my daughter off at school as his psycho daughter goes to the same school (thankfully she resides full time with her mom as she is literally psycho) and he always gets all nervous and weird when we pass her in the car. I have no idea why. Not to be rude but I am skinnier, prettier then her but for some reason he still gets so sad about the loss of his family dream. He feels like his marriage was a failure and he is dissapointed for his kids sake and the world revolves around them, even though they are literally, all three totally losers. Right now he is still paying off thousands of dollars of HER CREDIT CARD DEBIT, and he will be for 3-5 years. I don't know if I will eventually just become such a bitter birch that I will walk out one day or what. So many things bother me. So many. This forum has helped me a lot. I always thought I was alone in this and in my misery.
I feel where you are coming
I feel where you are coming from with the bitter bitch walking out part! haha sometimes I wonder if I love him THIS much to put up with pshycho bio moms and skid crap ???
I feel where you are coming
I feel where you are coming from with the bitter bitch walking out part! haha sometimes I wonder if I love him THIS much to put up with pshycho bio moms and skid crap ???
TASHA1983, you don't like
TASHA1983, you don't like that your SO has a kid. You don't like his kid. You don't accept his kid, yet, you expect him to accept your kid? Double standard much? :::shaking head:::
True. True. True. False, I do
True. True. True. False, I do not EXPECT anything from my BF, and my BF does not expect anything from me in regards to his kid, as it should be. If he CHOOSES to accept my child that is and always will be HIS choice. As long as my BF is not abusing etc. my child they don't have to like/love eachother. I am human just like everyone else, I do not have to like/love everyone I come into contact with in this life nor do you or anyone else. Life is all about choices, I/we have made mine/ours and it works for us. And THAT is all that matters.
Double standard...NOT MUCH.
This is me too ^^^ My DH and
This is me too ^^^ My DH and my daughter get along GREAT and they have accepted and respect each other and our marriage. SD on the other hand, has done nothing but try and break us up, come between us and disrespected me and our marriage.
So yes, I can't stand DH's daughter and I don't want her around. SHE did that to herself though. I did all I could to bond with this kid. She lied, manipulated, schemed, and tried her best to eliminate me from her daddy's life.
DH loves my daughter, but doesn't have to and isn't expected to. If she treated him the way his daughter treats me, I wouldn't expect them to be buddies at all.
EXACTLY RWF!!! Same with me
EXACTLY RWF!!!
Same with me and my BF. He CHOOSES to be apart of my sons life and love him and they are like father and son. I don't/didn't EXPECT my BF to do that he CHOOSE/S to! And just because my BF chooses to love my son and wants to be apart of his life does NOT mean that I have to do the same...that would be like me jumping off a bridge just because BF did it, it should always be a choice not expected! Then I would be a liar and fake and I am NOT going to be either of those two things.
My BF knows the truth of how I feel, as he should know, and he CHOSE to stay with me irregardless of my feelings.
He told me as long as I am not abusing his kid etc. then he doesn't care if I like/love him or want to be around his kid, because unlike many of the dh/so on here my BF KNOWS that HIS kid is HIS responsibility! And he never expects or demands ANYTHING of me or from me in regards to his kid and I do not expect anything from him for my son as well. Everything my BF and I do or don't do for eachothers kids is OUR CHOICE...never expected or assumed!!! AS IT SHOULD BE!!!
I've always been open and
I've always been open and 100% honest with my DH. When SD14 started her campaign to ruin us from the beginning, I told him that HE needed to step up as a father, quit babying the fuck outta her and DO something or I'd be gone. He chose to make our relationship his #1 priority and started being the parent he needed to long before I came along. He no longer allowed her to rule him and put his foot down as he should've a long time ago.
He completely understands and sympathizes with me about my feelings toward his daughter. He said "I don't know HOW I'd do it if I were you and she treated me this way". So it was quite the relief when my daughter and my DH got along and bonded the way they did from the get-go. At least we only have one part of what could've been a two part struggle!
But yes, if my daughter had a different reaction (and I know she HATED my ex, for valid, good reasons) or his daughter was sweet as pie and I still hated her for no reason - I get that things would be radically different than they are.
The only hope I have now is DH and SD rebuild their relationship, SD MATURES and quits her babyish, mini wife style behaviors and lying and we can all move along. I will say we'll never be the big happy blended family DH so desperately wants, but our marriage is solid and we take care of our daughters separately and it works for us.
Exactly!!! And me personally,
Exactly!!! And me personally, I am ok with not having the big happy blended family bs, because honestly I don't care and it is not what I want anyway with skid involved, "my family" is my son, myself and my BF, we all "work" great together and we are happy, there is only problems/issues when skid/bm are in the picture so of course it is logical and normal for one to have resentment and dislike something/one that is a negative impact on one's relationship/family dynamic etc. My BF and I have a relationship that works for US! And that is ALL that matters! He takes care of his kid as he is obligated to do and I do the same for my child. If we choose to like/love eachothers kid or NOT then so be it. I am with my BF for HIM. Not skid. And my BF is with me for ME. Not my kid. I know I don't like skid so I do what is best for myself and him and stay the fuck away from him!
These men aint stupid....i'll
These men aint stupid....i'll bet they know that their kids are not going to be easy for ANYONE not of their DNA to love.......I truly believe that!!!
I agree with you. Believe me,
I agree with you. Believe me, if you all haven't noticed, I am probably one of thee biggest Anti-Skid people on the planet BUT I don't think that a woman should lie or withold important info such as NOT liking a man's kids to be with or stay with him.
I see both sides of this, and as much as I loathe skid & bm my BF SHOULD know how I feel about skid/them. So, I took that risk and told him and it all worked out for the best. He accepts and understands my feelings and he still wants to be with me. But if a woman is with a man and that man has told you that he wouldn't want to be with you if you DON'T like his kids then you either be truthful or you leave. Plain and simple.
Okay so here is the thing, I
Okay so here is the thing, I was completely in the trying stage with his kids the entire time we were dating and engaged. Then after we got married and pregnant, he threw at me that the reason he broke up with his ex was b/c she refused to accept his kids (and she cheated). By this time, we have went to court once a month cause BM is bat crap crazy and we took the kids for almost a whole month. I found out then that I am NOT programmed to take care of other peoples kids. And I have been honest with DH that there is no way I could have them with us 24/7. He understands that and is okay with it. EOWE I would never stop him from getting them. Why is it necessary for me to tell him, "O btw, I don't even like your kids." He knows 100% I can't stand children around me. I am pretty sure he can put 2 and 2 together. And all of this he knew before asking me to marry him. So I don't feel I am/have lied to him at all. I wasn't asking advice on what you perceive is right/wrong about me. I am a big girl and can figure that out myself. I was just asking advice on what everyone else does about blending with a new baby on the way. Thanks ^_^
Congrats on the new baby!
Congrats on the new baby! And I agree with you. As long as DH knows you tried and how you feel about his kids and accepts that (and you're respectful and not abusive to them), he knows all he needs to know.
I wish you luck.
I get it, and I understand.
I get it, and I understand.
Believe me I know that having to tell the man you love that you loathe/dislike/wish skids would drop off planet Earth etc. is HARD! I was terrified but in the end it all worked out, THANK GOD! If your DH knows that you dislike kids and dealing with other peoples kids in general and he STILL doesn't get that that includes his own kids he is daft. Lol. I hope he does get what you are trying to say when you put that point across about not liking others kids etc. Because I know first hand it is in no way a great talk to have with any man with kids! As long as he knows that is ALL that matters!
Btw, I wasn't trying to judge or attack you if I happened to come across that way I apologize. I just personally feel that a man should know if the person he is with doesn't like his kids in general, even if it is hard to tell him because if he DOES know then if he CHOOSES to stay with you and put a ring on it at least YOU were honest and then it all falls on him after that!!!
Another thing, his EX HATED
Another thing, his EX HATED HIS KIDS TOO....LOLOLOL....you don't like em either...so don't feel bad, you didn't START the trend of not liking his kids....they appear un-likeable
now i wonder how many women my husband dated after baby momma and them not liking his kid..i'm not sure any SERIOUS ones but I truly can't picture ANY WOMAN who aint this kid's biology just DYING to be his momma.....nope, can't see it.
I feel your pain!! I have no
I feel your pain!! I have no children of my own and I married a man with a daughter who I cannot stand. Everyone always asks me why I did it and I really have no good answer. Honestly, if I could go back in time and know then what I know now, I would have never even dated DH in the first place. I hate being a stepmom. It’s the most thankless job in the whole world. I like the other posters reference to the animal kingdom- what species would ever be expected to love another child that is not her own? None but humans! It’s not fair. I wish my SD would disappear too.
I am just glad I'm not alone
I am just glad I'm not alone in this. Everyone says, "Those poor innocent kids, blah blah blah". Innocent, they are not.... They know exactly how to manipulate their dad into making him feel sorry for them and mad at BM. It is quite a sight to witness! SD12 will cry at anything if she wants attention. Then tells us something BM said that she know will piss off DH. SS10 acts out by hitting his sister or calling her a bitch. Which he now says to BM and she told us (like we have an effect on what goes on at her house). Wanna know what would happen if I said that at age 10? My parents would have given me a bloody lip. So I told DH if he wants him to keep his teeth, he will not talk like that in my house. Obviously I would never physically harm them but it is about instilling just enough fear so they won't do it! I already told DH if he doesn't approve of my parenting with our bio-daughter, he can walk away because I will not let her act like his kids. (Because anytime I say anything about our kid not doing something he has to but in and say,"Well I have raised 3 kids, so I know." I just want to say, And look how they turned out! But I won't because I love him and would rather just smile knowing the truth than have an argument over it.
^^^^Yes, that
^^^^Yes, that exactly.^^^
With an added, if you seriously dislike children so much and question the DNA of the skids, it might behoove you to remember you're going to have a child that will poop and pee and vomit and make disgusting messes AND that child will have half the same DNA as your skids.
Notice how the header on this
Notice how the header on this page is 'StepTalk Where Step Parents Come to Vent'. We come to vent. Venting does not include rainbows and butterflies. So get off your high horses for shits sake.
Messes from a child that is mine is a whole different thing altogether. Even from my niece, who is raised in a proper manner. I love her to pieces and will gladly do it for her. My child will be half my husbands DNA. But will be raised in a very different manner than his others. Speaking of DNA, I am half my mother, but she is a bat shit crazy and I share nothing of my life with her or her family. So DNA doesn't mean crap frankly. You teach kids to behave how you want. It is not programmed by DNA....
Say what--- Why are you
Say what--- Why are you jumping all over her? You don't know these children or how annoying and rotten they may be. There are pretty miserable, lazy, obnoxious, brats out there, its just that of course the parents....are not going to recognize that! Are you the parent of some miserable brats that you are subconsciously feeling guilty for so you are inadvertently getting mad at her for venting?
You can raise 3 children the
You can raise 3 children the very same and that does NOT mean they will behave the way you want them to. You have a very long road ahead of yourself.
That is where parenting
That is where parenting styles come in to play. Grow up in a military household with a no bull father and you will behave exactly as planned. What they do as an adult is their own will. My father even proved this after marrying my stepmom who had 2 kids (that were never disciplined in their life). One year of living in our house and their attitudes changed. We did not have a choice, therefore we behaved exactly the way my dad wanted us to. And I love my dad with all I have and plan to parent my child in the same fashion.
My dad always said, "Children are to be seen, not heard." Agreed
Yes!!! I parented completely
Yes!!! I parented completely different than SO and BM. They raised the skids to believe that the world owed them simply because they existed. Then the twisted BM takes it further to instill that "daddy" does everything and pays for everything and on and on.
My kids are from a divorced home and both ex and I raised them to be independent and self-sufficient. I couldn't believe the entitlement that SD had when I came into the picture. She ran the house it was her way or no way. SO jumped when she snapped her fingers it was disgraceful!!!