stepmom..I do commend you for your honesty. It does sound like jealousy, but the fact that you can admit to it and sounds like you don't WANT to feel that way means something. I have no advice to be honest but I wanted to just commend you.

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

given that you have a new baby. One thing you could do to alleviate your worry is to visualize ahead of time exactly how you would like things to go. Yeah, another puppy reference, but I know that if I'm anxious about something, the dog picks up on my anxiety and it's harder to get him to do what I want. A similar situation applies here. If you're not looking forward to seeing the little guy, he'll know it on some level and misbehave, giving you more reasons to not want to be with him.

Try to relax and look forward to his excitement at having a new baby sibling. Channel his need for attention into getting him to help take care of the baby. A little bit of responsibility will go a long way. Treated with some forthought, this little guy might just LOVE your daughter as his own new little sister, which might help you with your feelings towards him. Good luck.

I have two ss- ss6 and ss9 that also live with us full time. I don't have any BC yet. And it is HARD work. Especially all the things we give up as wives. We have never had the chance to just be with our husbands- as soon as the honeymoon was over the two skids were back and were back for good. (EOWE is great, but nothing like a few years to establish a relationship together before growing into being parents together!!!!!!) And- we never really get the chance to just be a bio family, because there are always skids to be thought of and cared for. Our biobabies will never get to be an only child, and we will never have the time to just focus on them. Stepmom929, I think sometimes there's a natural grieving process we need to go through for all the things we give up. Yes- it's our choice as stepmums to take this stuff on- but no-one ever said it would be easy, and no-one ever ever said we had to like it all, or be ok with it all all of the time. Naturally you're a little depressed about your time just focussing on baby and DH coming to an end. I bet, though, that once SS comes back and you settle into the routine of having both of them at home, you're going to do just fine. Hugs for you.

a step child can be a very challenging thing---understatement, I know. Being older and having raised a family already, I told my dh (before we married)that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES would I have his children live with us. If something (God forbid) would happen to their mom (they were 12, 19, 23 at the time) we would have to separate. I didn't have a crystal ball, but I did have experience and I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

You are not selfish nor crazy and your feelings are justified. It is a just difficult situation to be in. Just thought I'd validate your feelings. Just try to enoy your new baby!

while my sd is NOT well behaved and my bf is NOT a good parents, i know your situation.

who says we HAVE to love these skids like our own? they certainly are NOT our own and we dont get the benefits as the bp's do. we are basically hired help.

i dont reccommend anyone starting a relationship with anyone who has a child already. the drama is unreal.

take care of your daughter and have your dh take care of HIS son. and HIS daughter. dont fall into the "we are a family' bs. cause it isnt true unless bm is dead and gone!

your daughter will always play a back role i your dh's life because thats how these dh's do it....feel bad for the first borns and not for the second.

I always feel SM's are lucky when the BM is out of the picture and far,far away. Is this selfish on my part wishing the BM's to abandon their kids maybe but walk in my shoes for a day and you will see what I mean. "Joint Parenting" almost always causes problems when there is a step involved.

It is completely normal to want it to be "your" family. You are not "mean" or "bad" for not immediately falling in love with your SS like you did with your BD. Some Steps do and that is fantastic. But quite frankly, I believe most of us don't. There is something to be said about the biological connection.

Now to my advice. First, my qualifications, I have been SM to 2 boys since their ages 4 and 5. They are currently 11 and 12. I had my BD 2 years ago and, when they came for their summer visit, I resented them. I didn't want to share my new family. However, I do have to admit that I had built it up in my mind to be worse than it ever really was. What are you envisioning happening that would make life so bad? What thought exactly is making you stress? Is it something you really think will happen or is it more like imagination?

My advise is to first of all, enjoy your remaining two weeks with DH and BD. You are so lucky to be able to have the 1st few weeks of your new babies life as just the 3 of you. You won't be able to do that with your next baby if you have one ;-). Second, be realistic. You are not going to have the same amount of time for SS as you did before the baby. You and DH need to work out now, who does what for him and when. Be concrete about expectations. It will help to limit the resentment. Third, make sure you have alone time with the baby and time alone with SS. You may not be his mom but you are a mom figure to him and no doubt he needs you. Also, it helps to bond with him if you can focus on him at some point during the day. Maybe a bedtime story or homework after school?

If he is well behaved and you have full time influence over him, I think you will eventually find that you care for him and that is a part of your family in your heart. It is easier if he is a fulltime part of your family and you and DH work together in your family.

I do commend you in being honest about your feelings (and, believe me, they are not weird) but I think you have a really good shot of making a very happy family with the four of you.

First of all, congrats on the new baby. Second, I agree with startingover 2010-concentrate on your daughter and have DH concentrate on his son. Don't fall for the "we're a family" crock! My DH tried that crap of calling his ex-wife's kids "our kids". I set him straight on that real fast. No, I gave birth to "our kids"! Your feelings are not unusual.