How about a checklist? A list of things to be done daily alongside things to be done weekly and, if necessary, monthly. Get him to "just do it" and he'll hopefully get the hang of things.

Also, sign him up to flylady.net (it's free). Those people can work miracles by actually teaching you to be organized and sort out your priorities. 

Would it help to make a list of what should be done daily?  Like, "straighten the house", "dishes", "trash".  Maybe if you two sat down at a quiet time and agreed what basic things should be done and when and listed them, that would help him "see" it.

My retired DH is sort of like this, too.  He "sees" things differently from how I do.  Now that it seems dementia is starting, lists work for us.

I have to say that DH's retirement, 2 years before me, lifted my life.  He took over all errands: bank, grocery store, cleaners, post office, gas station, etc.  I didnt realize how Id been running myself ragged.

I concur with A List. Or hiring a service to come in and help.

Merry, is there a possibility his short-term is slipping? 

Hire a cleaner and be done. It's worth the expense to have the peace

This is tough. My DH is ADHD too (undiagnosed) and also Does Not Like Being Told What To Do. Period. Typically I do most of the inside chores - cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, pet care; and he does the outside stuff - lawn mowing, snowblowing, and also all house repairs and renovations. He cooks more than I do, but mostly we both fend for ourselves. Because of this breakdown it feels like I'm working more since the inside stuff has to be done all the time. He can go a full weekend with no chores to do if the weather doesn't require it.   When he does home repairs/renovations, though, it takes many more hours than my inside work does.  He's terrible at finishing projects, UGH.  That's always a thorn.

He started working remotely during the pandemic and opted to stay remote forever.  He does now at least put the dishes he uses (and my breakfast ones) in the dishwasher, which he didn't do previously.  He truly doesn't notice that stuff, but he did see that it was only fair that since he's home all day, he could do that small task.

I tried a list with him before and he chafed at that.  I am happy he will listen to reason though, and generally isn't passive-aggressive about it once he agrees to a chore (passive-aggressive = "I forgot".)  So, I've got no ideas. This is an ongoing process for me, too.

First, I think it might be easier if you actually assign ownership to some of the tasks... like collecting trash from wastebaskets.. or doing dishes that accumulate throughout the day.  

Let's say Trash is his responsibility.. you can decide on a day that becomes T day.. tuesday.. thursday.. is "trash day".. the day that he needs to go around and empty the baskets and take out the trash.  My mom used to do that to remember to water plants.. wednesday is water day.

A One person cooks.. the other cleans dishes mode is good.  If you cook or prepare for yourself.. you do that dish or glass after you are done.

I might suggest a bin or basket on the kitchen counter to clear clutter off to.. when it gets full.. hand it to him to sort out!

Now...I can sympathize though... I have asked my DH to do things that would help me and he is just too ingrained in habit.

Like when he takes a shower... he throws the dirty clothes in the bottom of the narrow linen closet in there.. it is a pain to bend down into that small space to pick up his stuff when I do laundry... and I have asked him.. but it is just a habit from birth I guess..haha.  And he also does put his dishes in the sink.. but rarely ends up doing the washing up of the dishes.. and with no dishwasher.. I find that more annoying.. but in the total picture I he does a lot for us.. so I try to not focus on the couple of things he doesn't do so well.

We adopted the "work time" model.  Work time starts when the first person leaves for work and ends when the last person returns home from work.  If one is a SAH partner, those are still the work hours.  If the SAH partner address work during work time, the "we" time to get stuff done is not that overwhelming and both can work together side by side. Which... has all kinds of positive influences on the relationship.  If one is retired and other is not. work time still applies.  The retiree does not get to abdicate their home responsibilities while the other works a career job and then has to clean up after the retiree when they get home from their job.

When the person who works outside of the home returns, it is not magically their time to deal with the house, home issues, etc... When both are home it is "we" time to deal with the house stuff.  This has evolved over the years.  We outsource as nuch as is reasonable. Yard care, laundry (except for undewear, Jeans, etc...), and we cook together and lean up the kitchen together.

I get that he is retired. However, if you are not, your work hours are his work hours and he needs to work on the home (cleaning, repairs, etc..) during work hours.

It has worked well for us.  We have had three fights in our marriage.1. Dealing with the SpermClan. She was tolerance and accomodating of their toxic bullshit in the mistaken belief that they would go easy on SS during visitation if she did not hold them accountable.  SS-29 aged out from under the CO 11+ years ago. End of that problem.  2.  Accomodating my IL clan's snarky bullshit.  She called them out on that about 11 years ago and gave them clarity that ti would not be tolerated regardless of who any of them were targeting,  3. Houswork. Not a frequent issue but occassionally it does crop up as a bone of contention.

Good luck.

All I can say is that your frustration will probably be magnified once you retire and are home with your DH all day.  This became problematic with my SO and I, so much so that he is now back to work full-time on a special temporary project which will keep him out of my hair (and the house) for several months. I am not exagerating when I say I was ready to move out, because I could not stand having him around the house all day.  

I don't know that there is a magic bullet which will get another adult to do what you want them to do. Especially if there is some sort of underlying personality challenge.  In your case, ADHD. In my SO's case - compulsions about how to do things that drive me crazy.  I think these personality habits just magnify as we age and are more ingrained, though are not always a sign of age-related dementia.

For example, my SO will take the wet dish cloth, roll it up in a tight ball and cram it into the sponge holder where it will moulder and stink. He simply cannot seem to understand that he should not do this. 

I have calmly addressed with this him dozens of times, I've jokingly told him it was annoying, and I've point blank asked why he continues to do this as it simply makes no sense. I've tried to appeal to his sense of logic especially since he is a germaphobe, telling him that it is unsanitary. 

Nonetheless he continues to do it.  Likewise, he has a compulsion about ANYTHING in a trash bin in the bathrooms. If you drop a tissue in it, he will notice and immediately take it to the larger kitchen trash bin to empty it. Yet here is the maddening part - the kitchen trash may be ready to overflow but he won't empty that out. 

I know I do things he gets annoyed with, too.  I can say is it seems to work better if he leaves me to take care of certain things (my way) and I leave him to do certain things (his way.)  I guess in your situation, the problem is your DH won't do the chores/tasks he needs to do.  

While a list may work I do think he may get resentful if it appears you've become his task master. He may take the passive-aggressive approach and just ignore your lists, too.  

Honestly, I really wish there were an easy answer to this but I'm afraid their isn't.  

Well living with a man with ADD is not easy.  I know and live it. I do a vast majority of the work, scheduling, yard stuff and home repairs. DH knows this and acknowledges it - a big deal really.  He KNOWS and ADMITS he cannot do it like I do.

I was reaching a breaking point in the summer of 2020, saw a counselor, read a bunch of ADD information and went to two phone sessions which helped a whole lot. I needed to understand how to respond to him. I didn't want to be angry all the time.

* I hired a housecleaner every other month starting in 2019 and this has been a huge one for me.

* I found a great yard service that's affordable and I really like the guys. For anything but maintenance or stuff I really don't want to do so I use them. I also bought a very easy to use battery powered lawn mower. DH has used it precisely once in a year.

* He does not do lists. The lists end up in piles or lost. I give him reminders, 3 of them. Then he loses any options with the 4th reminder and tell him that I will then have to do it, no more waiting and "this" is why.

* His piles of stuff.  I periodially move them. They get put into HIS way. On the side table of the couch only he uses, on his night-table/by the bed or all in one chair at the kitchen counter bar, out of the way. I can live with this.  I cannot live with clutter everywhere.

I remind myself to not mutter about it under my breath - he hates that like nothing else. So I am just simply more direct. The other day I was getting frustrated and he asked me "NOW what's wrong?!" - all I said was "I'm sorry, I just feel like I'm doing way, way too much today and I'm overwhelmed." That immediately diffused the situation and I simply left the kitchen to him - no matter what a mess it was.

I'm not sure how much my advice is worth since I eventually divorced XH who, among other things, was a complete slob who left all the messes for me to pick up while he watched TV. But I divorced him for other, very serious reasons.

Before I was fully aware of just how much he was up to behind my back, I took the attitude of focusing on all his good points. Okay, he didn't take out the garbage, but he cooks the meals, takes the boys to Scouts, etc., etc.

He was always causing us to be late to events. I started putting the kids in the car and going by myself and let him wander in whenever he liked.

I really had to take the attitude of, I can't change him, I can't force him to be punctual or neat. I can only change my own attitude and how I deal with it.