O/T who gets what in a break-up?
My last post explained, why SO and I have split up. It is over, and done. I don't want to argue with him about any possessions that we shared, but I don't want to have to start all over again either. I did that when I left XH after his affair, I was so distraught I literally left with nothing, but my clothing.
When SO moved in with me he brought very little, some speakers, a couple of pictures and that was it. All of the furnishings in our home were given to me from friends, and the odd piece I have purchased. I owned all of these things before he moved in.
He sent me a list today of his things that he wants packed up and ready to be moved out on Sunday, a couple of "his" things are gifts that he bought me. I don't want to be petty or anything, but he owes me $1500.00 for a loan that I had to take out to keep his truck from being repossessed and hasn't paid back a dime of it and I doubt I will see the money ever.
So question is, are gifts up for grabs in a break-up? We are not married, and have lived together less than a year.
In my opinion, and this topic
In my opinion, and this topic is subjective because everyone will have differing outlooks, gifts are given to the other person and that makes them their possession. When I give a gift to someone, I do not believe it is mine anymore, nor would I ever expect to get it back regardless of the circumstances.
If this were me, I'd say "The items you are requesting to be returned were GIFTS and no longer belong to you. When you give someone something, you're giving up your right to it. It no longer is YOURS, it's mine. Now, on to the subject of the $1500 I paid for your truck...that was a LOAN, not a gift. You still owe that to me. I owe you nothing".
Sorry to hear of your breakup. Those are almost always difficult to go through no matter how long or short a couple has been together. I wish you the best of luck and recommend having a trusted family member or friend present while your ex picks up his things so there's no chance for violence or anything.
hugs!
I think the fair thing would
I think the fair thing would be that all debts get settled in a certain time frame, and possibly in writing because if he really doesn't want to do it, you can take him to civil court.
Myself personally though, I'd let DH everything without a fight, but walk away with my freedom and nothing tied down. But I'm a bitch like that because I sure as hell would make him feel like he's not a man in the process.
The mere fact that you walked
The mere fact that you walked away after finding out your ex husband's affair showed strong characters. However, women need to know how to protect themselves in this kind of situation, physically, emotionally, and financially.
I don't know if you have made your own list of what he (your current partner) can take and what he cannot. He cannot call all the shots, it is not fair.
If he owes you $1500 for a loan, find the documents you can use, to prove that he needs to pay back this loan. (If the car title belongs to him, and you can prove $1,5000 is coming out of your own paycheck, you are winning half of the battle. Small Claims Court handles Civil cases asking for $10,000.00 or less. )
Do not threaten him, just calmly telling him, "You owe me money for the car that you are driving, may I ask you what is your plan to pay me back?" If he reacts with hostility, drop the subject (Keep yourself safe is priority)
Have a guy friend, preferably a brother or a cousin stay there with you when he picks up his stuff. If I were you, I'd change the lock right now.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your advice. I do have documentaion for the loan, and I did not give him cash but wrote him a cheque, and in the memo wrote "loan for SO's Truck" I watch too much Judge Judy.
I honestly don't have a problem giving him back the gifts, they weren't essential to me, a tassimo machine, and some pots and pans (which I already owned a set of) It's more the principal that I doubt I will see the money he owes me.
Since he is very hostile at the moment, I think I will just let him have those things, it's not worth another call to 911. He has been very threatening the past few days, and is blaming my son for us breaking up, he doesn't see that what he did was wrong. I have two big nephews coming to hang out with me when he picks his things up, and I am sending my son to his fathers for the day. I am only packing up his stuff so I can have it at the door so that the move is not long and drawn out, and there won't be "I forgot to get my ..." every other day for a month.
I suppose I should have believed his EW when she said he had a history of violence and had even at one point taken it out on his own bio son.
I wouldn't give them back to
I wouldn't give them back to him. If you don't want them, donate them to a shelter that helps people get back on their feet, they always need donations of household goods.
Also, file a suit in small claims court for the money.
My exH took a shovel out into
My exH took a shovel out into the yard and dug up half of every perennial plant clump. And took half of two sets of measuring cups, not one whole set, half of two.
Sure suggest that you take
Sure suggest that you take legal action on the loan and have proof it was a loan.
As for the gifts..they are yours now but if giving them back would that make you feel better in the long run, I would give them back then. In my last relationship, I donated most everything I could. He kept the furniture and I took all of the baby stuff. No sooner then me donating baby things, his fling came up pregnant. I thought it ended up working out great in the long run..
If the gifts aren't valuable
If the gifts aren't valuable and of no use to you - let him have them, its not worth the fight - because it also reinstates that its over, here take them, I don't want them.
You do need to collect the $1500.00.
When I left my XB of 7 years, he got pissy over a potato masher he says his mother gave him (lie, I bought it). I remember thinking in my head, no she didn't, I remember exactly when I bought the stupid thing and .... I said, ok here and handed it to him, big friggin deal...
He wanted the fight, he wanted the contact, not the potato masher - and he almost suckered me into fighting for it - how silly.
Now if the gifts are worth something to you - that makes it a different story - only you can judge that.